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There are moments as a parent that make you want
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to lose your mind, Moments where you stand in the
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middle of your kitchen, barefoot, holding a cold cup of
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coffee that you reheated twice and still haven't finished, staring
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at a mess you swear wasn't there thirty seconds ago,
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and you think, why did they do this? Why did
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they leave socks in the hallway like breadcrumbs leading to nowhere?
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Why do they slam doors like they're announcing their arrival
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to the entire neighborhood. Why did they ask questions, wait
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for you to stop what you're doing, make eye contact,
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and then walk away before you can answer. Why did
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they put the empty milk carton back in the fridge?
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Why did they step over the same pile of laundry
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seventeen times without picking it up? And yet there comes
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a day, a quiet day, a day when the hallway
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is clean, the door doesn't slam, the house doesn't echo
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with noise, the empty milk curtain doesn't appear, and suddenly,
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without warning, your heart aches because the thing that drove
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you absolutely crazy, the thing you complained about, the thing
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you thought would never end. You would give anything to
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hear it again, you would give anything to see it
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one more time. Welcome back to We are the hans Ends.
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I'm your host, Maya Hansen, and if you're new here,
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welcome to our family table. Pull up a chair, pour
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yourself some coffee or wine or whatever gets you through
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the day. We're a big, loud, messy, imperfect family who
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believes real life is worth talking about the good, the hard,
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the funny, the moments that make us laugh, cry and
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question our sanity, sometimes all in the same day. Today's
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episode is one that came from a late night conversation
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with Jeremy. You know those conversations, the kind you have
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when the house finally goes quiet and you're sitting there
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in the darkness and suddenly all these feelings just surface.
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We're talking about how fast time is moving, how our
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oldest kids aren't kids anymore, how the babies aren't babies,
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how the middle ones are suddenly looking more like teenagers
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than toddlers. And we started asking ourselves this question, what
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is something your kids do that drives you crazy? But
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you know, deep down you would miss it if it stopped.
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If you're a parent, I already know your mind is
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racing right now. You're thinking of ten things, twenty things,
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maybe just one very specific thing that makes you want
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to scream and laugh at the same time. If you're
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not a parent yet, talk this episode away seriously, bookmarket
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one day, it'll make sense in a way you can't
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imagine yet. Let's dive in. Let's start with the noise.
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Oh my goodness, the noise. The constant talking, the arguing
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over things that don't matter, the laughing that somehow always
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happens at maximum volume, the random singing at the worst
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possible moments, someone narrating their entire life from the other
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room like they're hosting their own documentary. And my personal favorite, mom, Mom,
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Mom Mom, and the moment you answer silence radio silence
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like you've disappeared into thin air. It's enough to test
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your patience on a daily basis, hourly, if we're being honest,
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there are days when the noise feels like too much,
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when you crave quiet the way you crave sleep or caffeine,
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When you think, if I could just have five minutes
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of complete silence, I would be a better human, a
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nicer human, a human that doesn't fantasize about running away
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to a remote cabin in the woods. I remember one
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particular loud afternoon. All the kids were home. Everyone was
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talking at once. Someone was practicing their musical instrument, someone
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else was watching something on their iPad without headphones. Two
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kids were fighting about a video game. Another one was
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asking me questions about photosynthesis while I was trying to
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answer an email, and I just stopped. I put my
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hands up and said, everyone please just stop talking, and
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they did for about thirty seconds, and then it started again.
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But here's what I've learned. One day, the noise faates.
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Kids grow up, Schedules change, doors close more often, Conversations
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moved behind walls or out into the world instead of
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happening in our kitchen. Someone moves out, someone gets their
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own apartment, someone has their own life that doesn't revolve
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around you anymore. And you realize the noise was never
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just noise. It was life. It was proof that your
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house was full, that your kids felt safe enough to
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be loud, that they wanted to be heard, that they
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wanted your attention, your input, your presence, the constant calling
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of mom. It meant you were their first choice, their
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go to person, the one they trusted with everything. From
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the mundoon is the meaningful, and suddenly why it doesn't
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feel peaceful anymore. It feels empty. I have friends whose
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kids have grown and moved out, whose houses are clean
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and calm and organized, and you know what they tell me.
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They missed the noise. They would give anything to hear
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mom called out one more time. So when you're in
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the thick of it, when the noise feels overwhelming, take
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a breath, because one day you'll wish you could hear
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it again. Let's talk about the mess. The shoes by
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the door, never in the closet, always right where you'll
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trip over them. The backpacks exploded across the floor like
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a tornado touchdown in the entryway. The dishes left right
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next to the sink instead of in it, not even
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close to the dishwasher, just there on the counter, mocking you.
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The snack wrappers stuffed between couch cushions, The wet towels
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on the bedroom floors. The mysterious piles of things that
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don't belong to anyone. When you ask, it's exhausting, You clean,
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and five minutes later it looks like you didn't. You
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remind them, you nag, you negotiate, You give them speeches
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about responsibility and respect that should honestly earn you a
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ted talk invitation, and yet the mess returns like magic,
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terrible frustrating magic. I used to get so frustrated by this.
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I would clean the entire house, everything spotless, and I'd think,
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this time it'll stay clean, this time they'll notice how
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nice it looks, and they'll help maintain it. And within
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an hour there would be crumbs on the counter, shoes
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in the hallway, jackets on chairs. I'd feel defeated, like
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I was fighting a losing battle. But here's the truth.
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No one tells you. One day the mess stops, not
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because they find only listen to your speeches, not because
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they suddenly became tidy, but because they're gone. The shoes
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aren't by the door because they're at their apartment. The
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backpacks aren't in the hallway because they don't live here anymore.
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The messes don't magically appear because there's no one here
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to make them. And while the clean house feels nice
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at first, it also feels strangely lonely because the mess
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wasn't disrespect. It was evidence of life happening, of kids
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coming and going, of stories unfolding in real time. Of
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a home being lived in, not just maintained. I have
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a friend who texts me pictures of her clean house
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now that her kids are grown, beautiful, pinterest worthy pictures,
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and she always adds the same caption, I trade this
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clean house for one messy afternoon with them as kids.
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So when you're picking up the same toys for the
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hundredth time, when you're stepping over shoes again, when you're
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wondering if anyone else in this house can see the mess,
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remember the mess is temporary, and one day you'll miss it.
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The interruptions, Oh, the interruptions, Your mid sentence, mid thought,
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mid conversation with another adult that you've been desperately trying
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to have for twenty minutes, and suddenly, Mom, watch this, Mom?
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Can I tell you something? Mom? Guess what? Mom? Look?
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You hold up a finger, the universal just a minute gesture.
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You try to finish what you were saying. You try
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to focus, You try to maintain adult conversation. Improve to
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yourself that you still have brain cells that work. Sometimes
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you fail, Sometimes you snap, sometimes you die. Sometimes you
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say just a minute more sharply than you meant to.
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Sometimes you completely lose your train of thought and have
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to ask the other adult, what was I even saying?
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Because interruptions feel inconvenient, they feel like a violation of
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your time and attention. They feel restless. But here's the
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part that hits hard later. They interrupted you because you mattered,
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because they thought what they had to say was important
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enough to share with you right now, because they couldn't wait,
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because you were their safe place, their audience, their person.
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Think about it. They didn't interrupt just anyone. They interrupted
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you because you were the one they wanted to tell.
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You were the one they trusted with their excitement, their discovery,
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random thought, their need. One day, the interruptions stop. They
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don't burst into your rooms anymore. They don't beg you
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to watch. They don't need your attention in the same
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urgent way. They process things internally, they text their friends instead.
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They keep things to themselves, and you realize the interruptions
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were moments of connection disguised as inconvenience. I remember being
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on a phone call once, an important call, and my
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daughter came in three separate times to show me a drawing,
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ask me a question, and tell me about something that
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happened at school. I was frustrated. I kept whispering I'm
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on the phone, but she kept coming back, and later,
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when the call was over, I thought about it. She
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came to me three times because she wanted to share
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her world with me, and one day she won't. One
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day she'll have another person to share with. So now
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when I get interrupted, I try to remember this won't
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last forever. The questions, so many questions, why, how? What? If?
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Did you know? But why? How do you know what
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happens if? Sometimes the questions feel endless. You answer one
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and it leads to five more. You try to give
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thoughtful responses, but your brain is tired and you're pretty
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sure you're making up facts. At this point, your patients
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wear thin. You start giving shorter answers. You think, can
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we just have five minutes without a question. I once
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counted how many questions my eight year old asked me
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in one hour forty three forty three questions in sixty minutes,
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Questions about everything from why is the sky blue? Do
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fish sleep? What would happen if everyone in the world
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jumped at the same time? And I loved her curiosity,
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but I also felt exhausted by it. But then the
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questions change, slowly, subtly, they get fewer, more guarded, more selective.
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The little kick questions fade away, the big cake questions
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become more private, and one day you realize they're not
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asking you anymore. They're figuring things out on their own.
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They're googling instead of asking. They're asking their friends, or
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their siblings or strangers on the internet. And you miss
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the questions because questions meant curiosity. Questions meant trust. Questions
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meant they believed you had answers. Questions meant they wanted
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to under stand the world and they wanted you to
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help them do it. I would give anything to answer
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forty three questions in one hour from my older kids. Again,
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So when your little one asks you why for the
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tenth time in a row, when they wake you up
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at six in the morning with a question about dinosaurs,
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when they interrupt your thoughts with wondering, answer them, even
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when you're tired, even when you don't know the answer,
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because one day the questions will stop and you'll wish
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they hadn't. Every kid has that habit, you know, the one.
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The tapping, the humming, the chewing too loudly, the bouncing
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their leg under the table, the pacing while they talk,
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the clicking their pen, the cracking their knuckles, the snipping
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instead of blowing their nose, the thing that makes you
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grit your teeth and say can you please step doing that,
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and they say sorry and try to stop, but five
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minutes later they're doing it again, because it's not intentional,
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it's just part of who they are in this moment.
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My daughter used to hum constantly while doing homework, while eating,
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while just sitting there existing, and it would drive me crazy.
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I'd say, do you realize you're humming? And she'd looks surprised?
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Was I every single time? It wasn't defiance, it was
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just her. Those habits feel annoying in the moment, they
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feel like nails on a chalkboard, But habits are personal.
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They're part of who your child is in the season
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of life. They're coping mechanism, comfort, self regulation, and when
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they grow out of them, you don't even notice at first,
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until one day you realize she doesn't hum anymore, she
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doesn't tap, he doesn't bounce, she doesn't paste, and somehow
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the silence feels heavier than the noise ever did, because
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those little kirks were uniquely there. I caught myself missing
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my daughter's humming. The other day, the house was quiet,
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I was doing some work and I realized I hadn't
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heard her hum in months, and my heart broke a
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little because the humming was part of her childhood and
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now it's gone. So when your kid does that annoying thing,
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when they tap and hum and bounce and fidget, try
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to see it differently. This is who they are right now,
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and one day you'll miss it. Let's talk about being needed.
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Being needed is exhausting. There's no sugarcoating that kids need
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you for everything. Food, comfort, guidance, reassurance, help fighting things
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that they are literally right there in front of them,
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permission validation, problem solving. They need help trying shoes, solving
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math problems, navigating emotions they don't understand yet. They need
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you to mediate fights, interpret instructions, explain the world. There
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are days when you feel touched out, need out, emotionally drained,
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days when you lock yourself in the bathroom just to
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have two minutes alone. Days when you think I just
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want a moment to myself, a moment where I'm not mom,
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where I'm just me. I remember feeling so overwhelmed by
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being needed all the time, I felt like I couldn't
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breathe without someone needing something from me. I felt guilty
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for wanting space, but I also felt suffocated by the
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constant demands. And then they don't need you like that anymore.
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They're capable, independent, confident. They tie their own shoes, they
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solve their own problems, they find their own things, they
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make their own decisions, and you're proud. You're so proud.