The Unexpected Lessons of a Large Family: What 13 Kids Taught Me About Humanity

Raising thirteen children hasn't just filled my home with noise and laughter; it's offered a front-row seat to the beautiful, messy, and profound reality of the human condition. In this blog post, I want to share some of the unexpected lessons I've learned from my large, blended family – lessons in empathy, resilience, unconditional love, and the simple power of being present. These are reflections that go beyond parenting, offering insights into what it means to be human, to connect, and to grow. I delve into these topics in more detail in the latest episode of my podcast. You can listen to "What 13 Kids Taught Me About Humanity" for a more personal exploration of these themes.

Introduction: More Than Just a Big Family – A Journey Into Humanity

When people find out I have thirteen children, the reactions are varied. Some are amazed, some are overwhelmed, and some simply ask, "How do you do it?" The truth is, there's no simple answer. It's a constant learning process, a daily dance of juggling schedules, managing needs, and navigating the unique personalities that make up my family. But beyond the logistics and the occasional chaos, raising this many children has been an incredible journey into understanding humanity. It's like having a living, breathing case study on connection, resilience, and the boundless capacity for love that resides within us all.

It’s not always easy. There are days when I feel stretched thin, when the noise is deafening, and when I wonder if I'm doing anything right. But in those moments, I try to remember that it's not about perfection. It’s about being present, being real, and creating a space where everyone feels seen, heard, and loved. And in that space, the lessons unfold, the insights emerge, and the true beauty of family life shines through.

The Chaos and the Connection: Life with Thirteen

Let's be honest: life with thirteen children is chaotic. There's always something happening, someone needing attention, or some kind of mess to clean up. From coordinating school schedules and extracurricular activities to managing meal times and bedtime routines, it can feel like a never-ending cycle of tasks and responsibilities. But within that chaos lies an incredible connection. We are a team, a tribe, a support system for one another. The older kids help the younger ones, siblings look out for each other, and we all pitch in to make things work.

This environment of shared responsibility and mutual support fosters a deep sense of belonging. The kids learn to negotiate, compromise, and resolve conflicts. They develop empathy and compassion as they witness each other's struggles and triumphs. And they learn that even in the midst of chaos, there is always room for laughter, joy, and connection. It's a beautiful, messy, and authentic way to live.

Lesson 1: The Power of Being Seen Over Being Perfect

One of the most significant lessons I've learned from raising a large family is the importance of being seen over being perfect. In a world that often emphasizes achievement and external validation, it's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of perfection. We want our children to excel in school, succeed in their activities, and present themselves in the best possible light. But what if, instead of focusing on perfection, we focused on simply seeing them for who they are?

When children feel seen – when they feel like their thoughts, feelings, and experiences are acknowledged and valued – they are more likely to develop a strong sense of self-worth and confidence. They are more willing to take risks, explore their passions, and embrace their unique talents. And they are less likely to be afraid of making mistakes, knowing that they will be supported and loved regardless of their performance. In our family, we try to create a culture of acceptance and understanding, where everyone feels safe to be themselves, flaws and all. It's about creating a space where they know they are loved unconditionally, simply for being who they are.

Lesson 2: Love Multiplies, It Doesn't Divide

A common misconception about large families is that there isn't enough love to go around. People often wonder how it's possible to give each child the individual attention and affection they need. But the truth is, love multiplies, it doesn't divide. The more children I have, the more my capacity for love expands. It's like a muscle that grows stronger with each use.

Each of my children is unique, with their own personality, talents, and needs. And I love them all fiercely and individually. I make an effort to spend one-on-one time with each of them, listening to their stories, supporting their dreams, and offering them the reassurance they need. It's not always easy to juggle thirteen different sets of needs, but it's worth it. Because in those moments of connection, I see their faces light up, their confidence grow, and their hearts fill with love. And that, in turn, fills my own heart with joy and gratitude. Love isn't a finite resource; it's an infinite well that overflows with each act of kindness, compassion, and understanding.

Lesson 3: Patience, Forgiveness, and Grace – Taught by Children

Children are masters of patience, forgiveness, and grace. They teach us these qualities every day, often without even realizing it. They test our patience with their constant demands, their messy habits, and their occasional tantrums. But they also teach us to slow down, to appreciate the small moments, and to find joy in the simple things. They challenge us to forgive their mistakes, their shortcomings, and their occasional acts of rebellion. But they also teach us to let go of grudges, to offer second chances, and to see the good in everyone. And they inspire us to extend grace to ourselves and others, recognizing that we are all imperfect beings doing the best we can.

Raising children has taught me to be more patient, more forgiving, and more gracious. It's taught me to let go of expectations, to embrace imperfections, and to find beauty in the messiness of life. It's taught me that love is not about being perfect; it's about being present, being real, and being willing to forgive and move forward. And it's taught me that children are not just recipients of our love and guidance; they are also our greatest teachers.

Lesson 4: Humor and Presence as Emotional Survival Tools

Life with thirteen children can be emotionally draining. There are times when I feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities, the demands, and the challenges. In those moments, I've learned to rely on two essential emotional survival tools: humor and presence. Humor helps us to lighten the mood, to laugh at our mistakes, and to find joy in the midst of chaos. It's a reminder that life doesn't have to be so serious all the time.

Presence helps us to stay grounded, to focus on the present moment, and to appreciate the beauty of what is. It's a reminder that we can't control everything, but we can choose how we respond to it. By being present, we can connect with our children on a deeper level, listen to their needs, and offer them the support and guidance they need. And by being present, we can find moments of peace, joy, and connection even in the midst of the most challenging times. These tools help me to be a better parent, a better partner, and a better human being.

Lesson 5: Family Life as a Microcosm of the Human Experience

Ultimately, I've come to see family life as a microcosm of the human experience. The joys, the sorrows, the triumphs, and the struggles that we experience within our families mirror the larger patterns of human relationships and societal dynamics. Family life teaches us about connection, communication, conflict resolution, and the importance of working together towards a common goal. It teaches us about empathy, compassion, and the power of unconditional love.

And it teaches us about the importance of community, of supporting one another, and of creating a world where everyone feels valued, respected, and loved. By learning to navigate the complexities of family life, we can develop the skills and the qualities we need to create a more just, equitable, and compassionate world. Our family, in all its messy, beautiful, and chaotic glory, is a constant reminder of the potential for love, growth, and connection that resides within us all.

Beyond Parenting: Universal Lessons in Empathy and Resilience

The lessons I've learned from raising thirteen children extend far beyond the realm of parenting. They are universal lessons in empathy, resilience, and the human capacity for love and connection. They are lessons that can be applied to all aspects of our lives, from our relationships with our partners, friends, and colleagues to our interactions with strangers in the street.

By cultivating empathy, we can better understand the perspectives and experiences of others. By developing resilience, we can bounce back from setbacks and challenges. And by embracing our capacity for love and connection, we can create more meaningful and fulfilling relationships. These are qualities that can transform our lives and the lives of those around us. And they are qualities that are desperately needed in the world today.

A Reflection from Springfield, Missouri: Reconnecting with What Matters

From my home in Springfield, Missouri, amidst the busyness of a large family, I often find myself reflecting on what truly matters in life. The lessons my children have taught me have helped me to reconnect with my values, my priorities, and my purpose. They have reminded me that the most important things in life are not material possessions or external achievements, but rather the relationships we build, the connections we make, and the love we share. They have taught me to appreciate the small moments, to find joy in the simple things, and to live each day with gratitude and intention. It's a constant practice, a daily reminder to slow down, to be present, and to reconnect with what truly matters. And it's a practice that has transformed my life in countless ways.

Conclusion: What My 13 Children Taught Me About Humanity

Raising thirteen children has been the most challenging and rewarding experience of my life. It has taught me countless lessons about myself, about my children, and about the human condition. It has taught me the importance of empathy, resilience, unconditional love, and the simple power of being present. It has shown me that love multiplies, it doesn't divide. And it has inspired me to be a better parent, a better partner, and a better human being. If you're interested in hearing more about these lessons and how they've shaped my life, I encourage you to listen to my latest podcast episode, "What 13 Kids Taught Me About Humanity." Thank you for joining me on this journey of reflection and discovery. I hope these lessons resonate with you and inspire you to embrace your own humanity with compassion, courage, and love.