Dec. 16, 2024

What Daughters learn from their DAD!

What Daughters learn from their DAD!

In this heartfelt episode of We Are the Hansons, we dive deep into the profound impact fathers have on their daughters' lives. From building confidence and self-worth to modeling healthy relationships and teaching resilience, dads play a vital role in shaping the women their daughters become.

Join us as we explore the lessons daughters learn from their fathers—like navigating life’s challenges, setting boundaries, and embracing independence. We’ll discuss how dads can inspire strength, courage, and unconditional love while setting the foundation for a lifetime of healthy connections and personal growth.

Whether you're a dad, a daughter, or someone reflecting on the influence of a father figure, this episode offers valuable insights, real-life stories, and plenty of laughs. Don’t miss this inspiring discussion that celebrates the special bond between fathers and daughters.

Keywords for SEO: father-daughter relationship, parenting tips, lessons from dads, daughters' self-worth, family podcast, modern parenting, building confidence in daughters, fatherly influence, family dynamics, love and resilience, We Are the Hansons.

Tune in and share with your family and friends! This is an episode you won’t want to miss.


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Welcome to We Are the Hansens.

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Yeah, the podcast where we share real secrets behind building

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a strong, lasting marriage, parenting secrets, tips tricks.

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Yes, you get to go on our journey. That's right.

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We have thirteen kids, the good, the bad, the ugly.

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Nobody's perfect, and man have I found that out myself.

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I try to be.

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But it's all about learning. It's all about loving, it's

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about nurturing and as the dad, as a spouse, my

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learning curve has been big twenty two years.

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And you would think that you'd have everything figured out,

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but none of us do. It's all learning.

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When I became an expert in this, I truly believe

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that I thought I was the expert for twenty two years.

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That's the funny part about being an expert. Sometimes being

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the expert is knowing that you're not the expert. And

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that's that's the funny part. Am I an expert?

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Well?

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Yes, I am an expert enough to know that I

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can deal with things one hundred percent better than ninety

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nine percent of the people out there. A part of

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being an expert is saying I can always be learning,

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and man, it's been a learning curve, especially when it

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has come to my daughters and my sons. You know,

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the wife thing. A lot of people get married and

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you figure it out, but there are special things when

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it comes to your daughters. In this show today, I

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want to talk about daughters. What the value of a

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good husband to their wife, to their mother, and a

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good father is to your daughters. Now, every guy that's

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ever had a daughter knows that important relationship.

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That you have with your daughter. There's nothing like it.

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It is completely different than it is with your son.

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You love them all the same, but a boy watches

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his dad and the boy will become his dad in

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many different ways. They become themselves, but they take those

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things and they become their dad. And the thing with

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your daughters is yes, they do that too. They become

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part of you. My wife says it all the time.

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She's like, man, I just sometimes the drives are crazy.

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How much my daughters are like me. Now to me,

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I think that's awesome. But I think it's so important

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to understand the value as a husband, as a father.

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And I'm talking to you.

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Fathers and husbands out there of what you actually do

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for your daughters. And I'm not talking about picking them

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up from school. Or just helping them with homework or

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anything like that. I'm talking about the foundational presence of

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a father and what you bring to the table for

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your daughters for the rest of their life.

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Now, I took a deep, dark look at this.

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About four years ago, Maya and I we had an

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argument and it wasn't even that bad of an argument.

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It was just an argument.

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But for some reason, my daughter, which was in the

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other room, she heard this and she came up to

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me about two hours later, and she goes, Dad.

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Do you love Mom?

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And I thought to myself, this is the worst possible

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question coming from my daughter, is do you love Mom?

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Because I've always thought that my kids and my sons,

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my daughters, my wife, they should automatically know that I

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love their mother. I absolutely, I would die for take

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a bullet for I will work my fingers to the

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bone for it. Don't matter what it is when it

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comes to my wife. She is my queen and my

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daughters should know that. And I sat back and I

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thought it hit me like a ton of bricks, literally

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like walking in front of a train and getting smacked.

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My daughter saying do you love mom? Almost getting emotional

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about it. Right now, just talking about it. But I said, absolutely, I.

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Love your mother more than anything.

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And you know, we sat down and we talked, and

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she's just a little girl. But I talked about the

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importance of dads loving their moms and how sometimes moms

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and dads argue.

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But it's still, folks, it's still didn't make me feel any.

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Better about the way that she thought that I looked

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at her mother, and so I did a deep dive

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and I came up with my own philosophy on this.

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I've always tried to do a good job.

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Obviously, you're never one hundred percent of what you want

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to be, and no matter the only thing you can

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do is keep getting better, keep getting better, and keep

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getting better and owning when you're wrong.

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That's a problem I think with a lot of fathers.

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You know, we're taught to be macho and you know,

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not make mistakes and do things like that.

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I have come to.

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The understanding that sometimes our failures are just as important

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for our kids to see as when we win. And

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particularly when it comes to girls. I mean, if you

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start looking at the fatherless statistics for girls, drug and

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alcohol abuse is almost four hundred percent higher when it

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comes to girls and fatherless homes, Poverty way way way

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higher for girls that don't have a father around.

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Now.

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Life's not perfect, and I'm not saying that good kids

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can't be raised by a single father, by a single mother.

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I'm not saying that, but I'm saying it's a lot

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lot harder, and the statistics say that it's going to

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be a lot harder for the child. So I implore you,

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and I beg you parents. First of all, try to

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stay together. Do everything you can to exhaust every measure

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to stay together. And it's not easy. I'm not saying

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that at all. In this marriage twenty two years I've

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been with her. My previous marriage was eight years. But

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it's so important for little girls and little boys. But

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we're talking about girls. I think that fathers provide the

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found foundation the lessons that we can give its. Fathers,

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you know, they shape our daughter's self esteem. We are

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a huge factor when it comes to their future relationships.

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And I believe that fathers.

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More than anybody in the home, more than you know,

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any icon that your daughters have, more than any of that.

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I think that our daughters get their worldview a lot

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from their fathers. So do what can we do as fathers?

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Like if you're a good father and you try every day,

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remember I want you to remember this. Guys, just because

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you screw up, just because you fail, that doesn't mean

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you're a bad father.

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That just means that you're a father.

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Trying to get better, trying to fix those issues, constantly

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searching have I been as good as I can be?

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Have I and having an honest conversation with yourself, you know,

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judging yourself. It's okay if you're going to judge anybody.

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Judge yourself though. I know every every father, every husband,

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they're listening to this and they know exactly what I'm

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talking about. While you're at work, while you're driving home,

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when you come in and you see your kids, you

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always have that doubt in your mind, am I being

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good enough? And it makes us want to strive to

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be more, to do more as fathers. That's completely normal.

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But when it comes to our daughter specifically, I believe

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that me as a dad, if I show the people

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around me, children included, but most of all their mother love,

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If I show a respect, you know, this is teaching

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my daughter. Every single day they guess what you deserve?

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To be valued? You deserve to be respected by others.

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I always tell my daughters, you're queen's and I hope

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that they that sticks with them because I expect them

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to find somebody that treats them like a queen.

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That's my expectation in my head.

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The reality is they are going to pick somebody that

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treats them exactly the way that I.

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Treat their mother.

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They are going to treat people based off what they

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have seen me, specifically me and their mother, but specifically

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me how I treat other people.

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They're going to do that. It's how they learn to live.

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It's carnal knowledge, it's instinctual at a human level. You know,

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if I encourage my daughter, I can boost her confidence.

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And any of you that have daughters know how important

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self confiden and says to a young girl to know that, hey,

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Dad's got my back. Mom's got my back, but Dad

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has my back. He thinks that I'm valuable. He thinks

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that I can do this, and if he thinks I

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can do this, I think I can do this. You know,

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our daughters look at how we do things. They're constantly

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observing how we treat our moms. And if you know,

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if it's not the mom and the father's with the girlfriend.

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How is dad treating that girlfriend? How are they How

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is dad treating other women in his life? Because young

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girls compare themselves to other women all the time, I

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would say much more than boys, do.

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You know?

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I me as the dad, I set the example for

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them for what a healthy relationship looks like. I set

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the bar for them on how a husband should love

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his wife. I tell young kids all the time, if

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you're going to have kids and you're going to be

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a girlfriend, or you have a girlfriend and a wife,

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love them with passion. Because when you do have kids,

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if you have a daughter, how do you want your

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daughter in her life? What kind of man do you

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want her to be with. I want my daughters to

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have these husbands that go live life and they're right

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there next to them. I want them to be with

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a husband that they know will protect them, that will

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love them, that will give them the space and encouragement

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to be everything they want to be. Yeah, that's another

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thing as a father that I think is so important.

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Listening and man, is that a lesson folks. My father

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told me one time, He's like, you know what, son,

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Sometimes with your wife, you just need to listen. Now,

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we're programmed as men like we want to fix things

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and we want to talk about everything logically, emotion very

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rarely enters our mind, at least how we're going to

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unpack the emotion. We look at everything from a logical standpoint.

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But to be a good husband and to be a

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good father, sometimes you need to be a listener and.

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Not a fixer.

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And what you learn as you get older is that

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sometimes listening is part of fixing. They come up to

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you with the problem, they need to talk about it,

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Let them talk about it. If they ask you for help,

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that's different. But if they just want to talk, sometimes

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you just need to listen. And listening, especially for little girls,

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is part of communication. You know, if you listen and

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you can communicate openly, you can you know, show affection openly.

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You can be the perfect model for a positive relationships.

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You know, the dynamics of any relationship are all learned.

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If a young girl is around her mother and it's

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a boyfriend, it's a husband, whatever, and they are going

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through domestic violence constantly, the young girl, just by attrition

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of learning, is going to think, well, this is normal.

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People go through this all the time.

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It desensitizes our young girls on what they should be

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experiencing to how bad it really is. So fathers, love

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your wife passionately, publicly, privately, and try your best not

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to argue in front of your kids it's going to

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and try to limit the damage when you can, but

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absolutely love your wife with passion. I think that it's

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important for us dads to understand the value that we

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have when we encourage our daughters to do something, When

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we encourage them to actually go out and you know,

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problem solve two things. Sometimes the best thing you can

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do as a parent is give them enough confidence to fail,

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because when you fail, and I'm talking about our little girls,

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there's two ways for them. They can get all down

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about it or they can become resilient. And little girls

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they are super smart, critical thinking. Installing that idealism in

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your daughter is a life lesson that they will use forever.

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You have to give your daughter.

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A sense of independence, something that they can say, hey,

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I did this, Yeah I'm resilient. Guess what I can

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problem solve. I can critically think for myself because I

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don't need a man.

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I want a man. I want a man to want me.

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If my daughters want to go to college and they

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want to have a career, and you know, they want

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to be single. Guess what me Traditionally, as I am,

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I'm going to be like, you know what, I don't

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think you're going to be happy.

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But if that's literally what.

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They want to do, I'm behind them one hundred percent.

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You have to teach them life lessons, but you need

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to make sure that your daughter can stand on her

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own two feet, have independence, and she needs to know

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that you got her back, that you have confidence in her,

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and hopefully you've taught her enough life lessons that critical

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thinking and problem solving is just it's literally right there.

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It's not some secondary it's literally part of who they are,

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you know. With that, with all of that, with loving

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their mother with passion, even if you are not with

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their mother, teaching them that respect foreign ex is okay.

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That goes a long ways. Whoever you're with now, treating

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them well, that goes a long ways. Why well, because

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all of those things, put together empower our daughters to

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be great. It empowers our daughters to know that love

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is okay, Openly expressing love is okay, caring is okay,

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Being resilient, in relationships is okay.

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It's okay to be.

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Angry at somebody else for something and to get over

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it and fix those problems, use their critical thinking.

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To move through. Fathers play a super.

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Important role in how we, you know, teach our kids

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and our daughters how to navigate life. I think that

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it's just so important for fathers to sit down and

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do certain things like at our house, we have dinner

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at the dinner table. Now as the kids get older,

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you know, they do their teenager things, they're out working

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things like that. But every time we can, we sit

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down at the dinner table, and I love talking about them.

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What are you think of today, how'd your day go?

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What's going on? And I think when you start listening,

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I think your children, especially daughters, especially fathers, this is

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a special bond there when daughters will come to you

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when they're having problems, at any problems, because that's the goal.

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You want to know everything that's going on in their life.

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Now I take that back, you don't really want to

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know what you want to know, if you know what

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I'm saying. I've had so many conversations with my daughters

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about boyfriends, and it's very hard as a father for

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me to do the right thing, because sometimes what you

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want to do is, you know, this guy's not worth it.

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Leave And I think there's a point to that, But

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the truth is, there's never gonna be a guide that's

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good enough in my eyes for my daughter. They might

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be able to come close, but all I really need

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is to see my daughter happy from these guys. And

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sometimes life lessons need to be learned, and sometimes I

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just got to listen. You know, practical life skills for

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our daughters. It's important financial literacy for our daughters. Hey,

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you got to save, you.

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Want to be independent, you want to do something crazy.

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With your life.

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All of your dreams are at your fingertips, honey, But

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you got to do it the right way, you know,

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fixing things. My daughters are very good at fixing things.

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If my daughter had to, my oldest daughters, guess what,

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they could change tires if they really wanted to. They

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could do it. Now they don't have to because one's

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married and the other two that are older both have

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serious boyfriends. Then you know, if the boyfriends didn't change

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your tire, Like if they called him and he didn't come,

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I would have a serious, serious issue with that. But

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you know, life lessons just setting our daughters up to

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be successful. Life lessons about fairness, that life isn't fair.

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You're going to experience it. Get ready, that's just life.

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Life isn't fair. But no matter how life treats you,

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you have to have integrity as a human being. And that, honey,

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that's what makes you you perseverance. Guess what, you're probably

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not going to get this. As a matter of fact,

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if it's something you really really want, it's going to

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be very hard. Because anything that's eas he has no value.

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Teaching those examples to your daughters is just as important

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as teaching him to your sons, while adding confidence because

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you got their back by offering them the opportunity to

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be around you. Because time is everything with kids. I

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don't care if you've got a million dollars or you

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have one dollar. The biggest investment that you can have

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in your children is your time and time them being

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around you and you as a role model and understanding.

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This is how they learn to navigate life. That's that's

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where they learned that. Hey, you know what, if you

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really want something, honey, you got to have the courage

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to go do it. I heard a man one time

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on a radio show. It became a multi millionaire in

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the insurance industry, and they asked them how did you

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get rich? And he said, well, when I saw an opportunity,

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I jumped at it. And the radio host said, well,

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how did you know if it was a good opportunity?

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And I'm never going to forget this, he said, I

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never quit jumping. And to put that into terms with

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my daughter, perseverance, I never quit working towards my goal.

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I set it there. I worked really hard.

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I had the.

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Confidence enough to know that I was going to reach

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my objective.

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I was going to do that.

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And as a father, teaching your daughter's this but always

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having their back and giving them the most valuable thing

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you have, which is time is important and teaching them

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not by telling them something, but letting them live around

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you and see your actions. Let your actions be the teacher.

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Let these stories that pile up in their mind when

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you're when you're dead and gone as a father, and

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she has memories that she can build off, some that

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make her laugh, some that make her cry, and some

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that give her motivation to do better. That's what we're

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really trying here, you know, to install courage, let them

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know it's okay to be funny. Life is not always serious.

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You have to look at the brighter side of life.

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Humor is good. You got you got to teach your kids.

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Yes, you want to have these goals, but don't.

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Take life too seriously. You're we're here to enjoy it.

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We're here to have wonderful relationships. We're here to have

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everything that we can have in life. And finally, I

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think that it's very important for fathers to understand that

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we are the ones.

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We are the guardians that teach.

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Our daughters about boundaries and that teach our daughters about respect. One.

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I demand respect by anybody I'm around, and as a

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matter of fact, I won't tolerate not having respect. I

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can have differences and have respect, but I also want

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to transmit that to my daughter. Say, hey, everybody, every

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single person should give you respect. You have to have boundaries,

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because boundaries are something that are put up to protect value.

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And who sets that up? How do they understand? Either

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they don't understand because you tell them. They understand because

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they watched you operate, and they have anecdotal experiences and

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they have anecdotal memories that teach them, well, you know what,

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I should have boundaries here, and it's okay to have

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boundaries here, and it's okay to quit associating with somebody

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that continues to disrespect me because they're just getting in

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the way. If you're a good proper human being, if

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you're a good proper father, you're going to teach your

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daughters all of these things. And it's imperative that we do.

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It's imperative that we spend the time to do it.

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And I hope that this taught you guys something. I

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want to go deeper into this, but I think that

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it's so important for our daughters to see how we

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treat their mothers, fathers. For those of you that are listening,

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go give your wife a big kiss, go pint here

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in the butt, tell her thank you, edify her, and

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show your daughters how much you appreciate them, their mothers

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and the people around you that make you grow. That's

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how we'd be good fathers. Thank you very much, folks.

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We'll be putting out more with this. I appreciate your

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time and thank you for listening to We are the

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Hansens