Feb. 24, 2026

The Hardest Year-The Fight For Anailyn

The Hardest Year-The Fight For Anailyn
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In July 2017, our world stopped.

Anailyn was born premature at just three pounds, six ounces after sixteen days in the hospital and an emergency C-section. She couldn’t breathe on her own. Doctors diagnosed a severe blood infection, spinal meningitis, a grade four brain bleed, and fluid on her brain. At one point, we were told she might not survive.

This episode shares the full story of eighty-six days in the NICU — the fear, the faith, the help from Children’s Miracle Network, and the family who carried us when we couldn’t carry ourselves. We also open up about the seizures that came years later and the resilience that was forged in that hardest season.

Today, Anailyn is growing and thriving.

If you’re walking through a medical crisis or holding onto hope in the dark, this episode is for you.

We Are the Hansons.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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There is a sound you never forget. It's not the

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sound of a monitor. It's not the sound of doctors

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moving quickly through the hallway. It's not the sound of

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a phone ringing at two in the morning. It's not

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even the sound of a newborn crying. It's the silence,

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the silence that comes after someone says we're not sure

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she's going to make it. That silence is unlike anything

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else in the world. It doesn't just fall over a room.

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It swallows it. It swallows the lights and the sounds

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and the air. It turns the floor into something unstable

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beneath your feet. It makes time feel like it's moving wrong,

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too slow, then too fast, then not at all. The

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silence is heavy in a way nothing else is. It

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sits on your chest, It steals the oxygen from the room.

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It wraps around your throat and squeezes. And the strange

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thing about that kind of silence you still have to

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breed through it. You still have to stand there, You

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still have to look at the person standing next to

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you and somehow hold each other up. In July of

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twenty seventeen, we met that silence. It came for us

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in the middle of a Springfield, Missouri hospital in a

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building full of machines and people trained to stay home

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while everything inside of us was screaming, and it almost

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broke us. Almost. But here's the thing about almost. Almost

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means it didn't. Almost means you're still here. Almost means

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there's still a story to tell, and almost means that

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somewhere on the other side of that silence, on the

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other side of that year, there was something we're surviving for.

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Welcome to We are the Hansens. I'm so glad you're

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here today because today's episode is one we've thought about

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doing for a long time. We've talked about it, we've

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started it and put it down. We've asked ourselves whether

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the time was right. And the truth is, there's never

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a perfect moment to crack yourself open. But there is

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a right reason. And the right reason is this. Somebody

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listening right now is in a hospital room. Somebody is

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waiting for a phone call. Somebody is stretched so thin

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they can barely breathe, carrying weight that feels like too

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much for one person or even two. This episode is

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for that person because we have been in that hospital room,

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we have waited for that phone call. We have carried

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that weight and we made it through. Today we're sharing

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the story of Anlin, our daughter, our miracle, our testimony.

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July of twenty seventeen was the hardest year of our

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lives as parents. And by the time you finished listening today,

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I hope you understand not just what happened, but what

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it taught us about faith, about family, about what human

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beings are actually capable of when the worst comes for them.

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This is her story, and it's ours. To understand what happened.

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You have to understand where we were. We had a

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full life, We had a growing family. We had the

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kind of summer rhythm that big families fall into, kids

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moving in and out of the house, noise and laughter

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as background music, work coming along, plans being made and

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adjusted and made again. That summer felt normal, not perfect,

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it never is, but normal alive, moving and in a

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big family, movement is everything. You don't stop often, you

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don't slow down to stare at the ceiling, asking yourself

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if things are okay. You just go. You trust that momentum,

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You trust the rhythm. We trusted it. Then the rhythm broke.

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My water broke too early. Now, there is something about

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the human body that knows the difference between the expected

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and the wrong. Even before you've had a moment to

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process what's happening, something in you recognizes the wrongness of it,

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like a bell being struck off key. You feel it

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before you understand it. This felt wrong. We moved fast.

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There's no other way to describe it. The next several

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hours became pure motion, rushing to the ar bright lights

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and the smell of antiseptic, and voices asking quick, calm,

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professional questions, nurses moving with the particular kind of urgency

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that doesn't look like panic from the outside but absolutely

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communicates that something serious is happening. Broken water, premature, high risk.

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They stabilized me as well as they could, and then

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came the next piece of news. I needed to be

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transferred immediately to Cox South Hospital in Springfield, Missouri, where

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they had the resources to handle what was coming. And

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just like that, our life condensed. All the things we

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had going, all the plans, all the movement and noise

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and rhythm of a big family, all of it narrowed

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down to one single thing, Keep this baby alive. They

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admitted me, and then we waited sixteen days. Now, I

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want you to sit with that for a moment, because

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when people hear sixteen days, it sounds like a number.

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It sounds manageable. People have come back from longer hospital

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stays than that and walked out smiling. But these weren't

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sixteen days of recovery. These were sixteen days of suspension,

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Sixteen days of lying in bed and trying to hold

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on to pregnancy that was working against itself. Sixteen days

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of monitoring telling you things in data that you had

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asked a nurse to translate. Sixteen days of trying to

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read the expressions on doctors' faces before they even started talking.

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Every single morning began the same way. You open your

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eyes and for about two seconds, you don't remember where

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you are. For two seconds, it's just light and sound

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and the strange ceiling of a room that isn't yours.

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And then it lands all of it right back on

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your chest, and you take a breath, and you decide

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again to keep going. You decide every morning that what

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people don't tell you about hard seasons, you don't make

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one courageous decision and then coast on it. You make

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the decision over and over every day, sometimes every hour.

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You choose to keep going. You choose to believe. You

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choose to not collapse, even when collapsing feels like it

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would be a relief. Nights in a hospital room are

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their own thing. There is no real darkness in a hospital.

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There's always a glow from monitors from the hallway from somewhere,

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and there's always sound distant footsteps, beats from somewhere down

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the hall, the soft mechanical breath of equipment doing its job,

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the occasional pa system, the muffled conversations of nurses in

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their station. You don't really sleep. You hover. You think

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about your kids at home. You wonder if they're scared.

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You wonder if the right people are keeping the right routines.

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You think about things you forgot to arrange, small logistical

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failures that feel enormous At two in the morning and

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there's nothing else to occupy your brain, you count days

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forward and backward, trying to calculate something you have absolutely

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no control over it. We have other children who needed us.

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And the weight of being in two places at once,

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of knowing that your family is divided, and that every

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day you spend in this room is a day someone

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else is holding things together at home. That weight has

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its own texture. It doesn't cancel out the fear for

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the baby, It layers on top of it. How are

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the kids doing? Is school okay? Does everyone know we

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love them even though we're not there? Those questions run

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underneath everything else like a current, And underneath at all fear.

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Not that loud kind, not the panic kind, the quiet kind,

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the kind that just sits in the back of your

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chest and stays there, patient waiting, the kind that sharpens

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when the doctors come in and softens lightly when they

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leave with no bad news, just softens, never fully releases.

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We prayed, we talked. We held each other up, the

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way people do when there's nothing else to hold on to.

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And there's something about shared fear, about being in the

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same impossible situation with the person you've chosen to build

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your life with that either breaks people apart or welds

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them together. It welded us, not without difficulty, not without

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moments where we had nothing left to give each other,

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but it welded us. And then on the sixteenth day,

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the doctors came in emergency C section. No more waiting.

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Whatever is going to happen next was happening now. Anelin

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was born on July thirty first, twenty seventeen, three pounds

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six ounces. I don't know if you've ever held someone

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that small. A bag of sugar weighs more, a newborn

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kitten weighs more. The weight of a premature baby in

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your hands doesn't feel like a human weight. It feels

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like holding a bird, like holding something so fragile that

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your own pulse seems like a threat. When they held

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her up and I can see this moment, like it's

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still happening right now, she looked impossibly small, more like

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a memory than a baby, more like something you dreamed

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than something real. She couldn't breathe on her own. They

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intubated her immediately. Machines became her lungs. Machines became her strength.

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Machines became the invisible hands that hauled her while ours

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couldn't reach. And within the first few days the report

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started coming in. She had contracted a severe blood infection introbacter,

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a bacterial infection that can be devastating in a body

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that's small, a body with almost no reserves, no margins,

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no room for air, spinal meningitis, a grade four brain bleed,

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and fluid building on her brain. Her ventricles were plugged,

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drainage wasn't happening the way it needed to. Pressure was building.

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The doctors told us she would likely need a shunt

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placed in her brain to relieve it. Each piece of

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news landed like its own weight. You absorb one thing,

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and then another comes. You find your footing, and then

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the ground shifts again. And then in the middle of

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it all, a doctor looked at us and said, the

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thing no parent is ever ready to hear. We're not

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sure she'll make it. That was the moment. That was

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the silence, the one I described at the beginning of

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this episode, the one that swallows the room. The silence

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didn't last forever. Doctors kept moving, nurses kept doing their jobs,

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Time kept going, but inside us, time stopped, and everything

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that came next every single day for the next three

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months came from the other side of that moment. The

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first month of Analen's life was touch and go. If

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you've ever heard the phrase used in a real context,

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not as a figure of speech, not as a way

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of describing a difficult meeting or a complicated project. If

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you've ever had a doctor look at you and mean

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it literally, let me tell you what it actually feels

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like every morning you wake up bracing for the call.

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Every time a nurse approaches with a specific expression, your

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heart moves into your throat. Every number on a monitor

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becomes something you study, like you're learning a language. You

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exist in a permanent state of not knowing, and not

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knowing is exhausting in a way that sleep can't fix.

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Because even when you manage to sleep, even when your

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body finally surrenders to it, your brain doesn't fully power down.

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It stays on low alert, ready to wake, ready to

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receive whatever comes next. There is a particular kind of

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grief that lives inside waiting. Not grief for something that

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has happened, grief for something that might pre grief the

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morning of a future you are terrified of before it

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has arrived, and you can't talk yourself out of it

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because it isn't irrational. The fear is based on real information,

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real numbers, real words spoken by real doctors in real rooms.

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You are not catastrophicizing, You are listening, and that distinction

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is important, and you are not distinction, and that distinction

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is important because of a lot of well meaning people

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in your life will try to tell you your being too negative,

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that you need to stay positive, that fear and faith

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can't coexist. I want to gently push back on that

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fear and faith absolutely coexists. Faith doesn't mean you aren't scared.

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Faith means you are scared and you still believe. It

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means you are looking directly at the worst possible outcome,

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and you are still choosing, actively, deliberately, with every ounce

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of you, every ounce of will you have left, to

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believe that God is not done with this story. That's

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what faith is, and that's what we were doing in

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those first weeks. We prayed constantly. Not polished prayers, not

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the kind you rehearse or the kind that sounds good

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out loud, not the kind that demonstrates your faith for

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anyone else to see. Desperate prayers, the kind that come

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out broken, the kind where you don't finish sentences, the

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kime where you bargain, the kime where you cry so

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hard you can't breathe, and somewhere in the middle of it,

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you're still talking to God because you don't know what

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what else to do. Lord, Please just let her live,

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Please let her breathe, Please let her make it through

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this tonight. Please don't ask me to go home without her,

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those prayers, and she was so tiny. Her fingers, if

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you could call them that, they were more like suggestions

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of fingers, would sometimes curl around the very tip of

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one of ours, just the tip, that's all they were

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wide enough for. And in that moment, that small curl,

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that tiny grip, it felt like communication, like she was saying,

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I know you're here. I'm still here too, her chest

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rising and falling with the help of machines, her skin

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so thin, you could see the effort in it, the work,

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the fight. And there was something about watching a three

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pound baby fight that reset everything I thought I knew

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about strength, because that baby was stronger than I have

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ever been in my life, stronger than I had the

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language to describe. She had no idea what was happening.

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She had no philosophy about it, no theology, no coping strategies.

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She just kept breathing. She just kept fighting with no

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frame of reference and no choice in the matter. Her

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little body woke up every morning and did it again,

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and somehow, watching her, we found enough to keep going too.

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We lived in the nicu for eighty six days, eighty

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six days of scrubbing in before touching our own daughter.

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Eighty six days of gowns and gloves and protocols, eighty

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six days of memorizing the meaning of every sound those

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machines could make. Eighty six days of watching strangers take

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better physical care of our child than we were allowed to.

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That's a particular kind of helplessness. It doesn't make you

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angry at the nurses. You love those nurses, You need

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those nurses. Those nurses become some of the most important

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people in your life life. But you are her parents,

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and you can't just pick her up. You can't just

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hold her whenever you want. Every interaction has a procedure,

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every touch has a purpose. You are grateful, you are terrified,

254
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You are grateful again. And meanwhile, life doesn't pause. We

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had other children at home. Let that settle for a second,

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because this is part of the story that I think

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a lot of parents in our situation carry quietly. When

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one of your children is in crisis, the rest of

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your children still need you. They still need dinner, they

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still need someone at pickup, They still need a parent

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who is present and steady and not visibly falling apart.

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Our life didn't pause. It's split. Part of us was

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in the nikki, watching monitors, talking to nurses, willing that

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baby to keep fighting. Part of us was home, trying

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to keep things as normal as possible for kids who

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are scared and confused and needed their parents to tell

267
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them it was going to be okay. And we had

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to say it like we believed it, even when we

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weren't sure. Guess wasn't cheap, back and forth between home

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and the hospital, hour after hour, day after day, week

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after week. You don't think about logistics when your baby

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is in the nicku. You just go. You just get

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in the car and go. But the cost builds quietly

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in the background while your attention is somewhere else. Works

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slowed and come dropped, bills, didn't exhaustion, belt and layers,

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the kind of tired that lives in your bones. We

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were stretched in every direction that a human being can

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be stretched. And then something happened that I need to

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tell you about, because this part of the story matters

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just as much as the medical part. And nurse sat

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down with me, not to deliver test results, not to

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explain a procedure, just sat down and she told me

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about Children's Miracle Network. I'll be honest, I didn't even

284
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fully understand what I needed until she said those words.

285
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When you're in the middle of something like this, you

286
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develop a kind of tunnel vision. You focus on the immediate.

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You don't think about the resources or programs are asking

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for help. You just survived the day. But she said

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they helped families like yours, and something in me cracked

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00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:24.839
open when she said that. I reached out and they

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00:19:24.880 --> 00:19:28.119
stepped in gas foutres so we could make drive back

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and forth without calculating whether we could afford it financial support.

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That meant we could be present for our daughter without

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feeling like we were drowning. On top of everything else,

295
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Children's Miracle Network was a lifeline, not a metaphor a

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literal lifeline. Without them, I genuinely do not know how

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we would have managed to be in two places at

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once for eighty six days. And our family showed up

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00:19:53.200 --> 00:19:56.359
to They came without being asked. They cooked food and

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dropped in, They picked up kids from school. They stayed

301
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night when we couldn't. They did the invisible labor of

302
00:20:03.000 --> 00:20:06.079
keeping a household alive while the center of gravity had

303
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shifted to the hospital room across town. In our weakest moments,

304
00:20:10.200 --> 00:20:12.680
the moment when I think both of us wondered if

305
00:20:12.720 --> 00:20:15.680
we had enough left to keep going. We were not alone.

306
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We were carried, and I will never stop being grateful

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00:20:18.759 --> 00:20:22.039
for that. Here's what I've learned about miracles. They rarely

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arrived the way you expect. You pictured the dramatic moment,

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the doctor walking in with a smile, the single test

310
00:20:30.279 --> 00:20:34.759
result that changes everything, the clear and unmistakable turning of

311
00:20:34.799 --> 00:20:37.839
a corner that you can identify by a single date

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00:20:37.880 --> 00:20:43.640
and time. What actually happened was slower than that, more fragile,

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00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:48.880
more tentative. Anlin began to stabilize, not in a single moment,

314
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not in a way that felt like triumph, in increments,

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00:20:53.240 --> 00:20:56.759
in small improvements that a nurse would point out and

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00:20:56.839 --> 00:21:01.440
we would receive, like gifts we hadn't been ensure. We deserved.

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00:21:02.079 --> 00:21:05.279
An infection marker moving in the right direction, a reading

318
00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:11.400
that looked better than yesterday, A response, tiny, almost imperceptible,

319
00:21:11.720 --> 00:21:14.240
that told the doctors her body was beginning to do

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00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:17.480
something right. And here's the thing about good news. When

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00:21:17.519 --> 00:21:20.319
you have been living in bad news, you don't know

322
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how to receive it. At first. You've trained yourself to brace,

323
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you've conditioned your nervous system to expect the setback, the complication,

324
00:21:30.359 --> 00:21:34.079
the next piece of news that recognizes everything. So when

325
00:21:34.119 --> 00:21:38.240
the good comes in, there's a delay, a beat of hesitation.

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You look at the nurse's faces twice to make sure

327
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you're reading it correctly. You ask a question even when

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you've heard the answer, because you have it to be

329
00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:53.559
certain before you let yourself feel it. And then slowly, slowly,

330
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you let yourself feel it. The intro backtor infection began

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to clear the bleeding in her brains that progressing. The

332
00:22:01.640 --> 00:22:04.400
shelt was placed to relieve the pressure that had been

333
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building on her brain. A surgery on a body that

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small is its own miracle of precision and skill, and

335
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it worked slowly, carefully, one breath at a time. She

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began to fight her way forward. After eighty six days

337
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in the NIKU, eighty six days of monitors and prayers

338
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:28.400
and scrubbing in and driving back and forth and holding

339
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each other up in the parking lot, we brought her home. Fragile,

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monitor still fragile in ways that would require ongoing care

341
00:22:37.559 --> 00:22:41.119
and attention for years to come, but alive. I am

342
00:22:41.200 --> 00:22:44.160
telling you the moment we walked out of that hospital

343
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with her. The sunlight felt different, the air felt different.

344
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I don't know how else to explain it. Everything that

345
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you have taken for granted, every ordinary thing about an

346
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ordinary day, becomes something else entirely when you have just

347
00:23:00.400 --> 00:23:03.960
spent three months wondering if you'd ever have an ordinary

348
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day again. We cried in the parking lot. Of course

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we did. We weren't finished. We knew that there was

350
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still so much ahead of us, doctors and follow ups

351
00:23:15.519 --> 00:23:19.519
and therapies and questions without clear answers. We knew that,

352
00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:22.960
but we had made it through the worst, or at

353
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least we thought we had. Those four years were remarkable.

354
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Annalin grew, She developed, She hit milestones that had been uncertain,

355
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milestones that doctors had listed in cautious language during those

356
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early months, language that left the future deliberately vague, though

357
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as not to overpromise what a premature brain, a brain

358
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that had led, a brain that had been under pressure,

359
00:23:53.200 --> 00:23:56.079
might or might not be able to do. She did

360
00:23:56.119 --> 00:23:59.920
them anyway. One by one, we celebrated things that all

361
00:24:00.079 --> 00:24:04.480
their parents check off a list without ceremony. For us,

362
00:24:04.839 --> 00:24:08.720
each one felt like winning a championship, like punching through

363
00:24:08.759 --> 00:24:11.400
a wall that had been standing in our way since

364
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the day she was born, her first real steps, her

365
00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:18.319
first words, her first laugh, the kind that starts deep

366
00:24:18.359 --> 00:24:21.160
in climbs. We didn't take any of it for granted.

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We couldn't. We had sat in that hospital room, we

368
00:24:25.079 --> 00:24:28.559
had heard those words. We knew what the alternative looked like.

369
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So we celebrated everything. We were the family that cried

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happy tears at the things other people took for granted,

371
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and we were not embarrassed about that for even a second.

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But then, when Anealem was four years old, new hurdles came.

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Seizures the first time it happened. I want you to

374
00:24:47.200 --> 00:24:51.319
understand what that experience is like as a parent, because

375
00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:53.960
it is one of the worst frightening things a human

376
00:24:54.039 --> 00:24:58.720
can witness. When a child seeses time doesn't just slow down.

377
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I fret your brain stops being able to process things.

378
00:25:03.400 --> 00:25:06.839
There's just the moment and the moment and the moment,

379
00:25:07.559 --> 00:25:12.319
each one arriving before you've finished absorbing the last. Your

380
00:25:12.400 --> 00:25:15.440
child is there. Something is happening to her body that

381
00:25:15.599 --> 00:25:18.200
she has no control over, and you can't stop it.

382
00:25:18.839 --> 00:25:21.680
That's the specific torture of it. You can't stop it.

383
00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:24.440
You can only be present for it, and when it

384
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:27.519
was over, when the moment passed and we were in

385
00:25:27.559 --> 00:25:30.160
the car on the way to get help, I remember

386
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:33.640
the strange silence that filled the space. Not the silence

387
00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:37.839
from one hospital room in twenty seventeen, a different kind,

388
00:25:38.200 --> 00:25:42.519
the silence of a parent recollaborating, of a person thinking,

389
00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:45.720
we thought we were through this, we thought we had

390
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:49.680
passed the worst, and now here we are again, starting

391
00:25:49.720 --> 00:25:53.160
another chapter we didn't ask for. You think you've already

392
00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:56.720
walked through the fire. You think, after everything, that you

393
00:25:56.799 --> 00:25:59.480
have paid some kind of debt, that you have endured

394
00:25:59.599 --> 00:26:03.480
enough that the universe has extracted its toll, and now

395
00:26:03.559 --> 00:26:07.079
you are owed some peace. And then you're reminded, gently

396
00:26:07.119 --> 00:26:11.119
but firmly, that it doesn't work that way. Prematurity doesn't

397
00:26:11.119 --> 00:26:14.000
disappear when you walk out of a nicku. It doesn't

398
00:26:14.079 --> 00:26:16.759
vanish because you want it to, or because you've been

399
00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:21.400
grateful enough, or because you've told the story enough times

400
00:26:21.640 --> 00:26:24.440
that it should be finished. The effects of what her

401
00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:28.559
body went through in those earliest dates, the infections, the

402
00:26:28.599 --> 00:26:34.319
grade four brain bleed, the pressure on her ventucles, the surgery,

403
00:26:34.960 --> 00:26:38.160
those things write themselves into the story of a body,

404
00:26:38.640 --> 00:26:43.359
and sometimes years later that story presents another chapter you

405
00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:50.839
weren't ready for. We entered another season neurologist EEG testing adjustments,

406
00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:56.799
the particular paperwork burden of managing a pediatric neurological condition,

407
00:26:57.480 --> 00:27:03.440
the prior authorizations, the farmacy calls, the school accommodations, the

408
00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:07.240
conversations with teachers about what to watch for and what

409
00:27:07.359 --> 00:27:12.240
to do. Another season of fear, another season of appointments

410
00:27:12.359 --> 00:27:16.319
and not knowing and collaborating your own emotional response every

411
00:27:16.400 --> 00:27:19.519
single day so that your child doesn't feel the weight

412
00:27:19.599 --> 00:27:23.400
of her own medical history landing on her young shoulders,

413
00:27:23.680 --> 00:27:27.960
because that is something parents in these situations carried that

414
00:27:28.119 --> 00:27:31.200
isn't talked about enough. You are managing your own fear

415
00:27:31.240 --> 00:27:36.000
while simultaneously protecting your child from feeling like a problem.

416
00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:39.480
You are terrified and you are tender. At the same time,

417
00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:44.240
you are watching her carefully, and you are refusing, refusing

418
00:27:44.799 --> 00:27:51.200
to let your careful watching becomes something she notices and internalizes.

419
00:27:51.720 --> 00:27:53.960
You want her to feel normal, You want her to

420
00:27:54.000 --> 00:27:56.799
feel safe, You want her to feel like a kid,

421
00:27:57.319 --> 00:28:01.160
and so you manage your fear quietly in margins, in

422
00:28:01.240 --> 00:28:04.119
the car on the way home, and in the brief

423
00:28:04.279 --> 00:28:08.960
minutes before sleep, when your guard comes down. But here

424
00:28:09.039 --> 00:28:12.480
is what was different this time. We weren't the same

425
00:28:12.599 --> 00:28:16.519
people we had been in twenty seventeen. That year had

426
00:28:16.640 --> 00:28:20.759
changed us, not broken us, changed us at the level

427
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:24.599
of character, forged something in us that wasn't there before,

428
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:28.200
something that could only be made under the particular kind

429
00:28:28.200 --> 00:28:32.079
of heat. We had already seen her survive the impossible.

430
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:36.039
We had already watched her beat odds that doctors had

431
00:28:36.119 --> 00:28:40.160
named out loud. We had already learned at a cellular

432
00:28:40.319 --> 00:28:43.920
level what this family is made of. And so when

433
00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:47.599
the seizures came, we were scared. Of course, we were

434
00:28:47.640 --> 00:28:51.480
scared any parent would be, But we were not destroyed.

435
00:28:51.920 --> 00:28:54.799
We got up, We made the calls, We went to

436
00:28:54.839 --> 00:29:00.839
the appointments, We adjusted, we kept going, and we believed again,

437
00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:04.880
as we had believed in that Niku in that parking lot,

438
00:29:05.119 --> 00:29:07.359
in the car on the way to and from the

439
00:29:07.440 --> 00:29:11.200
hospital for eighty six days, we believed she would do

440
00:29:11.240 --> 00:29:14.240
it again. She would beat it again. I want to

441
00:29:14.279 --> 00:29:17.799
tell you who Aneline is today, because that's the point

442
00:29:17.839 --> 00:29:20.839
of all of this, that's where this story has been

443
00:29:20.880 --> 00:29:25.039
going from the very first sentence. Today, Aneline is growing.

444
00:29:25.599 --> 00:29:28.960
She is thriving. She laughs loud, the kind of laugh

445
00:29:29.000 --> 00:29:32.039
that has no filter, no restraint, the kind of laugh

446
00:29:32.079 --> 00:29:35.160
that makes other people laugh just because of how free

447
00:29:35.200 --> 00:29:40.680
it is. She runs, she plays, she argues with her siblings.

448
00:29:41.200 --> 00:29:45.960
She has opinions about things. She has preferences and favorite foods,

449
00:29:45.960 --> 00:29:48.920
and games he wants to win. She is full of

450
00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:52.440
life in the most complete sense of that phrase. The

451
00:29:52.480 --> 00:29:56.000
same little girl who doctors once weren't sure would survive

452
00:29:56.519 --> 00:30:00.519
became the Children's Miracle Network ambassador at four year years old.

453
00:30:01.039 --> 00:30:04.839
Think about that. The baby who needed the organization's support

454
00:30:05.119 --> 00:30:09.279
came back years later as its faith, as its living,

455
00:30:09.519 --> 00:30:14.480
breathing argument for why the work matters. Three pounds six ounces,

456
00:30:14.839 --> 00:30:19.200
she now stands tall as a testimony. We still have hurdles.

457
00:30:19.400 --> 00:30:21.640
I want to be honest with you about that, because

458
00:30:21.759 --> 00:30:24.880
I think there's a version of this story that wraps

459
00:30:25.160 --> 00:30:28.680
everything in a bowl and suggests that the hard part

460
00:30:28.759 --> 00:30:33.240
is over and now everything is easy. That's not true.

461
00:30:33.480 --> 00:30:37.079
We still have appointments, We still have moments that stretch

462
00:30:37.119 --> 00:30:39.960
our faith and ask things of us that we didn't

463
00:30:39.960 --> 00:30:43.759
budget for. There are still days, but we are not

464
00:30:43.880 --> 00:30:48.000
standing in silence anymore. We are standing in strength. And

465
00:30:48.039 --> 00:30:51.319
there is a difference between those two things that no

466
00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:55.559
one who hasn't lived them can fully explain. Let me

467
00:30:55.599 --> 00:30:59.279
tell you, I've been asked more than once. What July

468
00:30:59.400 --> 00:31:02.720
of two thousand and seventeen taught us. People who know

469
00:31:02.799 --> 00:31:05.559
pieces of the story want to know what you take

470
00:31:05.640 --> 00:31:09.079
from something like that, what you carry forward, What the

471
00:31:09.119 --> 00:31:12.680
hardest year of your life leaves behind when it finally

472
00:31:12.839 --> 00:31:17.440
releases its grip. Let me tell you faith isn't passive.

473
00:31:18.160 --> 00:31:20.440
I think a lot of people, and I include our

474
00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:24.519
former selves in this, treat faith like a waiting posture,

475
00:31:25.200 --> 00:31:28.960
like something you hold while something else happens, like a

476
00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:32.440
spiritual blanket you pull around yourself while you wait for

477
00:31:32.519 --> 00:31:35.680
God to act. We talk about having faith the way

478
00:31:35.680 --> 00:31:39.599
we talk about having patience, like it's a still thing,

479
00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:42.759
a quiet thing, a thing you hold in your hands

480
00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:46.400
without moving. What that year taught us is that faith

481
00:31:46.480 --> 00:31:49.599
is active. It moves, It puts one foot in front

482
00:31:49.640 --> 00:31:51.599
of the other in the dark. It shows up to

483
00:31:51.640 --> 00:31:54.759
the hospital every single day, even when the news is

484
00:31:54.799 --> 00:31:58.440
the same. It drives across town on a gas voulture,

485
00:31:58.920 --> 00:32:01.839
and it scrubs its hand and touches a three pound

486
00:32:01.880 --> 00:32:06.359
baby through the portal of an incubator and whispers, We're here,

487
00:32:07.039 --> 00:32:10.680
We're still here, We're not leaving. Faith is what got

488
00:32:10.759 --> 00:32:13.799
us out of our bed on day thirty seven of

489
00:32:13.920 --> 00:32:18.000
the Niku, when every cell of our bodies wanted to collapse.

490
00:32:18.640 --> 00:32:21.599
Faith is what kept us during the long nights. Faith

491
00:32:21.720 --> 00:32:24.640
is what made us capable of hope when hope seemed

492
00:32:24.799 --> 00:32:27.599
like the most expensive thing in the world. Faith is

493
00:32:27.799 --> 00:32:32.240
action taken in the absence of certainty. That's what it is.

494
00:32:33.160 --> 00:32:37.200
That's what it has to be. Family isn't optional. I

495
00:32:37.240 --> 00:32:40.279
know it sounds simple. I know everyone says it, but

496
00:32:40.319 --> 00:32:42.400
there is something about standing in the middle of a

497
00:32:42.599 --> 00:32:47.880
crisis that recognizes your understanding of what the word actually means.

498
00:32:48.640 --> 00:32:53.519
In ordinary life. Family is a category people you love,

499
00:32:54.119 --> 00:32:58.279
people you call on birthdays, people who share your history.

500
00:32:59.200 --> 00:33:03.880
Any crisis, family becomes a verb. Family is the people

501
00:33:03.880 --> 00:33:06.799
who show up before you ask, who don't wait for

502
00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:11.039
you to identify the need and communicate it and confirm

503
00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:15.480
that yes, help would be appreciated. They just show up

504
00:33:15.720 --> 00:33:19.599
and do the thing. Family is the food on the porch.

505
00:33:20.240 --> 00:33:23.160
Family is the person who picks up your kids without

506
00:33:23.279 --> 00:33:27.920
making it a conversation. Family is the text that says,

507
00:33:28.160 --> 00:33:31.319
don't worry about anything. We have it and means it.

508
00:33:32.039 --> 00:33:34.720
Family is the person sitting next to you in the

509
00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:38.559
hospital parking lot at midnight who doesn't say a word

510
00:33:39.039 --> 00:33:43.319
because there aren't words, but they stay anyway. Family is

511
00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:46.920
the thing that holds when everything else is shaking. And

512
00:33:46.960 --> 00:33:50.680
I want to be clear. Family in this context is

513
00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:55.039
not just biology. Family is whoever shows up. It is

514
00:33:55.200 --> 00:34:00.200
neighbors and church members and people from your community who

515
00:34:00.200 --> 00:34:03.839
had no obligation to help and helped anyway. Family is

516
00:34:03.880 --> 00:34:07.720
bigger than blood. It is the circle of people who choose,

517
00:34:08.119 --> 00:34:11.519
in a moment of crisis to include themselves in the cost.

518
00:34:12.280 --> 00:34:17.199
We had that and it saved us. Community matters. We

519
00:34:17.239 --> 00:34:21.199
live in a world that celebrates self sufficiency. We celebrate

520
00:34:21.239 --> 00:34:25.119
the person who handles everything alone, who doesn't need help,

521
00:34:25.679 --> 00:34:30.679
who figures it out without inconveniencing anyone. We treat independence

522
00:34:31.079 --> 00:34:34.639
like a virtue and asking for help like a character flaw.

523
00:34:35.280 --> 00:34:38.559
We would rather quietly suffer than admit that we have

524
00:34:38.800 --> 00:34:41.440
reached our limit. I am here to tell you that

525
00:34:41.599 --> 00:34:45.039
is a lie we have collectively agreed to believe, and

526
00:34:45.119 --> 00:34:48.840
it causes extraordinary harm. Asking for help is how you

527
00:34:48.920 --> 00:34:53.760
survive full stop. Asking for help is what made it

528
00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:57.320
possible for us to be present for our daughter every

529
00:34:57.800 --> 00:35:02.719
single day of those eighty six days. Without Children's Miracle Network,

530
00:35:02.840 --> 00:35:06.840
without those gas fouters, we would have had to make

531
00:35:06.880 --> 00:35:11.000
impossible choices stay with Anelin or go home with our

532
00:35:11.039 --> 00:35:14.960
other children, be present for that baby who needed us,

533
00:35:15.599 --> 00:35:19.079
or be present for the kids who needed us. That

534
00:35:19.239 --> 00:35:22.039
is not a choice any parent should have to make,

535
00:35:22.679 --> 00:35:25.360
and we didn't have to make it because we asked

536
00:35:25.400 --> 00:35:28.480
for help, because a nurse sat down and told us

537
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:32.840
help was available. Asking for help is not weakness, It

538
00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:36.960
is wisdom. It is the decision to prioritize the outcome

539
00:35:37.039 --> 00:35:40.239
over the ego. It is the recognition that you were

540
00:35:40.320 --> 00:35:43.760
not built to carry everything alone, and that the people

541
00:35:43.800 --> 00:35:49.159
around you, in your community, in your family, in organizations

542
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:53.519
you didn't even know existed, may be ready and willing

543
00:35:53.559 --> 00:35:56.519
to help if you just let them. We asked for help,

544
00:35:57.119 --> 00:36:00.639
we received it, and our daughter is alive. Let that

545
00:36:00.760 --> 00:36:04.159
be the testimony. Asking for help is the right thing

546
00:36:04.239 --> 00:36:07.880
to do. And one more thing, one that I think

547
00:36:07.960 --> 00:36:10.320
is the most important thing I can leave you with.

548
00:36:11.239 --> 00:36:15.079
Miracles don't always look dramatic. We want them to. We

549
00:36:15.159 --> 00:36:17.039
want the parting of the sea and the voice from

550
00:36:17.119 --> 00:36:22.000
the sky, and not unmistakable, undeniable sign that something divine

551
00:36:22.079 --> 00:36:26.119
has intervened. We want to be certain. But miracles are

552
00:36:26.239 --> 00:36:31.760
quieter than that, more patient, more ordinary in their packaging.

553
00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:35.840
A three pound baby taking one more breath that is

554
00:36:35.920 --> 00:36:38.880
a miracle. A gas vulture that gets a mother to

555
00:36:38.920 --> 00:36:42.480
the niku for the thirty eighth time. That is a miracle.

556
00:36:43.159 --> 00:36:45.320
A nurse who decides, at the end of a long

557
00:36:45.360 --> 00:36:48.480
shift to sit down next to a mother she barely

558
00:36:48.559 --> 00:36:53.360
knows and says, hey, there is help available, let me

559
00:36:53.440 --> 00:36:57.039
tell you about it. That is a miracle. A grade

560
00:36:57.079 --> 00:37:01.679
four brain bleed that stops progressing, a shunt that works,

561
00:37:02.320 --> 00:37:06.000
an infection that clears a body that had every reason

562
00:37:06.039 --> 00:37:10.199
to give up and didn't. All miracles. And a four

563
00:37:10.280 --> 00:37:13.920
year old overcoming her first seizure, and then the next one,

564
00:37:14.400 --> 00:37:17.719
and then the next one, until the seizures become manageable

565
00:37:17.960 --> 00:37:21.559
and then infrequent, and then the part of history rather

566
00:37:21.639 --> 00:37:25.400
than an ongoing crisis. That too, all of it, And

567
00:37:25.440 --> 00:37:28.599
the most miraculous thing of all might be this, a

568
00:37:28.679 --> 00:37:32.440
little girl who doctors once stood over with uncertain faces

569
00:37:33.239 --> 00:37:36.639
who came into this world at three pounds six ounces,

570
00:37:36.800 --> 00:37:41.039
surrounded by machines, who spent her first eighty six days

571
00:37:41.119 --> 00:37:44.679
under fluorescent lights while her parents drove back and forth

572
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:48.159
and scrubbed their hands and prayed desperate prayers in the dark.

573
00:37:48.719 --> 00:37:51.280
That same little girl who sits across the table at

574
00:37:51.360 --> 00:37:57.559
breakfast arguing about what she's going to have for lunch, loud, opinionated, alive.

575
00:37:58.239 --> 00:38:05.000
That is the miracle, the ordinary, beautiful, loud, laughing, impossible,

576
00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:09.119
ordinary morning. I will never stop being grateful for it.

577
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:12.880
If you are walking through something right now, If you

578
00:38:12.920 --> 00:38:15.800
are sitting in a hospital room at this exact moment,

579
00:38:16.119 --> 00:38:20.000
listening to this with headphones in, trying to hold yourself

580
00:38:20.000 --> 00:38:23.719
together while the world outside keeps moving like nothing is happening,

581
00:38:24.280 --> 00:38:28.320
while people walk by in normal clothes, while normal concerns,

582
00:38:28.519 --> 00:38:32.679
obvious to the fact that your whole world has narrowed

583
00:38:32.719 --> 00:38:35.880
to a room and a bed and a machine making

584
00:38:35.960 --> 00:38:39.920
sounds you've memorized. Hear this if you are waiting for

585
00:38:40.039 --> 00:38:42.880
test results or a phone call, or a piece of

586
00:38:42.960 --> 00:38:47.079
news that will either crack everything open or give you

587
00:38:47.199 --> 00:38:50.760
the first real breath you've had in weeks. If you

588
00:38:50.920 --> 00:38:54.800
are stretched far beyond what you thought was your limit,

589
00:38:55.079 --> 00:38:58.559
that you've lost sight of where your limit was. If

590
00:38:58.559 --> 00:39:02.119
you're sitting in a parking right now because you need

591
00:39:02.199 --> 00:39:05.360
five minutes away from the waiting room, and you put

592
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:09.239
on this podcast just to hear another human voice that

593
00:39:09.400 --> 00:39:14.360
wasn't delivering information or instructions, hear this. You are stronger

594
00:39:14.400 --> 00:39:17.159
than you think you are. I don't say this as

595
00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:20.159
a slogan. I don't say that as a kind of

596
00:39:20.320 --> 00:39:24.440
encouragement that sounds good but land hollow. I don't say

597
00:39:24.480 --> 00:39:26.920
it because it's the right thing to say at the

598
00:39:27.039 --> 00:39:30.800
end of this episode like this. I say it as

599
00:39:30.840 --> 00:39:34.880
a person who sat in that silence, who heard those words,

600
00:39:35.400 --> 00:39:38.920
who lived inside a particular kind of fear for nearly

601
00:39:39.079 --> 00:39:42.800
three months and came out on the other side, who

602
00:39:42.880 --> 00:39:46.880
drove back and forth and borrowed gas money and scrubbed

603
00:39:46.920 --> 00:39:50.280
their hands and touched a three pound baby through glass

604
00:39:50.559 --> 00:39:53.320
and came back and did it again the next day.

605
00:39:53.760 --> 00:39:57.400
You are stronger than you know. Because strength doesn't announce

606
00:39:57.400 --> 00:40:01.079
itself before you need it. It doesn't give you a preview.

607
00:40:01.679 --> 00:40:04.880
It shows up when there's no alternative, when there is

608
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:08.679
nothing left to do but be strong. You discover that

609
00:40:08.800 --> 00:40:12.159
you have been holding reserves you didn't know. We're there.

610
00:40:12.639 --> 00:40:17.079
That's where strength actually lives, not in the easy days,

611
00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:20.800
not in the moments when everything is working, not in

612
00:40:20.880 --> 00:40:24.320
the times when you feel capable and rested and ready.

613
00:40:24.719 --> 00:40:26.880
In the moments when nothing is working and you get

614
00:40:26.960 --> 00:40:29.519
up anyway, when the last thing you want to do

615
00:40:29.719 --> 00:40:33.119
is face another day of it, and you face it anyway,

616
00:40:33.800 --> 00:40:36.719
when you have nothing left to give, and you find

617
00:40:36.760 --> 00:40:40.320
something to give anyway, God is closer than you feel.

618
00:40:40.679 --> 00:40:44.239
In those desperate, broken prayers at two in the morning.

619
00:40:44.880 --> 00:40:48.280
God was in those prayers, in the nurse who sat

620
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:50.840
down and told us about help we didn't know to

621
00:40:50.960 --> 00:40:55.400
ask for. God was in that conversation, In the family

622
00:40:55.519 --> 00:40:59.079
members who showed up without being asked, God was in

623
00:40:59.119 --> 00:41:03.079
that showing up. Faith is being able to see those

624
00:41:03.199 --> 00:41:06.519
moments for what they are, even when you're exhausted, even

625
00:41:06.559 --> 00:41:09.840
when your eyes are too tired from crying to see clearly.

626
00:41:10.639 --> 00:41:14.920
Even then, and this moment, as dark as it is,

627
00:41:15.360 --> 00:41:18.079
as heavy as it is, it's not the end of

628
00:41:18.119 --> 00:41:22.280
your story. It is a chapter. One of the hard ones,

629
00:41:23.199 --> 00:41:25.480
one of the ones that changes the shape of you,

630
00:41:26.400 --> 00:41:30.119
one of the ones that you will one day share

631
00:41:30.119 --> 00:41:33.239
with someone else who is sitting in their own hard chapter,

632
00:41:33.559 --> 00:41:36.599
because you will know exactly what they need to hear.

633
00:41:37.599 --> 00:41:41.079
But it is not. The last July of twenty seventeen

634
00:41:41.480 --> 00:41:44.719
was our hardest year as parents, But it was also

635
00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:48.000
the year we learned what were actually made of. It

636
00:41:48.079 --> 00:41:51.440
was the year that face stopped being a concept and

637
00:41:51.480 --> 00:41:54.400
became a practice. It was the year we found out

638
00:41:54.519 --> 00:41:57.320
what our family is capable of when everything is on

639
00:41:57.400 --> 00:42:01.159
the line. It was the year a three six ounce

640
00:42:01.239 --> 00:42:06.480
girl came into this world fighting and refused, refused to stop.

641
00:42:07.320 --> 00:42:11.159
And because of that year, because all of it, we

642
00:42:11.239 --> 00:42:15.280
are who we are now. We are faith, We are family.

643
00:42:16.000 --> 00:42:20.280
We are resilience. We are gratitude. We are the people

644
00:42:20.719 --> 00:42:23.360
who know what eighty six days in a NICU looks like.

645
00:42:24.320 --> 00:42:27.159
We are the people who know what a gas voucher

646
00:42:27.239 --> 00:42:30.480
means when you're running on empty. We are the people

647
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:35.119
who have heard the silence and kept breathing anyway. We

648
00:42:35.199 --> 00:42:39.119
are the Hansens. No matter what the next chapter holds,

649
00:42:39.400 --> 00:42:42.280
no matter what we're asked to carry, no matter what

650
00:42:42.559 --> 00:42:45.960
silence we're asked to stand in, we will make it through.

651
00:42:46.840 --> 00:42:47.320
Always