April 21, 2026

The Heart of Home Family Time and the Joy of Visitors

The Heart of Home Family Time and the Joy of Visitors
The Heart of Home Family Time and the Joy of Visitors
We are the Hanson's / Family Life, Practical Tips & Self-Care
The Heart of Home Family Time and the Joy of Visitors
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In this heartwarming episode of We Are the Hansons – The Heart of Home, we celebrate the simple but powerful joy of family time and the unforgettable moments that come when loved ones come to visit. From laughter-filled gatherings to meaningful conversations, it’s all about what truly makes a house feel like home.

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There's a sound I know better than almost any other

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sound in the world. It's the sound of tires on

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our driveway. Not just any tire, not the mailman, not

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the ups truck, not the neighbor turning around, family tires.

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You learn the difference after a while. You learn the

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slow crunch of someone who's tired from.

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A long drive.

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You learn the little pause before the car door opens

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at half second, where whoever's inside is stretching their back

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and grabbing the snacks off the floorboard and telling the

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kids to please, for the love of everything, put their

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shoes back on before they get out. I was standing

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at the kitchen sink when I heard it this last time,

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hands wet dish in my left hand, and just stop.

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Because before I even looked up, before I even saw

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them through the window, my whole test already knew they

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were here. And it's the funniest thing, but my feet

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moved before my brain did. I was halfway to the

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door before I even put the dish down. The dog

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was already barking. Somebody upstairs was already yelling.

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They're here, They're here, They're here.

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Like we've been waiting one hundred years, and maybe we

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had maybe a month, feels like one hundred years when

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it's the people you love. I opened the door and

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the summer air just poured in. And that's what today's

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episode is really about. Not family time in the abstract,

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not family time as an idea, but that feeling right

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there at the door. Hey, guys, welcome back to We

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are the Hansons. I'm your host, Maya Hanson, and I

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am so glad you're here with me today. We're slowing

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down a little bit on this one. No big lesson,

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no five step plan, no life hack, just a story

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or honestly, a bunch of little stories strung together.

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About something I've been thinking about.

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For weeks now. We had family in and the house

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was full in every sense of the word, full of people,

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full of suitcases, full of laughter, full of that particular

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kind of noise that you only get when three generations

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are in the same room and everybody's talking at once.

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And when they all left, the house felt different, not empty,

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exactly something else. And I'm still trying to put a

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word on it.

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Maybe by the.

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End of this episode I'll find one. So that's where

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we're headed today. The door opening, the house filling up,

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the kitchen turning into a circus, the kids running wild,

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the porch getting quiet at dusk, the late night talks

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when everybody else has gone to bed, and eventually the goodbye.

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I've also got a.

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Little summer recipe tucked in near the end, something we

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made while everybody was here. Something easy, something that does

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appears faster than you can set it on the table,

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Grab your coffee or your sweet tea, whatever you've got,

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and settle in. So here's the thing about the first

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hour of a family visit.

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It's loud.

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It's loud in a way I don't think I can

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fully describe unless you've lived it. It's hugs and bags

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dropping on the floor, and somebody asking where the bathroom is,

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even though they know where the bathroom is.

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It's kids who haven't seen each.

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Other in months staring at each other for about four

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seconds before they're running down the hallway like they've never

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been apart a day in their lives. It's the grown

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up standing in the entryway trying to have a full

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conversation while somebody's still holding a car seat. It's somebody

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asking if they should take their shoes off, and somebody

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else saying no, no, come in, don't worry about it.

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And then both of them just standing.

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There awkwardly while a kid runs past with a juice

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box that was definitely supposed to stay in the car.

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And I love it.

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I love the mess of that first hour, because you

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can't fake that first hour.

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You can't plan it, you can't stage it. It is

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what it is.

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It's the raw, unfiltered, slightly frazzled, deeply joyful opening scene

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of whatever these next few days are going to be.

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I remember standing in the middle of the living room

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that first afternoon, and everybody was talking, and bags were

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piled by the stairs, and somebody was already in the

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kitchen opening cabinets, and one of the kids was showing

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off a new tooth and anybody who'd look, and I

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just stopped for a second, and I thought, this is it.

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This is the thing. This is the thing that people

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write poems about. This is the thing that people miss

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the most when they get older. This is the thing

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that doesn't show up in photos very well because it's

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not a scene. It's a feeling. The house is breathing in.

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And I think that's the part that nobody ever warns

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you about when you're a young parent, Nobody tells you

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that one day you're going to be old enough, and

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your kids are going to be grown enough, and your

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grandkids are going to be real enough that your whole

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living room is going to be chaos of people who

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come from you, people who started in you, people whose

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whole existence traces back to something as simple as a

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decision you made one afternoon decades ago to say yes

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a little life that scared you a little.

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Nobody tells you that you just.

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Live it, and one day you're standing in the middle

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of it, and the weight of it lands on you

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all at once, and you have to go stir something

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on the stove just to have an excuse to turn

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your back for a second because you don't want them

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to see you getting emotional. Not yet, wait till the

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porchat does. That's where the emotional conversations belong. So after

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the first hour settles down, there's that phase I call

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the spreading out. Everybody takes a spot. You don't even

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have to assign.

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It just happens.

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Somebody claims the guest room, Somebody dumps their bag on

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the couch, Somebody steaks out a recliner like they're planning

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a flag, Kids disappear upstairs, phones get plugged in, chargers

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start multiplying. I swear, within an hour of family showing up,

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there are more charging cables in my house than we've

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owned in the last decade. And suddenly the house shifts.

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The routines that felt so important yesterday day gone. The

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way I fold the throw blanket just so on the

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end of the couch, forget it. The blanket is somebody's pillow.

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Now the kitchen counter that was clean at noon, it's

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got three coffee cups, a box of crackers, a half

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eaten banana, somebody's keys, and a pair of sunglasses.

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Nobody's cleaning.

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And I'm telling you, I love it, because a house

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that's touney is a house that nobody's really living in.

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And when family's there, the house is living. It's breathing,

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it's stretching out. The rooms are being used the way

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rooms are supposed to be used. My grandma used to

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say a clean house is a sign nobody's home. I

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think about that a lot. The cleaness my house, ever is,

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is the moment right after everybody leaves, and I trade

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clean for a full every single time. Now, let me

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tell you about the kitchen, because the kitchen that's where

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everything happens. I don't care how big your living room is,

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I don't care how nice your dining room is. I

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don't care if you've got a whole finished basement.

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With a pool table in a bar.

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When family comes over, they end up in the kitchen

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every single time. I'll be in there trying to put

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a meal together, and within about ten minutes there are

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five people leaning on the counter. Somebody's got a cup

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of coffee, somebody else is holding a baby, somebody's standing

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halfway in the hallway because there's no room left at

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the island. But they don't want to miss the conversation.

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And the conversations that happen in a kitchen when family's over,

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those are the ones. Those are the ones that don't

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happen anywhere else. You'll get the old stories, the ones

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you've heard a hundred times but nobody's tired of. The

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one about my dad and the boat, the one about

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the thing thanks Giving the turkey didn't thaw, the one

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about the uncle who swore he saw something in the

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woods and nobody believes him to this day, and he'll

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argue about it until he's blue in the face. And

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then you get the news stories, the ones people haven't

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told yet, something that happened at work, something a grandkid said,

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something somebody's been carrying around for months and finally feels

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safe enough to put it on your kitchen counter. And

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in between all that, there's food. Somebody's chopping onions, somebody's

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stirring something. Somebody's sneaking bites of whatever's in the pan

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and swearing they didn't. Somebody's arguing that their mom's version

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is better. Somebody's not even pretending to help. They're just

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standing there eating the cheese straight out of the bay.

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And the whole time, the kitchen is alive. It smells

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like butter, it smells like garlic, it smells like something baking.

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It smells like coffee from the morning that's still on

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the pot. Nobody's had a second to wash it out.

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And I look around and I think this is the

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heart of everything. Four walls and a stove, that's all

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it is, and somehow it holds all of us.

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I had a.

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Moment in there this last visit, and it caught me

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off guard. I was at the stove stirring something, and

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I could hear everybody behind me. Somebody was telling the

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story about the time my father in law tried to

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deep fry a turkey in the garage and everybody was howling.

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And I turned around just for a second, and I

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looked at the room, and I realized every single person

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in that kitchen was somebody I had loved for a

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very long time, not a stranger, not a new face,

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not anybody I was still figuring out. Every single person

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had been with me for years, decades. Some of them

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had seen me at my best and my worst, had

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been through things with me, had held something of mine

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that they never gave back because I never asked for.

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It back, because it was theirs.

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No, And I remember thinking, how many people in the

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world get to stand in a room like that. How

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many people get to look around a kitchen on a

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Tuesday afternoon and see that much history, that much love,

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that much shared life in one place. Not everybody, not

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most people. Honestly, it's a gift, and it's the kind

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of gift you don't always recognize while you're inside of it.

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You recognize it later. You recognize it when the kitchen's

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empty and you're wiping down the counter alone. But if

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you're lucky and if you're paying attention, sometimes you catch

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it in real time. That's what happened to me this visit.

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I caught it.

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I was standing there with a wooden spoon in my hand,

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and I saw it for what it was. And I'll

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carry that moment for a long time. Okay, the cousins.

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I have to talk about the cousins, because watching cousins

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reunite is one of the purest things I've ever seen

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in my life. There's this moment, usually within the first

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twenty minutes of everybody arriving, where the kids find each

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other and there's almost no words exchanged. Maybe hey, maybe

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did you bring it? Maybe just a look, and then

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they're gone up the stairs, out the back door, into

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the bedroom, into the yard, doesn't matter. They just disappear

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into their own world. And their own world has different

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rules than ours. Their world has games that don't make sense,

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games with rules that change every two minutes, games that

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involve pillows and blankets and an old laundry basket that's

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been repurposed into a spaceship or a horse or a submarine,

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depending on who's in charge that hour. They come downstairs occasionally,

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usually because somebody's hungry, or somebody's bleeding, or somebody wants

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to tell on somebody, and then they vanish again. And

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here's what I love about it. They're building something right

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there in real time. While the growing ups are in

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the kitchen solving the world's problems over coffee, those kids

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are building the thing that'll hold them together for the

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rest of their lives. Because cousins are something special. Cousins

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aren't quite siblings. They don't see each other every day,

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they don't fight over bathrooms. They don't have to share

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the last pancake on Tuesday morning before school. So there's

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this magic to it, this specialness. Every visit feels like

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the best day of the year. And years from now

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on when they're grown, when they're at each other's weddings

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or standing in hospital hallways or showing up at funerals,

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or calling each other out of the blue at forty

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years old just to say hi, it'll be because these afternoons,

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the afternoons in the backyard, these nights piled on the

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living room floor and sleeping bags, these dinners where they

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had their own little kids table and laughed so hard

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milk came from somebody's nose. I didn't used to see

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00:14:14.360 --> 00:14:16.519
it that way when I was a young mom. I

237
00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:19.480
just saw the mess, the noise, the band aids I

238
00:14:19.559 --> 00:14:21.720
had to keep finding. Now I see it for what

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00:14:21.840 --> 00:14:25.000
it is. I'm watching the first chapter of something that's

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00:14:25.039 --> 00:14:27.799
going to last their whole lives, and I get the

241
00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:30.759
front row seat. I'll tell you a little moment from

242
00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:34.639
the visit that I'm still thinking about. The older cousins

243
00:14:34.679 --> 00:14:37.120
had the little ones out in the backyard and they

244
00:14:37.159 --> 00:14:42.039
were playing some games, some made up thing, something about dragons,

245
00:14:42.360 --> 00:14:46.440
I think, or maybe pirates. I honestly couldn't keep up,

246
00:14:47.000 --> 00:14:50.120
and one of the littlest ones fell down, just tripped

247
00:14:50.120 --> 00:14:53.960
over her own feet, scraped her knee a little, started crying,

248
00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:56.639
and before I could even get out the back door

249
00:14:56.679 --> 00:14:59.399
to check on her, one of the older cousins was

250
00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:02.679
already down on the grass with her, had her in

251
00:15:02.840 --> 00:15:06.039
his lap, was wiping her face with the bottom of

252
00:15:06.080 --> 00:15:08.759
his t shirt, telling her it was okay, telling her

253
00:15:08.840 --> 00:15:12.159
he'd carry her inside, telling her she was the bravest

254
00:15:12.200 --> 00:15:14.960
one in the whole game, and the dragons would be

255
00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:18.679
sad she had to quit, but they understood, and I

256
00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:22.039
stopped right there halfway through the back door.

257
00:15:22.559 --> 00:15:24.159
Because he's just a kid himself.

258
00:15:24.639 --> 00:15:25.440
He's not that.

259
00:15:25.519 --> 00:15:29.039
Much older than she is. Nobody taught him to do

260
00:15:29.080 --> 00:15:32.960
that in a class, nobody gave him a handbook. He

261
00:15:33.200 --> 00:15:38.279
just did it because she was his cousin, because that's.

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00:15:38.039 --> 00:15:38.759
What they do.

263
00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:42.080
And I thought about where that comes from, and I

264
00:15:42.159 --> 00:15:44.480
realized it comes from this right here.

265
00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:47.960
These visits, these visits.

266
00:15:47.679 --> 00:15:52.399
Are teaching them something they'll never consciously remember learning. They're

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00:15:52.440 --> 00:15:56.279
teaching them that family shows up. Family scoops you up

268
00:15:56.279 --> 00:15:59.759
off the grass, Family wipes your face with a T shirt.

269
00:16:00.279 --> 00:16:05.120
Family tells you the dragons understand. And those kids, they're

270
00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:07.600
going to carry that into the rest of their lives,

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00:16:08.120 --> 00:16:12.919
into their friendships, into their marriages, into the way they

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00:16:12.960 --> 00:16:15.480
parent their own kids someday, into.

273
00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:17.240
The way they show up for people they.

274
00:16:17.120 --> 00:16:20.720
Love when something bad happens. They don't know they're learning it,

275
00:16:21.399 --> 00:16:25.159
but they are. Every single visit. Let me take you

276
00:16:25.240 --> 00:16:28.559
somewhere quieter for a minute, because not every part of

277
00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:32.000
a family visit is loud. Some of the best parts aren't.

278
00:16:32.799 --> 00:16:36.039
There's this moment almost every single visit where the sun's

279
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.519
going down and dinner's been eat and the kids have

280
00:16:39.679 --> 00:16:42.919
scattered off to do whatever kids do, and a few

281
00:16:42.919 --> 00:16:47.200
of us end up on the porch, not everybody, usually

282
00:16:47.320 --> 00:16:50.039
just two or three, and the light's doing this thing

283
00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:51.879
where everything turns.

284
00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:52.360
A little gold.

285
00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:56.799
The bugs are starting up, somebody's got their shoes off,

286
00:16:57.080 --> 00:17:00.840
somebody's got a drink in their hand, and the conversation slower.

287
00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:04.440
That's the part I love the most, because during the

288
00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:08.920
day everything's fast. Kids are pulling you six different directions.

289
00:17:09.039 --> 00:17:14.079
You're cooking, cleaning, refereeing, laughing, catching up in fragments. But

290
00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:20.400
at dust on the porch, everybody finally exhales, and that's

291
00:17:20.400 --> 00:17:23.559
when the real stuff comes out. Somebody tells you how

292
00:17:23.599 --> 00:17:28.279
work's been really been, not the surface version, the real one.

293
00:17:28.680 --> 00:17:30.200
Somebody opens up about.

294
00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:33.000
Their marriage or their kid, or a fear they've been

295
00:17:33.000 --> 00:17:36.559
carrying around all year and just now has a safe

296
00:17:36.759 --> 00:17:40.079
enough place to set it down. Somebody asks you a

297
00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:44.200
question you weren't expected, and suddenly you're answering it honestly,

298
00:17:44.559 --> 00:17:47.119
and you realize you haven't said any of this out

299
00:17:47.119 --> 00:17:51.799
loud before. There's no agenda on the porch, no phone,

300
00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:56.480
no TV, no to do list, just people and the

301
00:17:56.519 --> 00:18:00.319
air cooling off and the sound of the evening, and

302
00:18:00.359 --> 00:18:04.279
I've noticed something. The best conversations I've ever had in

303
00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:07.920
my life have almost all happened in moments like that,

304
00:18:08.759 --> 00:18:11.680
not at the dinner table, not in the living room,

305
00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:15.680
not even in the kitchen, on the port with the

306
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:19.799
light going gold and the bugs starting up, and somebody

307
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:23.359
saying something honest that you'll remember for years.

308
00:18:24.079 --> 00:18:25.920
I had one of those this last visit.

309
00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:28.759
I won't share the whole thing because it wasn't mine

310
00:18:28.839 --> 00:18:31.119
to tell, but I'll tell you the shape of it.

311
00:18:31.799 --> 00:18:34.200
Somebody I've known for most of my life sat down

312
00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:37.000
next to me on the porch and they were quiet

313
00:18:37.000 --> 00:18:40.720
for a while, just rocking, just looking out at the yard,

314
00:18:41.720 --> 00:18:46.359
and then, without any build up, without any warning, it

315
00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:49.440
just said something they'd been carrying around for a long time,

316
00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:54.920
something heavy, something they hadn't told anybody else. And I

317
00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:57.880
didn't say much back. I didn't try to fix it.

318
00:18:58.440 --> 00:19:00.920
I didn't hand them a verse or a piece of

319
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:05.680
advice or three step plan. I just listened, and when

320
00:19:05.680 --> 00:19:08.720
they were done, they kind of let out this big breath,

321
00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:12.079
like they've been holding it for months, and we just

322
00:19:12.119 --> 00:19:15.839
sat there for a little longer, not saying anything, just

323
00:19:15.920 --> 00:19:18.799
two people on a porch at dusk with a weight

324
00:19:19.079 --> 00:19:22.839
that was now a little bit shared between us. And

325
00:19:22.920 --> 00:19:26.160
I realized that night, laying in bed, that I probably

326
00:19:26.240 --> 00:19:30.000
wouldn't have heard that story anywhere else. It wouldn't have

327
00:19:30.039 --> 00:19:32.920
happened on a phone call, It wouldn't have happened in

328
00:19:33.039 --> 00:19:36.000
a text, It wouldn't have happened at the dinner table

329
00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:40.920
with everybody else around. It happened on the porch because

330
00:19:40.920 --> 00:19:43.880
sometimes people can't say the heavy things face to face.

331
00:19:44.519 --> 00:19:47.359
Sometimes they can only say them sitting side by side,

332
00:19:47.920 --> 00:19:51.720
looking out at something else. And in the softer life,

333
00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:54.839
when the day is almost done, and a house with

334
00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:59.359
a porch or a backstep or a couple of chairs

335
00:19:59.400 --> 00:20:01.880
in the yard, that's not just a house.

336
00:20:02.640 --> 00:20:04.039
That's a place where heavy.

337
00:20:03.799 --> 00:20:06.279
Things can be said, and that's one of the most

338
00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:07.759
valuable things a home can be.

339
00:20:08.519 --> 00:20:10.400
And then there's the late night.

340
00:20:10.880 --> 00:20:14.759
The kids are finally asleep, or they're not, but they're

341
00:20:14.799 --> 00:20:19.240
at least in their rooms, pretending the dishes are mostly done.

342
00:20:19.519 --> 00:20:22.640
The dogs have given up trying to get attention and

343
00:20:22.759 --> 00:20:26.200
are passed out somewhere, and you and whoever else is

344
00:20:26.240 --> 00:20:30.000
still awake, end up back at the kitchen table or

345
00:20:30.200 --> 00:20:33.880
on the couch, or sometimes just leaning against the counter

346
00:20:34.079 --> 00:20:37.559
with the lights half off, because nobody wants to officially

347
00:20:37.599 --> 00:20:40.519
commit to staying up, but nobody wants to be the

348
00:20:40.559 --> 00:20:43.400
first to go to bed either. That's my favorite park,

349
00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:47.519
I'll tell you, honestly, that might be my favorite part

350
00:20:47.559 --> 00:20:50.640
of having family in the house because it's just you

351
00:20:50.720 --> 00:20:56.079
and them, no performance, no hosting, no hosting. You're not

352
00:20:56.119 --> 00:21:00.839
trying to make anything special. You're just talking. And the

353
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:04.200
talks that happen at midnight, when you're both half tired

354
00:21:04.240 --> 00:21:08.039
and your guard is down, those talks hit different. You

355
00:21:08.200 --> 00:21:11.200
laugh at things that aren't even that funny. You remember

356
00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:14.599
things you forgot. You remember. You tell a story about

357
00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:18.160
your mom or your grandma, or a house you lived

358
00:21:18.160 --> 00:21:20.680
in when you were little, or a road trip you

359
00:21:20.759 --> 00:21:24.759
took thirty years ago that nobody else alive remembers except

360
00:21:24.759 --> 00:21:27.440
the two of you. And you sit there in your

361
00:21:27.440 --> 00:21:31.200
own kitchen with somebody you love at midnight and the

362
00:21:31.240 --> 00:21:34.920
world outside is quiet, and the house is asleep around you,

363
00:21:35.279 --> 00:21:38.480
and it feels like you're holding onto something precious with

364
00:21:38.640 --> 00:21:42.079
both hands, and you know it and they know it,

365
00:21:42.440 --> 00:21:45.279
and nobody says it out loud, but you both know

366
00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:50.200
you'll remember this, this exact conversation, this exact cup of

367
00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:55.200
coffee that's long since gone cold, this exact moment forever.

368
00:21:55.920 --> 00:21:59.640
The morning when the family's staying over, those are different too.

369
00:22:00.119 --> 00:22:04.319
The house wakes up slow. Somebody's always up first, usually me, honest.

370
00:22:04.960 --> 00:22:07.839
I like to quiet before the storm. I like starting

371
00:22:07.880 --> 00:22:11.119
coffee when the whole house is still, hearing the coffee

372
00:22:11.119 --> 00:22:14.799
pot girgle, and knowing that in about forty minutes this

373
00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:17.599
whole place is going to be loud again. But right

374
00:22:17.640 --> 00:22:21.079
now it's just me and the sun coming through the

375
00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:25.079
window and the sound of somebody snoring upstairs. Then one

376
00:22:25.119 --> 00:22:28.599
person shovels into the kitchen in their pajamas, then another,

377
00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:32.039
and slowly the house fills back up. Kids come down

378
00:22:32.079 --> 00:22:36.160
one by one. Here's sticking up sideways, asking what's for breakfast.

379
00:22:36.720 --> 00:22:39.519
Grown ups pour their first cup and lean on the

380
00:22:39.559 --> 00:22:42.240
counter and start the day the way you can only

381
00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:44.880
start a day when you're with people who've known you

382
00:22:44.880 --> 00:22:48.799
your whole life. Nobody's in a rush, nobody's checking a clock.

383
00:22:49.400 --> 00:22:52.480
That in itself is kind of a miracle, because how

384
00:22:52.519 --> 00:22:55.960
often does mornings feel like that, where nobody's running out

385
00:22:56.000 --> 00:22:59.640
the door or nobody's rushing to meetings, or the whole

386
00:22:59.640 --> 00:23:03.359
morning just gets to be a morning. I could stay

387
00:23:03.400 --> 00:23:06.799
in those mornings forever. There was one morning, this last visit.

388
00:23:07.279 --> 00:23:10.240
I came downstairs before anybody else, and I made my

389
00:23:10.359 --> 00:23:13.319
coffee and I sat at the kitchen table in that

390
00:23:13.440 --> 00:23:16.720
kind of blue pre dawn light, and the whole house

391
00:23:16.839 --> 00:23:19.240
was still, and I could hear the clock on the

392
00:23:19.279 --> 00:23:22.319
wall for the first time in days. You don't hear

393
00:23:22.359 --> 00:23:25.559
that clock when the house is full, gets swallowed. But

394
00:23:25.720 --> 00:23:29.240
that morning I could hear every tick, and I just

395
00:23:29.279 --> 00:23:32.720
sat there, a coffee cup in both hands, looking at

396
00:23:32.720 --> 00:23:35.759
the evidence of the day before, a coloring look somebody

397
00:23:35.880 --> 00:23:39.079
left open on the table, a pair of little socks

398
00:23:39.240 --> 00:23:42.519
on the chair across from me, a grocery list somebody

399
00:23:42.519 --> 00:23:46.039
had started, an abandoned halfway through. And I thought, this

400
00:23:46.160 --> 00:23:51.000
is what prayer looks like sometimes, not words, not hands folded,

401
00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:54.920
not eyes closed, just a mother at her kitchen table,

402
00:23:55.400 --> 00:23:59.480
grateful and the quiet before the house wakes up. Okay,

403
00:24:00.039 --> 00:24:03.920
speaking of mornings, I promised you a recipe, and this one,

404
00:24:04.440 --> 00:24:08.240
this one, we made about four times while everybody was here,

405
00:24:08.400 --> 00:24:12.160
four times and five days. Because every time I made it.

406
00:24:12.160 --> 00:24:14.519
It was gone before I could even put the pan down.

407
00:24:15.200 --> 00:24:19.079
It's my hands in house summerberry crumble, and I promise

408
00:24:19.119 --> 00:24:22.480
you it's as easy as it sounds. Here's what you need.

409
00:24:23.079 --> 00:24:28.960
Four cups of mixed berries, whatever you've got, strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries.

410
00:24:29.440 --> 00:24:32.000
I like to use at least three kinds because the

411
00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:35.119
colors make it look like summer in a bowl. If

412
00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:39.119
one of the kids just handed you a sad little

413
00:24:39.119 --> 00:24:42.920
handful of berries they picked in the backyard, throw those

414
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:43.720
in two.

415
00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:45.039
It all works.

416
00:24:45.759 --> 00:24:48.839
A quarter cup of sugar or a little less if

417
00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:53.599
your berries are already sweet. One tablespoon of corn starts

418
00:24:54.000 --> 00:24:57.400
to thicken up the juices so it doesn't just puddle off.

419
00:24:58.119 --> 00:25:01.359
The juice of half a lemon. This is the part

420
00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:05.319
everybody forgets. Don't forget it. The little squeeze of lemon

421
00:25:05.640 --> 00:25:09.440
is what makes the berries taste like berries. Mix all

422
00:25:09.480 --> 00:25:12.200
of that in the bottom of a baking dish, give

423
00:25:12.240 --> 00:25:16.119
it a stir, set it aside. Now for the crumble topping.

424
00:25:16.799 --> 00:25:21.000
One cup of old fashioned oats, half a cup of flour,

425
00:25:21.720 --> 00:25:24.519
half a cup of brown sugar, a pinch of salt,

426
00:25:25.119 --> 00:25:28.240
a teaspoon of cinnamon, and one stick of butter.

427
00:25:28.599 --> 00:25:29.079
Melt it.

428
00:25:29.559 --> 00:25:32.039
Stir all of that together with a fork until it

429
00:25:32.079 --> 00:25:35.119
looks like wet sand, like the kind of sand you

430
00:25:35.240 --> 00:25:37.880
used to build castles with at the beach when you

431
00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:41.640
were a kid. Sprinkle that over the berries. Don't try

432
00:25:41.640 --> 00:25:45.319
to spread it perfectly. Just let it fall where it falls.

433
00:25:45.599 --> 00:25:49.960
The uneven parts are where the magic happens. Bake it

434
00:25:50.000 --> 00:25:53.359
at three point fifty for thirty five to forty minutes

435
00:25:53.640 --> 00:25:56.319
until the top is golden brown and the berries are

436
00:25:56.440 --> 00:25:59.839
bubbling up at the edges. Pull it out, let its

437
00:26:00.119 --> 00:26:03.079
it for ten minutes. That's about the hardest ten minutes

438
00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:05.920
of your life. I'll tell you that right now, because

439
00:26:05.960 --> 00:26:07.920
the smell of that thing coming out of the oven

440
00:26:08.200 --> 00:26:10.799
is going to have every single person in your house

441
00:26:10.960 --> 00:26:14.880
wandering into the kitchen asking what is that serve? It

442
00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:17.640
worn with the scoop of vanilla ice cream on top.

443
00:26:18.119 --> 00:26:20.319
That's it. That's the whole recipe.

444
00:26:20.440 --> 00:26:25.599
And I'm telling you nothing, nothing makes a summer kitchen

445
00:26:25.680 --> 00:26:28.559
feel more like a summer kitchen then pulling that out

446
00:26:28.599 --> 00:26:31.519
of the oven with a house full of people you love.

447
00:26:32.079 --> 00:26:35.599
And then eventually comes the part I never get used to,

448
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:39.640
the goodbye, because no matter how long they stay, it's

449
00:26:39.720 --> 00:26:43.839
never long enough. The bags come back downstairs, the chargers

450
00:26:43.839 --> 00:26:46.759
get pulled out of the wall, somebody's missing a sock,

451
00:26:47.160 --> 00:26:50.720
somebody's looking for their phone, somebody's doing the last sweep

452
00:26:50.759 --> 00:26:53.000
through the guest room to make sure they didn't leave

453
00:26:53.039 --> 00:26:56.880
anything behind. And you're standing there in the entryway again,

454
00:26:57.319 --> 00:27:02.480
same spot as when they got here, except now everything's reversed.

455
00:27:03.000 --> 00:27:06.200
The hugs are longer, the drive safe gets set about

456
00:27:06.240 --> 00:27:07.160
six times.

457
00:27:07.559 --> 00:27:11.559
Somebody cries a little. Maybe it's the kids, maybe it's me,

458
00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:12.920
maybe it's both.

459
00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:15.839
And then the car door's close, and you stand in

460
00:27:15.880 --> 00:27:18.880
the driveway waving until they turn the corner. And then

461
00:27:18.920 --> 00:27:22.240
you don't move for a minute, because that moment, standing

462
00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:25.119
in the driveway after they've pulled away, that's one of

463
00:27:25.200 --> 00:27:28.799
the heaviest moments in a family's life. The quiet that

464
00:27:28.880 --> 00:27:32.440
rushes in right after the car disappears, The way the

465
00:27:32.480 --> 00:27:35.880
air feels suddenly lighter, but in a sad way. The

466
00:27:35.880 --> 00:27:39.079
way your own house looks different. When you turn around

467
00:27:39.200 --> 00:27:42.720
and walk back inside, the door clicks shut behind you,

468
00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:47.839
and the silence is woud. The hours after everybody leaves

469
00:27:47.960 --> 00:27:51.319
are strange. You walk through the house, and everywhere you

470
00:27:51.400 --> 00:27:55.000
look there are a ghost of what just happened. A

471
00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:58.680
cup of coffee somebody forgot on the table, a stuffed

472
00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:02.200
animal on the floor by the cow, a towel folded

473
00:28:02.319 --> 00:28:06.319
over the shower door that isn't yours. A cran on

474
00:28:06.319 --> 00:28:10.119
the kitchen counter, a little bowl of berry somebody started

475
00:28:10.240 --> 00:28:14.119
and didn't finish. The water glass on the night standing

476
00:28:14.200 --> 00:28:17.799
the guests still half full. A sharpie lit on the

477
00:28:17.880 --> 00:28:22.119
kitchen floor, with no sharpie anywhere in sight. A single

478
00:28:22.160 --> 00:28:23.680
hair tie on the bathroom counter.

479
00:28:25.039 --> 00:28:25.440
Socks.

480
00:28:26.480 --> 00:28:30.359
They're always socks, no matter who comes to visit, no

481
00:28:30.440 --> 00:28:34.440
matter how careful they are. When they hack up, there

482
00:28:34.519 --> 00:28:38.240
is always at least one sock left behind. I've got

483
00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:42.079
a drawer full of orphaned socks at this point, and

484
00:28:42.119 --> 00:28:45.000
I keep them because every time I go looking for

485
00:28:45.039 --> 00:28:48.559
one of my own, I see them in there, and

486
00:28:48.599 --> 00:28:52.440
I remember who was here, and I smile, and I

487
00:28:52.519 --> 00:28:54.519
close the drawer, and I move on with my day,

488
00:28:55.319 --> 00:28:57.799
a little lighter than I was a minute ago.

489
00:28:58.119 --> 00:29:00.200
And it hits you in waves.

490
00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:03.839
You'll be fine in an hour, you'll clean up, you'll

491
00:29:03.839 --> 00:29:06.839
get back into your normal rhythm, and then you'll turn

492
00:29:06.839 --> 00:29:09.680
a corner and see something that reminds you that they

493
00:29:09.680 --> 00:29:12.680
were just here, and you'll have to sit down for

494
00:29:12.720 --> 00:29:18.440
a second. But here's what I've learned. That ache, that's love.

495
00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:22.039
That's what love feels like when the thing you loved

496
00:29:22.599 --> 00:29:23.960
has just walked out the door.

497
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:27.519
That ache isn't a bad thing. That ache is proof.

498
00:29:28.119 --> 00:29:31.079
Proof that didn't take a single minute of it for granted,

499
00:29:31.880 --> 00:29:35.480
Proof that something real just happened in your house, Proof

500
00:29:35.559 --> 00:29:39.359
that you were present and they were present, and something

501
00:29:39.440 --> 00:29:42.880
passed between all of you that can't be photographed or

502
00:29:42.960 --> 00:29:47.119
posted or saved on a shelf. It can only be felt.

503
00:29:48.359 --> 00:29:51.920
And that's what stays. Long after the bags are gone,

504
00:29:52.240 --> 00:29:55.519
long after the sheets are washed, Long after the cran

505
00:29:55.599 --> 00:29:58.680
gets swept up and the coffee cup gets washed and

506
00:29:58.720 --> 00:30:03.160
the towel goes back to the closet, that feeling stays.

507
00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:05.880
I want to say one more thing before I wrap

508
00:30:05.960 --> 00:30:09.160
this up, because I know there's somebody listening who's been

509
00:30:09.160 --> 00:30:10.200
putting off a visit.

510
00:30:11.160 --> 00:30:12.039
You know who you are.

511
00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:15.440
You've been meaning to call, you've been meaning to make

512
00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:19.599
the drive, you've been meaning to invite somebody over. You've

513
00:30:19.640 --> 00:30:24.039
been waiting until the house is cleaner, until work settles down,

514
00:30:24.759 --> 00:30:28.000
until the kids are a little older, until the schedule

515
00:30:28.079 --> 00:30:32.359
loosens up, until the bathroom gets redone. And I just

516
00:30:32.440 --> 00:30:36.680
want to say, as gently as I can, don't wait.

517
00:30:37.799 --> 00:30:40.720
Not because I'm trying to guilt you, not because I'm

518
00:30:40.720 --> 00:30:44.160
trying to scare you, but because the truth is, the

519
00:30:44.200 --> 00:30:48.640
window doesn't stay open forever. People move, people get sick,

520
00:30:48.920 --> 00:30:51.880
people get busy in ways that they didn't used to be.

521
00:30:52.759 --> 00:30:55.880
Life gets thinner and ways you don't notice until it's

522
00:30:55.920 --> 00:30:59.400
already happened. And the visit you keep meaning to make

523
00:31:00.200 --> 00:31:04.039
turn into visits you never made. So make the call,

524
00:31:04.839 --> 00:31:08.440
open the door, let the house get messy, burn the

525
00:31:08.480 --> 00:31:12.680
bread if you have to buy paper plates, don't vacuum.

526
00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:15.720
It doesn't matter. The people you love aren't coming to

527
00:31:15.720 --> 00:31:19.079
see your house. They're coming to see you, and you,

528
00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:22.960
just as you are in the middle of a Tuesday,

529
00:31:23.440 --> 00:31:26.440
in a sink full of dishes and a laundry basket

530
00:31:26.519 --> 00:31:31.359
you haven't folded, are enough. You've always been enough. So

531
00:31:31.400 --> 00:31:33.839
that's where I'll leave it today. I was going to

532
00:31:33.839 --> 00:31:36.799
try to come up with some big ending, some big

533
00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:40.720
tidy takeaway, some list of things to remember, but I

534
00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:43.960
don't think family time is a list. I think family

535
00:31:44.000 --> 00:31:45.079
time is one thing.

536
00:31:45.279 --> 00:31:50.119
And it's this. It's the driveway, it's the door, it's

537
00:31:50.160 --> 00:31:52.200
the hug, it's the kitchen.

538
00:31:52.759 --> 00:31:56.480
It's the porch at dust. It's the crumble on the counter.

539
00:31:57.480 --> 00:32:01.160
It's the midnight coffee that went cold. It's the goodbye

540
00:32:01.160 --> 00:32:05.680
you weren't ready for. It's the ache that follows, and

541
00:32:05.720 --> 00:32:09.359
it's the love that was there the whole time, making

542
00:32:09.400 --> 00:32:13.559
all of it possible. That's the whole thing, that's the

543
00:32:13.599 --> 00:32:16.759
whole heart of home. Thank you for being here with

544
00:32:16.799 --> 00:32:19.759
me today. Thank you for letting me share this one.

545
00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:22.920
It's been living in my chest for weeks and it

546
00:32:23.000 --> 00:32:26.359
finally had somewhere to go. If this one found you

547
00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:30.119
at the right time, if it reminded you of somebody,

548
00:32:30.839 --> 00:32:34.079
you know what to do. Make the call, open the door,

549
00:32:34.759 --> 00:32:38.640
set the table, and until next time, from our family

550
00:32:38.680 --> 00:32:42.640
to yours, this is We are the Hansens, and you

551
00:32:42.680 --> 00:32:43.880
are always welcome here.