Feb. 3, 2026
When Our Kids Get Their Hearts Broken And How We Handle It
Watching your child’s heart break is one of the hardest parts of being a parent—and no one really prepares you for it.
In this deeply personal episode of We Are the Hansons, we talk honestly about what it feels like when our kids experience heartbreak for the first time, whether it’s a broken friendship, rejection, betrayal, or young love ending. As parents of a big family, we’ve seen heartbreak at every age, and we share what we’ve learned about when to step in, when to stay quiet, and how to create a safe place for our kids to feel, heal, and grow.
This episode isn’t about fixing pain—it’s about showing up. We discuss the mistakes parents often make, the words that help (and the ones that hurt), how to balance protection with resilience, and why presence matters more than advice. We also share one of our favorite comfort-food recipes, because sometimes healing starts around the dinner table.
If you’ve ever sat beside a child who was hurting and wished you could take the pain away, this episode is for you.
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You know what nobody really prepares you for as a parent.
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It's not the sleepless nights when they're babies, when you're
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walking the halls at three in the morning, bouncing and
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shushing and praying for just two hours of uninterrupted sleep.
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It's not the diapers, though let's be honest, some of
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those are memorable for all the wrong reasons. It's not
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the chaos of too many bodies in one house, or
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the noise level that would make a rock concert seem peaceful,
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or the mess that multiplies faster than you can clean it.
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It's not even the teenage years, though those have their
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own special brand of terror and beauty mixed together. No,
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it's the moment your kid looks at you with that face,
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that face where you can tell something inside them has
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just cracked. Their eyes are different. There's a weight there
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that wasn't there yesterday, a sadness that feels too heavy
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for someone so young to carry. They're not trying to
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be brave. They're trying not to cry in front of
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you because they think they should be stronger than this.
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They're holding their breath hoping you won't notice the trembling
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in their voice, and all you want to do is
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fix it, but you can't. You can't punch the pain away.
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You can't write a check to make it disappear. You
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can't reason it out without logic or parenting wisdom or
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life experience. You can't go back in time and prevent
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it from happening. All you can do is show up.
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And today we're talking about what that really looks like,
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what it means to hold space for a broken heart,
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what it means to parent through pain. You can't fix
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what it means to watch child suffer and resist every
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instinct to make it stop. Because sometimes the most powerful
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thing we can do as parents is nothing at all
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except stay. Welcome back to We are the Hansons. If
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you're new here, let me introduce ourselves. We're a big family,
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and I mean big, thirteen kids ranging from thirty one
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all the way down to eight years old. We're a
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whole lot of life, a whole lot of love, and honestly,
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a whole lot of learning as we go, because nobody
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hands you a manual for this kind of chaos. My
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name is Maya Hanson, and this podcast is about all
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of it. The family dynamics, the relationship struggles, the parenting
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victories and spectacular failures, the marriage maintenance, the laughter that
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saves us, the mistakes that teach us, the grace we
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desperately need, and the messy, complicated, beautiful reality of doing
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life together with people you love. And today's episode, this
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one hits deep because at some point, no matter how
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much you protect them, no matter how carefully you monitor
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their friendships, no matter how intentional you are about building
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their confidence, your kids are going to get their hearts broken.
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Friendships end without explanation. Trust gets shattered by someone they
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believed in. Someone says something cruel that lands in their
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soul and stays there. Someone leaves when they promised they'd stay.
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Someone doesn't choose them back when they were brave enough
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to choose first. And when that happens, it doesn't just
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hurt them, it hurts you. Sometimes it hurts you more
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because you can see the whole picture. You can see
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the manipulation they're too young to recognize, You can see
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the pain coming before it lands, and you're powerless to
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stop it. So this episode is for every parent who's
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ever sat on the edge of their child's bed at night,
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listening to them cry, searching for words that don't feel empty.
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This is for everyone who's wanted to go to war
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for their kid but didn't know if that was the
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right call. This is for the parents who are tired
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of being told they'll get over it, when right now,
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in this moment, it feels like they never will. Let's
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talk about it. The first time one of your kids
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gets their heart broken, it's almost shocking because up until
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that moment, you were the buffer between them and the world.
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You are the safe place, the protector, the one who
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made everything okay. You are the fixer. You fixed booboos
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with band aids and kisses, You fixed hunger with snacks,
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you fixed tired with naps, you fixed scared with hugs.
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You fixed everything. And suddenly there's a pain that didn't
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come from scraped knees or missed naps or monsters under
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the bed. It came from words or rejection or betrayal
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or disappointment or loss, and you see it land in
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a place you can't bandage. I remember the first time
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one of our kids came home from school and just collapsed,
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not physically but emotionally. The whole walked from the bus
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stop to the door. I could see them holding it together,
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shoulders up, face neutral, But the second they got through
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the door and saw me, everything crumbled. Their best friend,
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the one they'd had sleepovers with, the one they've made
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elaborate plans with for the summer, the one they talked
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about constantly, had decided they weren't friends anymore. No explanation,
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no conversation, just done. And my child couldn't understand. Why
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what did I do wrong? Mom? That question, That question
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will wreck you every single time, because often the answer
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is nothing. You did nothing wrong. The world is just
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sometimes cruel for no reason. People sometimes hurt us, not
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because we deserve it, but because they're hurting too and
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don't know what to do with it. But how do
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you explain that to a nine year old? For us,
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with so many kids, we've seen heartbreak in a hundred
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different forms in every single age. A best friend who
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suddenly decides they don't want to be friends anymore because
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someone cool came along. A kid who wasn't invited to
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the birthday party everyone else got invited to and has
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to sit through Monday morning at school hearing all about
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the fun they missed. A child who trusted someone really
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trusted them with their secrets and their feelings, and that
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trust got stepped on, crushed, turned into gossip. Teen heartbreak, Oh,
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teen heartbreak, that first real love that felt like it
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would last forever, that fell deeper and more real than
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anything they'd ever experienced, and then it ends and they're
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convinced they'll never feel whole again. The child who tries
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out for the team and doesn't make it, the child
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who auditions for a play and gets passed over, the
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child who works so hard on something and watches everyone
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else get the credit. The child who gets excluded, overlooked,
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and forgot. And every time there's this instinct as a
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parent to jump in and fix it, to call the
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other parent and explain what actually happened, to defend your
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child's character and intentions, to correct the misunderstanding, to make
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it fair, to force an apology, to demand justice. But
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here's what we've learned. Fairness doesn't heal heartbreak, Justice doesn't
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mend trust. Revenge doesn't restore innocence. Presence does simply being
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there with no agenda except love, that's what heals. Let's
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be brutally on us for a second. When our kids
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are hurting, there are things we desperately want to say,
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because they make us feel better, even though they do
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absolutely nothing for our kids. It wasn't that serious. You
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barely knew them. You're young, You'll get over it. This
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won't even matter in a year. They weren't good enough
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for you anyway. You deserve better. Just ignore them, don't
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give them power over you. Be tougher. Life's going to
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throw worse at you than this. At least it's not
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as bad as what so and so is going through.
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You're being too sensitive about this. This is a good
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lesson for you to learn. And while some of those
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things might technically be true someday, when enough time has
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passed and the wound has scarred over, they're absolute poison
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in the moment because heartbreak doesn't care about logic. Pain
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doesn't respond to lectures, and grief, yes, even small grief,
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even childhood grief, needs to be felt, not minimized. When
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we've rushed them past the pain. When we try to
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logic away their feelings, when we compare their suffering to
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someone else's or tell them they're overreacting, we teach them
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something dangerous. That their feelings are inconvenient to us, that
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their pain is less important than our comfort, that they
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should hide what they're really going through, that they're too much,
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too sensitive, too emotional, and you know what happens. Then
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they stop coming to you, not all at once, it's gradual,
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but eventually they learn that when they're hurting, you're not
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a safe person to tell, because you either minimize it
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or try to fix it before they've even finished crying.
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I've watched this happen in other families, kids who used
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to share everything becoming teenagers who share nothing, and the
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parents are confused, wondering when their child stop talking to them.
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But the child didn't stop suddenly, They stopped slowly every
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time their feelings were dismissed or rushed. So what do
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our kids actually need when their hearts are broken. It's
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not advice first, it's not perspective, it's not solutions. It's safety.
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They need someone who will sit with them in the
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dark instead of immediately turning on all the lights. They
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need someone who won't rush them toward feeling better. They
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need someone who won't judge their reaction, whether it's crying
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for days or going completely silent, or getting angry or
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pretending they're fine when they're clearly not. They need someone
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who won't make their pain about themselves, about how worried
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they are, or how stressed this makes them, or how
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they're suffering watching their child suffer. They need someone who
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can actually hold space without filling it. Sometimes that looks
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like silence, just sitting there, being present, breathing with them.
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Sometimes it looks like tears, crying with them, not for them,
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but with them. Sometimes it looks like anger, letting them
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be mad without correcting it or explaining why they shouldn't
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feel that way. Sometimes it looks like shutting down, respecting
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that they need to process alone for a while and
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they'll come back when they're ready. In your job, your
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only job in those moments isn't to correct the emotion
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or redirect it or speed it up. Your job is
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to contain it, to be the vessel that holds what
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they can't hold themselves, to say without words, You're allowed
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to hurt here. This is a safe place for your pain.
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I'm not afraid of your feelings. I'm not leaving. Take
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all the time you need. One of our kids, when
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they were about twelve, went through a friendship breakup that
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devastated them, and for weeks they would barely talk about it.
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They'd just come home, go to their room, and you
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could feel the sadness radiating through the walls. I wanted
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so badly to go in there and extract the pain,
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to talk it out, to make them feel better, but
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my husband said something that changed everything. Let them grieve,
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Just check in, let them know you're there, but let
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them grieve. So that's what I did. I'd knock softly
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and ask do you want company or space? Sometimes they
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wanted space. Sometimes they wanted me to just sit there
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while they stared at the ceiling. Sometimes they wanted to talk,
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but not about the friendship, about anything else, just normal
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life continuing around the pain, and slowly, not quickly, but
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slowly they came back to themselves. Not because I fixed anything,
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but because I didn't try to. In our house, with
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thirteen kids and all the complicated dynamics that come with
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that many personalities and relationships, we've had to develop some
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ground rules, some principles we come back to again and again. First,
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we don't mock emotions ever. No eye rolling when someone's crying,
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No sarcasm about being dramatic. No you'll laugh about this
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someday when they're clearly not laughing today. No dismissive comments
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disguised as jokes, because maybe they will laugh about it someday,
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maybe in five years, this moment will feel small and
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silly and completely manageable. But today, right now, they're crying,
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and today matters. We have a rule in our house.
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All feelings are allowed, but not all behaviors are. You
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can be angry, but you can't hit. You can be sad,
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but you can't be cruel to to others because you're hurting.
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You can be scared, but you can't let fear turn
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into control. We separate the feelings from the action. The
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feeling is always valid, always, but what you do with
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that feeling that's where parenting comes in. Second, we don't
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rush recovery. Healing doesn't run on your schedule. It doesn't
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run on mine either. Some kids bounce back fast. They
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feel intensely for a day or two, and then they're
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ready to move on. Others need time, weeks, sometimes maybe
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months for deeper wounds, and some kids need to revisit
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the pain over and over before it finally loosens its grip.
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They'll seem fine and then something will trigger the memory
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and they're back in it again, and that's okay. We've
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stopped saying things like are you still upset about that?
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Because that contains judgment, It implies they should be over
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it by now. Instead, we say, how are you feeling
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about it today? That question leaves room for wherever they are. Third,
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we normalize heartbreak. We don't treat it like it shouldn't
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have happened. We don't say why is this happening to you?
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We say this is part of loving people, This is
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part of being human. Heartbreak doesn't mean they've failed. It
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doesn't mean they chose wrong. It doesn't mean something's wrong
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with them. It means they were brave enough to care,
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brave enough to be vulnerable, brave enough to give someone
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access to their heart. And that's not weakness, that's courage. Fourth,
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we share our own stories, not to make it about us,
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but to show them they're not alone in this feeling.
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I'll tell them about the friend I lost in high
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school who I thought would be in my life forever.
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Husband will tell them about the girl who broke his
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heart when he was sixteen and how he was convinced
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he never recover. We let them see that we survived.
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Our heartbreaks, and we're honest about what happened and what didn't.
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We're honest about the fact that some of those old
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hurts still aches, sometimes even decades later. Because healing doesn't
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mean forgetting, it doesn't mean the pain never happened. It
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means you learn to carry it without it carrying you.
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