Dec. 9, 2024

"We are the Hanson's" Tips to keep your marriage together from the start!!!

"We are the Hanson's" Tips to keep your marriage together from the start!!!
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In this episode, we're diving into the foundation of a lasting marriage. Weather you're newlyweds or seasoned partners., we'll be sharing time tested tips and tricks that have kept our love alive for over two decades. From building trust and nurturing communication to finding joy in everyday moments. we'll walk you through the essentials of creating a partnership that thrives. So grab your coffee, settle in, and join us as we explore how to not just survive,but truly thrive together one laugh, one love and one lesson at a time. Lets get started!

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Welcome to We are the Hansons, the podcast where love, laughter,

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and chaos collide. I'm Dearma Hanson, husband, father, and the

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guy still figuring it out after twenty two years of being.

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Married, and I'm Maya Hanson, the better half. Together we're

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raising thirteen incredible kids or grandkids with one more on

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the way, and navigating the wild journey of marriage and

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family life.

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It hasn't always been easy. There have been highs, there's

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been lows and everything in between.

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But through it all we found joy, stayed grounded, and

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somehow still really like each other.

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This is where we share our stories, our struggles, and

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our victories, from parenting mishaps to marriage secrets. You're going

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to hear it.

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All, so grab a cup of coffee or a really

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big glass of wine and join us as we celebrate love,

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resilience and life as the hands sense.

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Yeah yeah, now this is probably my favorite topic. How

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about you?

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I yeah, yeah?

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Marriage. I mean, anybody that says marriage is easy is

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lying to you, right, Yes, it's not easy whatsoever? No

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people say that, And you know, I really do feel

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bad because today the divorce rate is so high, you know,

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and I fit in that category. I've been divorced once.

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You haven't, but I would like to think that I've

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learned a thing or two. And I think it all

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starts with the foundation that you set up for your marriage.

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What do you think I do? I feel like if

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you don't have foundation and everything crumbles right.

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And I mean, we have been close to divorce at

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least once, and where we've not had I would say

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a shining star of marriage at another point, but we've

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always found a way to work together to get through it,

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even though it didn't feel like we were working together.

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Yes, I would have to say I agree with that.

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So you know when I was, when I was friends

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with you and I first started thinking about dating you,

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I had no intentions on dating anybody. I didn't think

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that I would marry. I kind of got the oh,

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what do you call it? The silly country boy crazy

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out of me. And you know, I had ideas for

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what I wanted out of my wife simply because of

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how many bad things happened in my last marriage. How

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about you? Did you have any you know, like idealism

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that you wanted or things like yep, this is a

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checklist I have.

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Yeah, I did. I You know, I found myself putting

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pieces together as I went along, just what I wanted

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in a husband, and what I wanted in my own life,

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and what I wanted for my children.

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So I want to hear from you how you managed

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to get a trophy husband.

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A trophy husband. That's what they all say, isn't it?

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No? Only the good ones?

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Uh huh? Okay. So, going through life I wanted I

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knew that I wanted somebody that I could go on

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adventures with, Somebody that I could go and explore with.

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Somebody that I could do just fun stuff with.

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Right, somebody spend time, companionship, actually have somebody around that

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actually wanted to go live life.

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Yes, yep. And then I knew I wanted somebody that

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could lift me up when I was down. If I

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wasn't feeling it, I wanted somebody there that could pick

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me back up. One of the other things was I

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wanted somebody that I knew was going to be a

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good dad to my children. And I could tell you

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were a good dad.

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Well, of course, that's I kind of had the same thing, folks.

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When when I started looking at my life like a

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self reflection, I knew that the one thing that I

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wanted more than anything and I had at that time,

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I felt like it had been ripped out of my hands.

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Was I wanted a wife, I wanted kids, I wanted

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I wanted the whole thing. I wanted the family life.

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That's what I wanted, because to me, there was nothing

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more important than family. Nothing. And I you know, I

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had grown up in a broken home. I had my

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dad around, I had my mom around, but it was

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still tough and there were things. You know, we'll get

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into it another show. But to this day, I can remember,

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you know, being five, six, seven years old, I can remember,

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and I really think that that concreted my idea of

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wanting to be a family man. You know, I think

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I've said this before, but in school when they said

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you know, what do you want to be when you

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grow up? I said, I wanted to be self employed.

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I wanted my own business, That's what I wanted to do.

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And I wanted a large, large family, lots of kids,

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and tada, we're here.

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Yep, we are here. Another thing that uh I wanted

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in a husband was communication and being respected.

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Hmm.

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I mean that's a that them two things are a

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big one.

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Well, I have to say, I don't know. I don't know.

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I think I try to be a good communicator, but

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I don't think that. First of all, I don't think

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that any guy is a great communicator comparatively to the

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opposite sex. I think women are better communicators in general,

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because sometimes I got to compartmentalize and then unbox things

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in my head. So I mean, so far though, you're

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you're batting perfect, so go ahead.

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And that one of the other ones was someone who

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makes me and my kids a priority, because there are

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a lot of guys out there, and I've seen it

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that get a wife and a kid and they're gone

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all the time and their wife and kids are at

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home and there's like no family.

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Yeah. Why, I think that depends on you know, as

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the guy trying to make a life, he is he

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out there working trying to do something, or is he

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out there living his life and forgetting about his family.

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I think there's two big distinctions there. But yeah, so

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was that it.

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The other one was I wanted somebody in my life

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that wanted me for who I am, not me to

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change into what they wanted.

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That's a pretty good one. I mean, I think I

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think as you grow, especially in marriage. I think that

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I wouldn't necessarily say you grow apart, but your feelings grow.

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I think that you change as a person with some things.

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There's an old saying, you know, when you're young, you

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have a heart, when you're old, you have a brain.

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And I do believe in that, and I think as

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you're going through the transition that people change. But with marriage,

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and I think if you do it properly, I think

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that you change together.

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I would agree with that. I think that that's what

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makes you guys stronger.

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Yeah, yeah, I think as a couple that definitely makes

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thing strong. You know. The big thing for her, one

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of my biggest things was when she said she wanted

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to have companionship, somebody to go do something with. And

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when me and her got together, there was a couple

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girls that were interested in me, I'll put it that way,

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but my wife maya. She she was the one like, hey,

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you want to go fishing, let's go. Hey you want

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to go to go check out your grandma to see

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what grandma's doing. She wanted to go do all that

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stuff with me, and it felt so weird after coming

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out of a eight year marriage where my ex she

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didn't want to do anything. She wanted to go to

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the bar and drink. You know, we weren't really allowed

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to go to my family's. She didn't like fishing, hunting,

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she didn't want to do anything but go to the bar.

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So for me, when you came around, I was just

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in awe because it didn't matter what I want. We

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could go watch go kart racing. We could go literally, well,

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we did play that game, that video game, the go

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kart racing game, Mario Kart, Mario Kart, and you cheated.

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Yeah, I don't know.

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You were given you to play. Oh no, no, I knew,

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I but I played. I didn't throw bananas, okay, in pineapples.

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I didn't do that because that's not part of racing. No,

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you just didn't know how No no, no no, I

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did it real.

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But and they're turtle shells, not pineapples.

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Okay, turtleshell. See that's how much I use them. But

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the point is it was wonderful being with somebody that

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wanted to go do something. Literally, we got together and

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we became best friends. You know, besides our sexual relationship

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and like actually being a couple, we became best friends

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during that time, like just going out and doing stuff.

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And it didn't matter if we had a thousand dollars

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in the bank or twenty dollars in our pockets. It

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always seemed like we ended up going doing stuff together.

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We just lived life to fullest, didn't sit stagnant.

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I mean, we have stories upon stories, you know. I know.

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I talked to the old folks and they always tell me,

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you know, you can't take money with you, you can't

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take stuff, cars, you know, stuff like that. But they said,

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you can always hang on to your memories. As long

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as you have your faculties, you can hang on to

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your memories. And man, you know, I think when we

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hit the hard times, I think the memories might be

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what pulled us through.

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Oh boy, we have some memories.

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Yeah, good, bad, indifferent, I mean, but we have some

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really fun ones. But you know, when when we got

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together and I was looking, I wanted a companion most

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of all, but I knew eventually I wanted a wife.

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I knew what I wanted. It was very simple. Number

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one for me was somebody that was going to be

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a good mother, because I already had four sons at

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that point, and you were really good with kids. I

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remember watching you and thinking about that and then knowing

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that you were going to be a mother. I really

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didn't even know if I wanted to date anybody that

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was single that didn't have kids, because that's a big adjustment.

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It is hard for somebody to get used to your kids.

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And when it's a fight, it's your kids, and when

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it's you know, normal, it's our kids. That's that's the

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way that it always works. And I didn't really want

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to have that fight. So my number one thing was

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I wanted a wife that would be not just a mother.

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I wanted a wife that was a great mother, a

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warrior mom. You know. I wanted somebody that always had

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my back because I'd never had that feeling, and that

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was that was something to me that was very very important.

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And that's something that I think a lot of guys,

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you know, they don't think about when you go into

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a marriage. You know, because you're supposed to be the

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tough guy. You're supposed to handle everything, and you know,

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they don't give you a book, so you don't know

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some things that you know, and some things suck. Like

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I give you an example, when you were a good husband.

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Sometimes your job is to be the bad guy. It's

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sometimes whether it's with the kids, excuse me, whether it's

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you know, somebody coming to the door. I got a story.

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My wife was in charge of all the pay for everybody.

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And you know she can, she can handle herself. She can.

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You know, she's a tough gal. But it was instinct.

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There was a day that I had to be the

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bad guy. And I was sitting down in my kitchen

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and I was eating it. One of our workers showed

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up drunk as a skunk. Do you remember this?

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I do remember this.

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And they came in drunk. They wanted to go out

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partying more, and they had went through all their money,

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and they wanted you to like prepay them for the

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next paycheck.

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Yep.

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And you're like, no, no. And I don't even remember

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if he did touch you or got closes to you.

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I don't remember what happened exactly, except for it wasn't

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even a thought of mine. It wasn't like I was

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sitting there thinking I'm going to drag this guy to

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my house. It wasn't that. It was instinct, like he

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just he crossed a line with you somewhere, and I

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turned around and I knocked him in the teeth and

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he flew about what twenty.

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Feet yeah, I would say, through two.

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Doors and then landed on the deck on the outside.

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I was pregnant, and he poked me in the chest.

236
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Okay, yeah, that's what it was. That's part of being

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the bad guy. That's part of being a man. And

238
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some people say, oh, that's toxic masculinity. No, no, no, no,

239
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that's just being a good husband. So there's all sorts

240
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of weird stories like that. But you know, I wanted

241
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somebody that had my back kind of like that, you know,

242
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a wife that was like that. You know, I wanted

243
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a woman obviously that I thought was hot. She had

244
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to be extremely attractive to me to go through that

245
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many years. It just you know, it is what it is,

246
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and I'm I'm trying not to lie, but you know,

247
00:14:02.919 --> 00:14:07.840
our our beauty fades over time. And the funny part

248
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is when you have a wife like I got, I

249
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still think that she's as good looking today as she

250
00:14:14.120 --> 00:14:16.360
was you know when I got with her and I

251
00:14:16.799 --> 00:14:18.879
thought she was smoking back then, if you know what

252
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I mean. And I think that's you know, pulled me

253
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through some times. You know, there's some guys that have

254
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problems with pornography. There's guys that have problems with cheating,

255
00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:31.080
there's you know, and I think that all comes back

256
00:14:31.120 --> 00:14:34.639
from a bad marriage. And I haven't had that problem

257
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in this relationship at all, you know. To me, the

258
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thing besides the mother that was probably the most important

259
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to me was to be with a woman that was

260
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honest and loyal and not just somebody that said something

261
00:14:51.720 --> 00:14:55.279
that I kind of felt was honest. I'm talking about

262
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a woman that I knew in my soul that I

263
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didn't have that gut feeling. And ever single guy out

264
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there that's listening to this right note knows exactly what

265
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I'm talking about. You don't really trust your girlfriend, you don't.

266
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You tell her you do, and you try to convince

267
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yourself you do, but then when she goes out and

268
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she's going to go out and hang out with her friends,

269
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you got that gut feeling. It just kind of sinks

270
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in your stomach, and you're trying not to be that guy.

271
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You know. You're trying not to call, you're trying not

272
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to ask too many questions, you're trying not to be jealous,

273
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You're trying you know. The thing was, I didn't think

274
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that a relationship was worth having that feeling. After being

275
00:15:30.399 --> 00:15:33.399
cheated on so many times in my first marriage, I

276
00:15:33.480 --> 00:15:36.039
just didn't want to deal with that again. I didn't

277
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want to have that problem. And you know, praise God,

278
00:15:39.399 --> 00:15:42.559
I found a loyal and honest woman. And I know

279
00:15:42.639 --> 00:15:46.759
that's something very big for you, simply because of how

280
00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:51.720
you grow up with your family. But loyalty and honesty

281
00:15:52.000 --> 00:15:57.039
from the very beginning, that sense sets the game up

282
00:15:57.320 --> 00:15:59.399
for the rest of your marriage. That is a barrier

283
00:15:59.519 --> 00:16:02.240
that you don't cross. It's something that you know what,

284
00:16:02.279 --> 00:16:04.440
you can do a lot of things in marriage, but

285
00:16:04.519 --> 00:16:06.639
if you decide that you're going to cheat, it's pretty

286
00:16:06.720 --> 00:16:07.840
much over. Wouldn't you agree?

287
00:16:08.200 --> 00:16:12.039
I would have to agree. It's you know, if you

288
00:16:12.080 --> 00:16:15.200
can't trust somebody, you shouldn't be together, right.

289
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Because those feelings suck, don't they?

290
00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:18.039
They do.

291
00:16:19.960 --> 00:16:23.240
So that's something that I wanted, you know, I wanted

292
00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:25.799
not just loyalty and honesty. My list is a little

293
00:16:25.799 --> 00:16:29.159
longer than hers. I wanted a woman that was as

294
00:16:29.279 --> 00:16:33.759
into me as I was into her, and I think

295
00:16:33.799 --> 00:16:37.399
it helped us being friends first, but when we started dating,

296
00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:41.200
I fell pretty fast. But I kind of put a

297
00:16:41.240 --> 00:16:43.559
wall up, wouldn't you say?

298
00:16:44.080 --> 00:16:48.159
I would definitely say everything he was very.

299
00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:53.320
What's the word stunning?

300
00:16:55.159 --> 00:17:00.200
I mean he was very cautious. Everything we did, everything

301
00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:01.639
that we talked about, he was.

302
00:17:02.279 --> 00:17:04.640
It was a guard I was gonna say guarded might

303
00:17:04.680 --> 00:17:06.759
be a better word. I don't know if it's cautious.

304
00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:09.359
But you know, you don't want to end up in

305
00:17:09.480 --> 00:17:13.400
something either that you fear. You know, that's kind of

306
00:17:13.400 --> 00:17:15.839
what this podcast today is for. You know, how do

307
00:17:15.880 --> 00:17:17.759
you set up a marriage or how do you work

308
00:17:17.799 --> 00:17:19.559
through the hard times? And that's you know, that's what

309
00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:23.160
we're kind of talking about here. So the foundation has

310
00:17:23.200 --> 00:17:26.279
to be set before you start. Just because some chicks

311
00:17:26.319 --> 00:17:28.599
hot doesn't mean that you want to marry her.

312
00:17:29.119 --> 00:17:30.960
I honestly thought you were a woman.

313
00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:33.880
Hater, a woman hater, or a player.

314
00:17:34.119 --> 00:17:37.599
No you I thought you hated women after your first wife.

315
00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:41.119
Oh No, I wouldn't say I hated him. I had

316
00:17:41.160 --> 00:17:43.759
definite pause. I mean I went through the ringer. I

317
00:17:43.799 --> 00:17:44.400
mean you know that.

318
00:17:46.440 --> 00:17:46.680
Hell.

319
00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:49.039
Yeah, it was hell. It was literally hell, and I

320
00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:54.200
came out of it and it seemed great for a while,

321
00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:58.920
and then hell caught back up with me. But I

322
00:17:58.960 --> 00:18:04.079
had I had some very very definitive reasons for picking

323
00:18:04.440 --> 00:18:08.440
my next person like this. You know, I have the

324
00:18:08.480 --> 00:18:12.000
same thing. I wrote the things down today. And when

325
00:18:12.039 --> 00:18:14.519
she said she wanted somebody to go do something with together,

326
00:18:14.640 --> 00:18:17.839
I did as well. I wanted the teammate and you know,

327
00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:20.759
a companion, somebody to actually go do things with. Not

328
00:18:21.000 --> 00:18:24.680
you know, I really wasn't into drinking that much, not

329
00:18:24.839 --> 00:18:26.839
like my ex wife. I mean we didn't do a

330
00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:28.559
lot of drinking. We did a lot of stuff. I

331
00:18:28.599 --> 00:18:31.039
mean we went and did a lot of fishing and

332
00:18:31.039 --> 00:18:36.559
a lot of fun stuff, hunting, mushrooms, camping, we did

333
00:18:36.599 --> 00:18:39.359
a lot of that kind of stuff. But we really

334
00:18:39.400 --> 00:18:46.279
weren't drinkers. So I had my needs just like she did.

335
00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:50.599
And I think that she fit everything that I wanted

336
00:18:50.640 --> 00:18:54.559
to do she wanted to do, and we kind of

337
00:18:54.599 --> 00:18:59.160
set up our whole foundation with with that. You know,

338
00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:03.200
we're gonna be honest with each other, even if it

339
00:19:03.319 --> 00:19:06.240
pisss each other off. Now, how many times did you

340
00:19:06.279 --> 00:19:08.279
get mad at me even though I told you the truth?

341
00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:13.440
There was quite a few times. I mean, even though

342
00:19:13.480 --> 00:19:16.559
it sucked to hear it. I mean, you just gotta

343
00:19:16.640 --> 00:19:17.279
work through it.

344
00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:20.400
I mean, sometimes I'll give you an example. If we're

345
00:19:20.480 --> 00:19:22.400
running law on money and I stop and I buy

346
00:19:22.440 --> 00:19:26.119
something for fifty bucks. Okay, I'm driving, so it's not

347
00:19:26.200 --> 00:19:28.880
like I. You know, when we first started dating, we

348
00:19:28.920 --> 00:19:31.119
had old cell phones, but you didn't really use them

349
00:19:31.160 --> 00:19:33.559
like you did today. So you know, if I came

350
00:19:33.599 --> 00:19:35.680
home I knew it upsetter, I would still say I

351
00:19:35.680 --> 00:19:38.440
spend fifty bucks and you'd be mad, right.

352
00:19:39.519 --> 00:19:41.920
I wouldn't say mad, I'd just be.

353
00:19:43.279 --> 00:19:45.440
You were mad, come on, come on, get mad it

354
00:19:45.480 --> 00:19:45.920
you were mad.

355
00:19:46.079 --> 00:19:48.960
I would not say mad. I'd be like, what in

356
00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:50.079
the world are you doing?

357
00:19:52.000 --> 00:19:56.440
So give give the audience an example of something where

358
00:19:56.480 --> 00:19:58.319
I would just tell you the truth and it would

359
00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:59.799
make you angry.

360
00:20:01.519 --> 00:20:06.359
Um, I would have to say, a package shows up

361
00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:07.079
at the door.

362
00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:11.319
Okay, yeah that was that was doing this podcasting and any.

363
00:20:11.119 --> 00:20:13.680
Goodness package just shows up at the door.

364
00:20:14.319 --> 00:20:15.839
Well, if you're going to be a professional and you

365
00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.359
need the tools to do it properly, right, I was.

366
00:20:19.359 --> 00:20:23.640
Like, where is all this stuff coming from? Oh, He's like,

367
00:20:23.720 --> 00:20:25.640
I don't know, Yes, you do.

368
00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:31.240
See. Maya and I have a very different way of

369
00:20:31.319 --> 00:20:36.359
conflict resolution. Maya doesn't want to be left alone. She

370
00:20:36.400 --> 00:20:39.400
doesn't want to think things through. She wants to deal

371
00:20:39.440 --> 00:20:41.200
with it, and she wants to deal with her head

372
00:20:41.240 --> 00:20:43.599
on fire, and she wants to deal with it right now.

373
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:44.599
Absolutely.

374
00:20:45.000 --> 00:20:48.400
Where me, on the other hand, just let me cool down,

375
00:20:48.680 --> 00:20:52.480
let me go for a walk, let me grab my thoughts,

376
00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:55.200
let me put them together, and then let me come

377
00:20:55.240 --> 00:20:59.319
back and talk about them. And we went through our

378
00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:05.000
young faith, you know, our younger years of screaming and fighting.

379
00:21:05.079 --> 00:21:08.279
And you know, just like everybody else, and anybody says

380
00:21:08.279 --> 00:21:10.079
that they don't do that. I mean, you either have

381
00:21:10.200 --> 00:21:11.880
a perfect marriage or they're lying.

382
00:21:12.240 --> 00:21:14.480
There's no such thing as a perfect marriage.

383
00:21:14.720 --> 00:21:16.839
I don't think there can be. I mean, you take

384
00:21:16.880 --> 00:21:19.799
two imperfect people and you put them together together to

385
00:21:19.799 --> 00:21:24.240
make a better union, to build a bigger, better, happier life,

386
00:21:25.119 --> 00:21:28.240
and you still started with two imperfect people. And you know,

387
00:21:28.319 --> 00:21:32.160
I feel like I was very imperfect. Not only did

388
00:21:32.200 --> 00:21:37.480
I have issues with trust, I had issues with everything,

389
00:21:37.599 --> 00:21:41.920
like literally depression, things like that. And back then, you

390
00:21:41.960 --> 00:21:45.160
didn't get on medication. You just went to work. And

391
00:21:45.240 --> 00:21:47.839
I would say that this was a good thing and

392
00:21:47.880 --> 00:21:50.680
a bad thing in our marriage. When I would get

393
00:21:50.720 --> 00:21:55.559
stressed out or very angry, I would go dip my

394
00:21:55.599 --> 00:21:59.000
head into work, like I'd just work work, work, and

395
00:21:59.039 --> 00:22:00.880
then you'd get mad at me for not answering the

396
00:22:00.920 --> 00:22:03.200
phone or not coming home until late or so. You

397
00:22:03.240 --> 00:22:04.680
remember those days, yep.

398
00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:09.519
I do. It was like, you know, you gotta pull

399
00:22:09.559 --> 00:22:12.920
your head out and go spend some time with your family.

400
00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:16.319
But that that's how I dealt with it. And you

401
00:22:16.359 --> 00:22:18.440
know she didn't really like that, but I think at

402
00:22:18.480 --> 00:22:21.680
some level you knew that I was just sorting through things. Yeah,

403
00:22:22.720 --> 00:22:25.519
so tell the folks how you would deal with it.

404
00:22:27.640 --> 00:22:32.160
I've always been the person that would just go right

405
00:22:32.200 --> 00:22:33.279
to the person or.

406
00:22:33.319 --> 00:22:34.240
Yeah, I'm talking about me.

407
00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:38.279
I didn't scream, scream yea yeah.

408
00:22:38.000 --> 00:22:41.400
Uh. We we had subtleties in our marriage, like if

409
00:22:41.440 --> 00:22:44.559
I did something wrong, and you always know it as

410
00:22:44.680 --> 00:22:49.240
a husband, you always know if you've made your wife mad, uh,

411
00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:51.720
it just by the things she says. Says like if

412
00:22:51.720 --> 00:22:55.039
you say, well, like literally, a guy can come into

413
00:22:55.119 --> 00:22:57.440
a room and look at his wife and she gives

414
00:22:57.480 --> 00:23:00.799
him the look. And every married man, every every man

415
00:23:00.880 --> 00:23:02.640
that has a girlfriend, he knows what I'm talking about.

416
00:23:02.640 --> 00:23:05.319
They give you the look and then you go, what's wrong?

417
00:23:05.960 --> 00:23:09.000
And if your a woman says nothing, run out of

418
00:23:09.000 --> 00:23:12.359
the house, jump in your truck. Take a motorcycle ride,

419
00:23:12.440 --> 00:23:14.599
do something because it's going to be easier to deal with.

420
00:23:15.799 --> 00:23:18.000
Give it a few minutes, and every guy in here

421
00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:20.640
shaking his head right now because he knows that I'm right.

422
00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:24.279
Or just man up and hang on take the heat.

423
00:23:24.839 --> 00:23:26.640
Well, that's all part of marriage. I mean, you just

424
00:23:26.640 --> 00:23:29.960
said nothing was wrong with you. And my biggest concern

425
00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:31.759
in our marriage, and I think a lot of other

426
00:23:31.799 --> 00:23:36.640
marriages is in it. I'll phrase this in a question

427
00:23:36.759 --> 00:23:44.759
to you. Why do women think that men are mind readers.

428
00:23:44.759 --> 00:23:48.319
Because they act like it. They think they know everything

429
00:23:48.400 --> 00:23:49.200
about a woman.

430
00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:53.279
Yeah, but when we ask you what's wrong, most of

431
00:23:53.279 --> 00:23:57.720
the time, we're not being facetious or pretentious or anything else.

432
00:23:57.759 --> 00:24:00.440
We're just like, literally like, what's wrong? No?

433
00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:01.200
You know.

434
00:24:02.240 --> 00:24:04.759
See that's the problem. That's the breakdown right there, folks.

435
00:24:05.359 --> 00:24:07.960
We really don't know. So then we walk around and

436
00:24:07.960 --> 00:24:12.279
we're like, what the hell did I do wrong? You

437
00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:14.640
literally think that as a guy you don't know.

438
00:24:15.759 --> 00:24:18.200
I don't know about that. I think you do know.

439
00:24:18.640 --> 00:24:20.079
You're just putting on an act.

440
00:24:20.680 --> 00:24:23.480
Well, and it goes the other way too, it does, like,

441
00:24:24.359 --> 00:24:27.160
and she's smiling right now in the studio, folks, But

442
00:24:28.319 --> 00:24:32.359
if we get really angry about something and you know

443
00:24:32.440 --> 00:24:36.200
that you've done something wrong. You guys have a nice switch,

444
00:24:37.119 --> 00:24:40.400
and you will automatically just start being nice for no

445
00:24:40.440 --> 00:24:42.440
reason about things that you have no reason to be

446
00:24:42.519 --> 00:24:46.680
nice about. Is that not true, that's not true. If

447
00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:49.359
they're laughing, they're lying. That's just the way that it is.

448
00:24:50.039 --> 00:24:55.519
If I'm very angry, Okay, I internalize a lot of stuff.

449
00:24:55.519 --> 00:24:59.279
You don't hear me yell very often, just because that's

450
00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:01.559
just not me. I don't think that it solves anything,

451
00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:06.000
you know, and I'm a guy. I'm about logic. I'm

452
00:25:06.039 --> 00:25:09.759
about solving things. I'm not about battling it out, because

453
00:25:09.880 --> 00:25:12.799
I don't think that, you know, throwing insults or you know,

454
00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:17.519
hurling hurt actually helps everything. Don't get me wrong. I've

455
00:25:17.599 --> 00:25:19.920
called names and stuff before when I'm really really angry.

456
00:25:19.960 --> 00:25:23.319
I'm not saying that, but I am saying for the

457
00:25:23.359 --> 00:25:29.720
most part, most guys only call names if they've been hurt.

458
00:25:29.839 --> 00:25:31.759
And I'm not talking about physically hurt. They don't really

459
00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:34.880
care about being physically hurt. Most guys, they care about

460
00:25:34.920 --> 00:25:39.000
being emotionally scarred, emotionally hurt. So if you hurt a

461
00:25:39.039 --> 00:25:42.599
man emotionally, which there's no man in the world that

462
00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:45.480
can make you as mad as your wife. There's no

463
00:25:45.559 --> 00:25:47.839
man out there because you don't care what the guys

464
00:25:47.880 --> 00:25:51.480
have to say. Now, your wife, when you love your

465
00:25:51.559 --> 00:25:54.240
wife and you're an actual husband, you do care what

466
00:25:54.279 --> 00:25:57.599
she says. So when she says something like that Bible

467
00:25:57.680 --> 00:26:00.160
verse that says that your tongue is sharper than ao

468
00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:04.319
edged sword, there's truth to that. Would you say, would

469
00:26:04.359 --> 00:26:04.799
you say so?

470
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:08.599
Yeah?

471
00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:14.599
You know so, guys when it comes to fighting with

472
00:26:14.640 --> 00:26:20.920
your wife, which is inevitable, my you know, my words

473
00:26:20.920 --> 00:26:24.559
of wisdom to you are, first of all, before you

474
00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:29.240
engage in this warfare, Okay, you got to decide is

475
00:26:29.279 --> 00:26:32.079
it worth it? Okay, and I've done this from the

476
00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:37.640
very beginning. There's a couple of things that you can

477
00:26:37.680 --> 00:26:41.440
fight with that are worth it. Now, if you and

478
00:26:41.480 --> 00:26:43.519
your wife have an understanding about how you're going to

479
00:26:43.599 --> 00:26:45.440
raise your kids and how you're going to do your things,

480
00:26:45.640 --> 00:26:48.240
you shouldn't even have to worry about this. But I

481
00:26:48.319 --> 00:26:52.000
don't think anybody at a young age thinks about that stuff.

482
00:26:52.079 --> 00:26:54.079
So you go through your battles. You know what I'm saying,

483
00:26:55.200 --> 00:26:58.920
and you just need to ask yourself before entering the

484
00:26:58.960 --> 00:27:02.079
war zone. Is this battle worth winning?

485
00:27:04.039 --> 00:27:04.160
Now?

486
00:27:04.160 --> 00:27:06.279
I'm promising you your wife's not going to think about that.

487
00:27:07.000 --> 00:27:09.839
She's in it to win it. She will start a

488
00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:12.720
war over a pair of underwear laying at the end

489
00:27:12.759 --> 00:27:14.359
of the bed if she's in a bad mood, because

490
00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:17.400
she's done it four hundred other times before that. And

491
00:27:17.559 --> 00:27:21.240
you the guys like, honey, what's wrong? Why are you

492
00:27:21.279 --> 00:27:23.799
screaming at me? Why are you committing World War three

493
00:27:23.839 --> 00:27:26.279
against me? Because you picked up a pair of underwear?

494
00:27:26.799 --> 00:27:29.720
And what guys don't understand at the moment, in the moment,

495
00:27:30.359 --> 00:27:33.960
is that it's not just that pair of underwear. It's

496
00:27:34.000 --> 00:27:36.400
the four hundred before. It's the leaving the towels on

497
00:27:36.440 --> 00:27:39.759
the bathroom floor. It's the you know, trimming your beard

498
00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:42.880
in the bathroom and the you know, the hairs being

499
00:27:42.920 --> 00:27:46.680
all over. It's those sort of things. Am I right?

500
00:27:47.680 --> 00:27:51.200
I wouldn't say necessarily the leaving your hair on the

501
00:27:51.240 --> 00:27:54.599
bathroom synk, that's not worth fighting over.

502
00:27:55.119 --> 00:27:57.079
No, no, no, that's what I'm saying. But that's it's

503
00:27:57.119 --> 00:28:00.559
the accumulation of all that type of stuff that at

504
00:28:00.559 --> 00:28:02.079
some point you just blow your cork.

505
00:28:03.839 --> 00:28:05.000
Yeah, I guess.

506
00:28:05.079 --> 00:28:07.079
Yeah, it's an accumulation effect.

507
00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:12.799
I think fighting is more than just that. That stuff

508
00:28:12.839 --> 00:28:16.319
is like pitoy stuff. That's just like a argument, like

509
00:28:16.400 --> 00:28:17.400
clean up your mass.

510
00:28:17.519 --> 00:28:19.799
So that's the way for you to open the gateway

511
00:28:19.839 --> 00:28:22.960
to start civil war, to escalate to World War three,

512
00:28:23.079 --> 00:28:26.759
is what you're saying. Sure, okay, So tell all the

513
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:29.799
listeners out there things that you think are worth having

514
00:28:29.839 --> 00:28:33.640
a war over, because trust me, the temperature in the

515
00:28:33.680 --> 00:28:37.440
house goes down when the wife is ready to fight.

516
00:28:37.839 --> 00:28:40.880
The kids can feel it, the dogs can feel it,

517
00:28:41.680 --> 00:28:44.079
the husband can feel it. Even the paint on the

518
00:28:44.079 --> 00:28:47.240
walls knows that there's a war coming when mama's not happy.

519
00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:53.920
I'd say cheating is a big thing. Cheating communication, those are.

520
00:28:54.200 --> 00:28:57.359
Cheating cheating, Yeah, I mean, cheating is just everybody knows.

521
00:28:57.480 --> 00:29:00.839
You can't cheat on your spouse. You can't do it. Communication,

522
00:29:02.119 --> 00:29:03.319
that's kind of a tricky one.

523
00:29:03.559 --> 00:29:06.160
No, you have to have communication.

524
00:29:06.480 --> 00:29:10.039
Oh, absolutely, you have to have communication. But there are

525
00:29:10.119 --> 00:29:14.039
guys out there, they get in trouble, and I'm sure

526
00:29:14.119 --> 00:29:19.359
at some point some gals too, Like how do I

527
00:29:19.440 --> 00:29:24.839
say this? What if you forget to leave something out? Okay,

528
00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:28.279
I'll give you a good example some family members of mine,

529
00:29:28.279 --> 00:29:30.920
and I'm not going to say who they were. They

530
00:29:30.920 --> 00:29:33.440
had a great, big, huge fight here a couple of

531
00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:37.480
weeks ago because he told his wife, Hey, I've got

532
00:29:37.480 --> 00:29:39.640
to run down here and pay the Amish that are

533
00:29:39.640 --> 00:29:42.920
doing this concrete job. Okay, So he goes and does that.

534
00:29:43.440 --> 00:29:47.079
She finds out that he wasn't paying the Homish concrete workers.

535
00:29:47.079 --> 00:29:50.079
He was actually paying a different crew of concrete workers,

536
00:29:50.640 --> 00:29:54.000
and they got into it. Sort she had a verbal

537
00:29:54.039 --> 00:29:57.559
onslaught that was like World War two against him because

538
00:29:57.559 --> 00:30:01.000
of that. Now, is that what you're talking about communication?

539
00:30:02.319 --> 00:30:04.680
Well, that that's kind of like a lie.

540
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:08.920
Well no, really, I mean yeah.

541
00:30:08.400 --> 00:30:11.240
Yeah, because why wouldn't you just tell them, yeah, I'm

542
00:30:11.240 --> 00:30:12.920
paying some other guys to do the work.

543
00:30:13.640 --> 00:30:17.119
Well, my thing is is my just personally, my thing

544
00:30:17.119 --> 00:30:19.240
would be, I don't think it's a big deal. I'm

545
00:30:19.279 --> 00:30:21.200
going to pay the people that did the concrete. I've

546
00:30:21.200 --> 00:30:23.119
got other things on my mind, so I don't need

547
00:30:23.160 --> 00:30:26.480
to go back through and you know, set up this perfect,

548
00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:29.200
perfect pathway for you to understand my day because I'm

549
00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:33.079
out working, so you have to get around sometimes, you know,

550
00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:35.559
if I say something and I was wrong about it,

551
00:30:35.640 --> 00:30:38.559
like Hey, I'm going to Rusk Street and oh man,

552
00:30:38.599 --> 00:30:40.720
I got to stop here first. And then you get

553
00:30:40.759 --> 00:30:43.119
home and if the woman thinks that you're cheating, what

554
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:45.400
do they say? Why did you tell me you were

555
00:30:45.440 --> 00:30:47.920
stopping tod A's hardware? Right? Am I wrong?

556
00:30:48.359 --> 00:30:49.480
That's a little different.

557
00:30:49.720 --> 00:30:54.119
Well, it's the same thing. No, I mean, but that's

558
00:30:54.119 --> 00:30:56.759
what I'm talking about. When it is, there's a lot

559
00:30:56.759 --> 00:30:59.079
of guys in here that are laughing right now because

560
00:30:59.079 --> 00:31:01.920
they know exactly what what I'm talking about. You know,

561
00:31:02.000 --> 00:31:07.559
like did you see anybody at the local Quick Trip? Nope,

562
00:31:07.640 --> 00:31:10.119
didn't see anybody, And well why did you wave to

563
00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:13.519
the cashier because I get coffee from her every morning

564
00:31:13.559 --> 00:31:16.480
before my way my way to work. Now, some people,

565
00:31:16.599 --> 00:31:20.720
some some girls, especially the ones that aren't secure in

566
00:31:20.759 --> 00:31:24.039
their relationship, will be like, you got something going on

567
00:31:24.079 --> 00:31:26.440
with that lady at the Quick Trip desk? Huh do you?

568
00:31:26.599 --> 00:31:27.640
Is that? Why you didn't tell me that?

569
00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:27.799
You?

570
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:31.119
Way? By said said by? What is that? What it is? Right?

571
00:31:32.200 --> 00:31:33.759
Some people are like that.

572
00:31:34.119 --> 00:31:36.440
Well, I mean, I'm just saying for the young people

573
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:41.480
in there, get ready for that. And then sometimes they

574
00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:43.640
play games like that, like you get played with like

575
00:31:43.720 --> 00:31:47.599
you did that sometimes with me. Yeah, I mean it

576
00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:51.079
was I don't know why you were insecure, but you did.

577
00:31:51.200 --> 00:31:53.000
You were insecure with me. Maybe, you know, maybe it

578
00:31:53.079 --> 00:31:56.240
was before we met type thing, because I had baggage

579
00:31:56.279 --> 00:32:00.640
that I brought with. But you know, I had some

580
00:32:00.680 --> 00:32:04.599
people tell me some things. My great grandfather always told me, Sean,

581
00:32:05.319 --> 00:32:08.400
when you go to find a wife, you find a

582
00:32:08.440 --> 00:32:12.640
girl that knows her way around the Bible, that knows

583
00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:17.920
her way around the checkbook, and that's good in the kitchen. Okay,

584
00:32:18.000 --> 00:32:19.680
So what does that mean? You got your a wife

585
00:32:19.720 --> 00:32:23.880
that's a good cook, that can handle money, and that

586
00:32:23.960 --> 00:32:27.839
has Christian values. Yeah. Yeah, those are nuggets of wisdom

587
00:32:29.599 --> 00:32:31.440
when it came to me and you. When when it

588
00:32:31.640 --> 00:32:36.079
really hit me how good I had it, my mom

589
00:32:36.119 --> 00:32:40.400
and I were having a conversation about you, and we

590
00:32:40.400 --> 00:32:45.119
were talking we had Tristan and we're just talking about

591
00:32:45.279 --> 00:32:47.359
you know, having kids and whatnot. And my mom just

592
00:32:47.400 --> 00:32:50.319
nonchalantly's like, well, you know, she had them for you.

593
00:32:51.279 --> 00:32:55.440
And that actually made me feel really really good that.

594
00:32:56.319 --> 00:32:58.480
You know, I'd never thought about it that way before.

595
00:32:58.519 --> 00:33:00.400
I always thought, well, you know, they want kids and

596
00:33:00.440 --> 00:33:03.440
I'm helping them, and you know, and that that made

597
00:33:03.480 --> 00:33:07.960
me feel really good. And my father, which you get

598
00:33:08.000 --> 00:33:10.480
along with my dad and my mom both really good.

599
00:33:11.480 --> 00:33:13.039
But you like a lot of the things that my

600
00:33:13.119 --> 00:33:15.279
dad has to say I do.

601
00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:17.400
He's very very intelligent.

602
00:33:17.720 --> 00:33:20.279
Yeah. My mother's really really intelligent. Also.

603
00:33:20.640 --> 00:33:22.759
I call her for advice too.

604
00:33:23.119 --> 00:33:28.400
But my father, he's been, you know, been through a

605
00:33:28.400 --> 00:33:31.599
couple of divorces. You know, he married a wonderful lady now,

606
00:33:33.400 --> 00:33:35.640
but he's got these words of wisdom that you can

607
00:33:35.680 --> 00:33:38.839
almost live by. And he always told me he's like, son,

608
00:33:39.480 --> 00:33:42.119
you know, the hardest thing to do as a husband,

609
00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:46.400
as a good husband, is listen. And I told him, Dad,

610
00:33:46.160 --> 00:33:48.240
I listen all the time. What are you talking about?

611
00:33:48.279 --> 00:33:51.200
He's like, no, no, no, listen without trying to fix something.

612
00:33:51.880 --> 00:33:53.279
And I was like, what are you talking about? He's like,

613
00:33:53.720 --> 00:33:57.119
sometimes your wife just needs somebody to talk to. She

614
00:33:57.119 --> 00:33:59.680
don't want you to fix her problems. She don't want

615
00:33:59.720 --> 00:34:03.359
you to calculate any mishappenings that she has. Sometimes you

616
00:34:03.440 --> 00:34:06.920
just have to sit there and be quiet and listen

617
00:34:06.960 --> 00:34:09.800
to her and not Now have you ever noticed, I mean,

618
00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:11.760
do you remember before I talked to him about that

619
00:34:11.800 --> 00:34:12.559
and then after that?

620
00:34:14.320 --> 00:34:20.119
Yeah? I think so, But you tend to nod at

621
00:34:20.159 --> 00:34:22.440
everything I say, and then I'll say, well, what did

622
00:34:22.480 --> 00:34:26.039
I just say? And you try and guess.

623
00:34:26.039 --> 00:34:30.079
Well, sometimes that's just because I'm preoccupied at the moment. No,

624
00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:35.039
but no, that's important. You need to learn how to

625
00:34:35.079 --> 00:34:38.199
do that. You know, we're not all perfect, and you

626
00:34:38.199 --> 00:34:41.599
know the skies we get preoccupied. I've tried to tell

627
00:34:42.159 --> 00:34:46.119
my wife, especially when it's something that's super important to her,

628
00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:50.760
let me unpack some boxes from my head. I've got

629
00:34:50.760 --> 00:34:54.559
to decompartmentalize to find the issue that you're talking about

630
00:34:54.639 --> 00:34:58.840
and then remember it again and then attack the issue. Now.

631
00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:01.079
She looks at me like, what are you talking about?

632
00:35:01.119 --> 00:35:04.440
But every guy in here knows exactly what I'm talking about.

633
00:35:04.880 --> 00:35:07.000
We put stuff in boxes in our head. We don't

634
00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:11.039
let stuff hang on our shoulders very often, where we

635
00:35:11.199 --> 00:35:14.960
just go attack things. But I think that most women,

636
00:35:16.360 --> 00:35:19.800
they most and I'm not saying all, but most, they

637
00:35:20.280 --> 00:35:23.360
like to deal with things right now, no matter what it.

638
00:35:23.280 --> 00:35:28.400
Is, get it done and over with. It's I mean,

639
00:35:28.719 --> 00:35:32.239
what better time to do it than right now?

640
00:35:33.519 --> 00:35:37.599
So I think the main thing that I can say

641
00:35:37.960 --> 00:35:40.679
in this short you know, we could we could break

642
00:35:40.760 --> 00:35:43.639
each of these issues down and have an hour long

643
00:35:43.679 --> 00:35:46.559
show about every issue that we've had in our marriage

644
00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:49.000
and how we got through. But I think one of

645
00:35:49.039 --> 00:35:54.000
the most important things to do as a man is

646
00:35:54.559 --> 00:35:57.960
if you really love your wife. You know, if you

647
00:35:58.760 --> 00:36:02.280
if you're like I want what's best for her and

648
00:36:02.320 --> 00:36:08.079
blah blah blah. You check yourself every day. Now. I

649
00:36:08.119 --> 00:36:12.360
don't ever see you having conversations with yourself, but I

650
00:36:12.400 --> 00:36:14.639
know a lot of guys that are going to work

651
00:36:14.719 --> 00:36:16.840
or coming home from work you think about that. You think,

652
00:36:17.880 --> 00:36:20.039
am I doing the best I can for my kids?

653
00:36:20.079 --> 00:36:22.239
Is there anything that I can do different that would

654
00:36:22.280 --> 00:36:25.519
make their lives better? And it's the same thing with

655
00:36:25.559 --> 00:36:29.679
your wife's. And I prove this point one time with

656
00:36:30.400 --> 00:36:34.840
my nephew's girlfriend. I told her. I was like, you know,

657
00:36:35.719 --> 00:36:38.480
and I know this is kind of a little different,

658
00:36:38.519 --> 00:36:41.400
but it worked. I said, if you say this to

659
00:36:41.559 --> 00:36:47.360
Logan when he's mad, well you're not going to get

660
00:36:47.360 --> 00:36:49.639
anything done about it, not if you continue to fight

661
00:36:49.679 --> 00:36:52.000
about it. I was like, you know what, I got

662
00:36:52.000 --> 00:36:55.679
an awesome nephew, Logan. I said, say it to him

663
00:36:56.079 --> 00:36:58.679
and let him think, don't say another word about it.

664
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:00.039
And what happened Maya.

665
00:37:02.519 --> 00:37:06.079
He took her out to dinner.

666
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:09.679
And because he felt bad, right, yeah, because he's like, yeah,

667
00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:11.079
you know, I just got a lot on my mind,

668
00:37:11.119 --> 00:37:12.840
got a lot of my shoulders, and I'm sorry. You

669
00:37:12.840 --> 00:37:15.119
know what you said. I thought about it. That worked

670
00:37:15.159 --> 00:37:18.960
the next day, and you're right, Okay, that's the way

671
00:37:20.039 --> 00:37:22.360
that you deal with the guy. You can't get him

672
00:37:22.360 --> 00:37:24.440
into the middle of a heated argument and then expect

673
00:37:24.480 --> 00:37:26.519
him to fix things right there? Would you say, because

674
00:37:26.559 --> 00:37:29.440
I'm that way, Like, if I'm in a heated argument,

675
00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:32.760
nothing's getting fixed, The doors are coming down, the boxes

676
00:37:32.760 --> 00:37:35.679
are getting shut, the light of stairs is going off.

677
00:37:36.320 --> 00:37:39.440
Yeah. He tends to just not say a word.

678
00:37:41.400 --> 00:37:42.800
And I think a lot of guys are like that,

679
00:37:42.880 --> 00:37:47.559
and I think that's helped our marriage, at least in

680
00:37:47.559 --> 00:37:52.039
the beginning. Now, we really don't argue. We really don't. No,

681
00:37:52.840 --> 00:37:56.719
we talked things through. We definitely have our own way

682
00:37:56.719 --> 00:38:01.760
of looking at things. We go back. You know, it's

683
00:38:01.840 --> 00:38:05.000
what your standards were for me. Am I upholding the

684
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:08.000
standards that you had set way back then? Am I

685
00:38:08.079 --> 00:38:10.320
being a good man? Am I being a good husband?

686
00:38:11.039 --> 00:38:14.599
You know? And I hold you to the same standard.

687
00:38:14.840 --> 00:38:17.119
And I think we both hold ourselves to the same standard.

688
00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:22.800
I think so too. I think we just pretty much

689
00:38:24.280 --> 00:38:27.519
have the same ideas and right well.

690
00:38:27.360 --> 00:38:31.800
And I think date night out of a zero to

691
00:38:31.880 --> 00:38:35.440
one hundred ranking date night, I would say that's a hundred.

692
00:38:36.239 --> 00:38:41.400
Yes. So as just to maybe a weekend get away,

693
00:38:41.679 --> 00:38:44.599
just to get away for a couple of days and

694
00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:48.079
enjoy each other instead of everything going on.

695
00:38:48.360 --> 00:38:52.159
Now, we made a point when we got married we

696
00:38:52.159 --> 00:38:53.159
were going to have date night.

697
00:38:54.320 --> 00:38:58.480
We have, we've had date night. We usually just go

698
00:38:58.559 --> 00:39:01.480
to dinner or we find something to do.

699
00:39:02.039 --> 00:39:05.360
Right, and it's you know, we had a rule, no

700
00:39:05.480 --> 00:39:08.280
talking about the kids, no talking about work.

701
00:39:09.440 --> 00:39:14.199
And phones. Jeremy's bad. Everywhere we go he listens to.

702
00:39:15.199 --> 00:39:17.480
It's not so much listening, it's checking emails.

703
00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:21.559
No YouTube is a lot on your phone a lot.

704
00:39:21.800 --> 00:39:24.679
If I'm trying to do something with TikTok, no, no,

705
00:39:24.760 --> 00:39:26.719
TikTok's not my deal. I mean, I go on it.

706
00:39:27.320 --> 00:39:31.519
But you know, we go out. We I shouldn't say

707
00:39:31.559 --> 00:39:33.559
we do it all the time. We used to do

708
00:39:33.599 --> 00:39:37.000
it every Friday, and just having that little bit of

709
00:39:37.039 --> 00:39:39.199
time to get back to the romantic side, you know,

710
00:39:39.280 --> 00:39:42.920
like romantic private time. If I had words of wisdom

711
00:39:43.000 --> 00:39:47.119
for couples never withhold sex from each other in a marriage.

712
00:39:47.480 --> 00:39:50.320
I mean, it comes back to bite you, like, don't

713
00:39:50.320 --> 00:39:53.119
ever use it as leverage to get something that you want.

714
00:39:53.519 --> 00:39:56.920
I mean, if you're look at each other like a teammate,

715
00:39:57.400 --> 00:40:00.880
that's something that keeps you connected. It's something that I

716
00:40:00.880 --> 00:40:05.639
think on a spiritual level, it makes you feel like

717
00:40:05.719 --> 00:40:09.360
you is it that you owe that person something or

718
00:40:09.440 --> 00:40:12.480
is it just such a strong connection that it keeps

719
00:40:12.519 --> 00:40:14.840
that connection no matter how mad you are at each other.

720
00:40:15.199 --> 00:40:18.480
I think that especially for guys, that it shows that

721
00:40:18.599 --> 00:40:20.360
you do love them. And there's been a lot of

722
00:40:20.400 --> 00:40:23.119
studies that have shown that, you know, people that stay

723
00:40:23.519 --> 00:40:28.280
romantically active in their marriage tend to stay married a

724
00:40:28.280 --> 00:40:28.880
lot longer.

725
00:40:30.000 --> 00:40:36.599
Yeah. And another thing is always showing that person you

726
00:40:36.679 --> 00:40:39.719
love them, regardless of how you show it, as long

727
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:44.440
as they know, and telling them you love them right.

728
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:48.039
Like I tell Maya, I love her every single day,

729
00:40:49.039 --> 00:40:50.920
and I would say ninety nine percent of the days

730
00:40:50.920 --> 00:40:53.519
I give her a kiss. I don't care if she's sick,

731
00:40:53.559 --> 00:40:55.039
I don't care if she's not. I don't care if

732
00:40:55.079 --> 00:40:56.800
she's got to make up on. I don't care if

733
00:40:56.800 --> 00:40:59.639
she doesn't ever make up on I do love her,

734
00:40:59.679 --> 00:41:01.639
and I still think she's gorgeous, and I think she's

735
00:41:01.679 --> 00:41:03.719
crazy that she thinks she's got to wear makeup and

736
00:41:03.760 --> 00:41:06.719
things like that. But there's other things that you can do,

737
00:41:06.800 --> 00:41:09.719
gentlemen like I learned this from a youth pastor when

738
00:41:09.760 --> 00:41:12.760
I was little. When you go up to your wife

739
00:41:13.639 --> 00:41:17.559
or your kids, you squeeze her shoulder three times. That

740
00:41:17.639 --> 00:41:20.320
means I love you, I love you, and you always

741
00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:23.559
tell them and you never ever. I learned this from

742
00:41:23.599 --> 00:41:26.440
my parents. I see a lot of men out there

743
00:41:26.440 --> 00:41:31.440
that are very oh, they're very distant about showing public affection.

744
00:41:32.719 --> 00:41:34.920
I don't go overboard. I'm not like making out with

745
00:41:34.960 --> 00:41:38.480
my wife in front of people. But I have no

746
00:41:38.519 --> 00:41:41.480
problem kissing my wife, telling her I love her, telling

747
00:41:41.559 --> 00:41:43.800
my kids I love I have no problem doing that

748
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:46.559
in public at all. Do you Maya?

749
00:41:46.920 --> 00:41:47.000
No?

750
00:41:47.480 --> 00:41:50.199
And sometimes Maya actually admitted this to me one time.

751
00:41:50.679 --> 00:41:54.000
Sometimes she likes it when I throw my arm around

752
00:41:54.000 --> 00:41:55.920
her and she's walking around with me.

753
00:41:56.280 --> 00:41:58.079
Right, yeah, you're supposed to.

754
00:41:58.599 --> 00:42:00.280
Yeah, but what does that make you feel like.

755
00:42:01.880 --> 00:42:07.000
A priority somebody that I don't know, just something special?

756
00:42:07.400 --> 00:42:10.840
Right, And that's something that we can do. You know,

757
00:42:11.239 --> 00:42:13.199
It's hard to talk about things that are out of

758
00:42:13.280 --> 00:42:16.800
your control. But the way that you treat each other

759
00:42:16.960 --> 00:42:22.320
is one and in your privy and in your control.

760
00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:25.320
So you got to tell them, even if you're gritting

761
00:42:25.360 --> 00:42:29.559
your teeth because you're angry, I love you. I'll be

762
00:42:29.639 --> 00:42:32.039
back in a while. How many times have you heard

763
00:42:32.039 --> 00:42:32.440
that from me?

764
00:42:33.440 --> 00:42:34.000
Oh? A few?

765
00:42:34.440 --> 00:42:40.719
Yeah? Or having a bad day at work, you'll call Hey,

766
00:42:41.159 --> 00:42:43.840
you know what, I'll call you when I've done. I'm busy.

767
00:42:43.840 --> 00:42:47.679
I love you. By how many times have you heard that? Lots? Right?

768
00:42:47.760 --> 00:42:49.719
I mean, it just it is what it is. But

769
00:42:49.760 --> 00:42:54.960
that's part of her knowing that I love her. Yeah,

770
00:42:55.000 --> 00:42:56.920
I got stuff to do, Yeah, I mean every every

771
00:42:57.079 --> 00:43:00.400
person has stuff to do. But at the end of

772
00:43:00.440 --> 00:43:04.559
the day, my wife's my priority. My wife is the

773
00:43:04.639 --> 00:43:08.280
queen of the castle. And guess what my kids are

774
00:43:08.280 --> 00:43:12.239
around my wife a lot, you know, And together me

775
00:43:12.280 --> 00:43:14.840
and her, we have priorities about making sure that our

776
00:43:14.880 --> 00:43:17.800
family and our children are the best that they can be.

777
00:43:18.320 --> 00:43:22.920
So when we're old and I'm knocking on that door here,

778
00:43:23.960 --> 00:43:29.119
you know, another ten years, I'll be old and I

779
00:43:29.159 --> 00:43:31.360
want to spend some quality time with my kids and

780
00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:35.360
my grandkids because to me, that's what life was always about.

781
00:43:36.280 --> 00:43:37.920
So if you want that and you want to keep

782
00:43:37.960 --> 00:43:41.280
your marriage together, guys, swallow your pride a little bit,

783
00:43:41.360 --> 00:43:43.880
swallow your ego a little bit, and tell her you

784
00:43:44.000 --> 00:43:46.519
love her and let her know that you appreciate her.

785
00:43:46.559 --> 00:43:50.800
Like I've always done this, probably not as much as

786
00:43:50.800 --> 00:43:55.519
I should, but I would leave her a note just hey,

787
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:58.840
I love you to see you later. You're beautiful, he sexually,

788
00:43:59.039 --> 00:44:03.840
you know whatever. I'm probably the world's most notorious butt

789
00:44:03.840 --> 00:44:05.599
slapper ever.

790
00:44:06.280 --> 00:44:08.880
Would you say, butt squeezer.

791
00:44:08.480 --> 00:44:12.960
Butt squeezer, Okay, butt pincher, bunt squeezer. Like if I

792
00:44:13.000 --> 00:44:14.960
walked past you when you were doing dishes and did

793
00:44:15.079 --> 00:44:17.159
smack your butt, would you think I was cheating on you?

794
00:44:18.599 --> 00:44:20.039
I think that there was something wrong.

795
00:44:20.519 --> 00:44:24.079
Yeah, yeah, I mean it's literally that. So to her,

796
00:44:24.199 --> 00:44:27.360
that's like normal, and it's not only normal, it's comforting.

797
00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:28.960
Wouldn't you say?

798
00:44:29.159 --> 00:44:34.000
Yes? I would. A lot of girls don't have somebody

799
00:44:34.119 --> 00:44:37.639
to do that or somebody that would do that, and

800
00:44:37.679 --> 00:44:47.639
it's just I guess it's something special. I wouldn't say bond, but.

801
00:44:48.119 --> 00:44:50.800
I think it's kind of a bond. I mean it's

802
00:44:50.800 --> 00:44:53.679
the same same thing, like every once in a while,

803
00:44:53.719 --> 00:44:55.199
you'll come up give me a kiss on the cheek

804
00:44:55.239 --> 00:44:57.800
and a hug, or you'll jump on me and try

805
00:44:57.800 --> 00:45:02.480
to break my arms at night, you know, just like, however,

806
00:45:02.880 --> 00:45:04.519
what are you doing and just jump on me? Just

807
00:45:04.559 --> 00:45:08.360
stuff like that. But that's the stuff. That's the stuff

808
00:45:08.360 --> 00:45:12.159
that keeps marriage together. It's understanding I think more than anything,

809
00:45:12.159 --> 00:45:12.840
that you're a team.

810
00:45:14.159 --> 00:45:17.480
Yeah, being a team. You have to be a team,

811
00:45:17.719 --> 00:45:22.559
especially if you have children, because you want your children

812
00:45:22.599 --> 00:45:26.280
to see how they will be with their spouse or

813
00:45:26.320 --> 00:45:28.039
significant other whatever.

814
00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:31.280
Right well, and I mean a team is when you

815
00:45:31.559 --> 00:45:35.239
look at your wife or wives. If you look at

816
00:45:35.280 --> 00:45:38.480
your husband and you're mad at them, you can be mad,

817
00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:41.239
that's fine, but you have to look at them like

818
00:45:41.360 --> 00:45:45.239
they're your teammate. They're not against you. And what I

819
00:45:45.280 --> 00:45:51.519
have noticed about strong husband and wife marriages relationships is

820
00:45:51.920 --> 00:45:55.800
if they have that team ideology, if they have that

821
00:45:55.920 --> 00:45:59.400
team idea, there's really nothing that can destroy them.

822
00:46:01.880 --> 00:46:04.920
I would have to say, yeah, I watched my mom

823
00:46:04.960 --> 00:46:09.039
and dad. They've been married a long time and they

824
00:46:09.079 --> 00:46:12.440
didn't always have it great, but they stuck together.

825
00:46:14.000 --> 00:46:18.159
And they had their fights. I Mean, the rule is

826
00:46:18.159 --> 00:46:19.960
is that if you're in a relationship, you're going to

827
00:46:20.039 --> 00:46:22.599
have a fight. It's how you get through the fight.

828
00:46:23.480 --> 00:46:25.320
You know. I tell people all the time, it's just

829
00:46:25.679 --> 00:46:30.280
like life. Good times do not make you who you are.

830
00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:32.920
Good times. Anybody can go through the good times. Anybody

831
00:46:32.960 --> 00:46:36.280
can be a decent person with the good times the

832
00:46:36.400 --> 00:46:40.000
hard times. That's when you really forge your identity. That's

833
00:46:40.039 --> 00:46:43.239
how you really know who you are. And it's the

834
00:46:43.280 --> 00:46:46.960
same thing with marriage. It's in the bad times that

835
00:46:47.039 --> 00:46:49.440
you really find out. Do you got a good marriage?

836
00:46:49.480 --> 00:46:50.880
Do you got a bad marriage? Do you get a

837
00:46:50.880 --> 00:46:54.199
strong marriage? Do you have a weak marriage. Is it

838
00:46:54.440 --> 00:46:56.440
your wife's gonna lean on you and you're going to

839
00:46:56.519 --> 00:46:58.920
lean on her or are you going to go running

840
00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:04.679
to your families? It's the hard times that actually create greatness.

841
00:47:05.199 --> 00:47:09.719
Yep, it is. I mean, you gotta work together.

842
00:47:10.480 --> 00:47:15.639
Absolutely, But if anybody has any questions for us, we've

843
00:47:15.679 --> 00:47:18.800
been twenty two years. We've done a lot of crazy

844
00:47:18.840 --> 00:47:21.000
things and you know, we're going to get into some

845
00:47:21.639 --> 00:47:25.119
some more of these in more detail at some point.

846
00:47:25.159 --> 00:47:27.079
I mean we've been homeless and lived in a van

847
00:47:27.199 --> 00:47:28.280
for three days.

848
00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:30.760
It was horrible.

849
00:47:31.239 --> 00:47:34.920
We and you know, financially, we have been in the

850
00:47:34.920 --> 00:47:36.400
lows of the lows, and we have been in the

851
00:47:36.440 --> 00:47:42.679
highs of the highs. We went camping one time when

852
00:47:43.480 --> 00:47:45.880
when Morgan was just a baby, because we didn't have

853
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:47.400
nowhere else to go for like two three days.

854
00:47:47.679 --> 00:47:47.880
Yep.

855
00:47:48.320 --> 00:47:51.440
So we've been that low like, you know, no food,

856
00:47:51.599 --> 00:47:55.400
no things like that. We've had the highs of the highs.

857
00:47:55.599 --> 00:47:58.880
We've had the point where you actually got in your

858
00:47:58.880 --> 00:48:02.360
car and left and the only reason you turned around

859
00:48:02.480 --> 00:48:05.440
was because our friend pastor Jeff was coming by and

860
00:48:05.519 --> 00:48:07.039
I just had enough of it, and I was like,

861
00:48:07.079 --> 00:48:09.360
you know what, whatever, go I just don't. I don't

862
00:48:09.360 --> 00:48:13.000
care anymore. And then he came back, and you know,

863
00:48:13.079 --> 00:48:16.960
thank God for him because he set us both straight.

864
00:48:17.119 --> 00:48:19.519
I think he did, and he had a funny way

865
00:48:19.519 --> 00:48:22.599
of doing it. I mean, I love that man, Jeff Turner,

866
00:48:22.719 --> 00:48:26.199
if you're listening, thank you. I really do appreciate it.

867
00:48:26.199 --> 00:48:29.440
And I think that all marriages have to have people

868
00:48:29.599 --> 00:48:33.079
in them besides the husband and wife that are not

869
00:48:33.119 --> 00:48:35.000
trying to rip them apart, that are trying to keep

870
00:48:35.039 --> 00:48:35.559
them together.

871
00:48:36.480 --> 00:48:40.679
Family's a tough one. Family gets involved in it's worse.

872
00:48:41.360 --> 00:48:43.440
It can be. It can be worse, you know, I

873
00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:46.840
truly believe that you try to keep your family out

874
00:48:46.880 --> 00:48:52.880
of your marital affairs at all costs, especially like if

875
00:48:52.880 --> 00:48:56.519
a boy talks to a mother, the mother's always or girl,

876
00:48:56.559 --> 00:48:59.719
the mother's always going to take their kid's side always.

877
00:49:00.079 --> 00:49:01.199
It's it's human nature.

878
00:49:02.440 --> 00:49:06.639
It depends on the situation. Because tell me one, well,

879
00:49:07.239 --> 00:49:10.920
Riley and Gavin when Gavin, okay.

880
00:49:10.639 --> 00:49:13.000
First of all, they're not married, No, they're not married.

881
00:49:13.079 --> 00:49:16.400
There in a opera relationship or back then more so.

882
00:49:16.599 --> 00:49:19.039
But but she said, stick up for your kids. I

883
00:49:19.119 --> 00:49:23.000
did not stick up for Gavin because I know what

884
00:49:23.079 --> 00:49:29.119
that girl was feeling, and so I could relate to

885
00:49:29.159 --> 00:49:33.239
how she was feeling because Gavin broke up with her.

886
00:49:33.880 --> 00:49:36.920
Well, yeah, I mean that those are they've been together

887
00:49:36.960 --> 00:49:40.239
a long time, three years now and at that time

888
00:49:40.320 --> 00:49:44.840
not so much. But I can see that. However, I've

889
00:49:44.840 --> 00:49:46.639
been on the other side of that token where I

890
00:49:46.679 --> 00:49:49.280
was one hundred percent in the right and my mother

891
00:49:49.360 --> 00:49:52.440
in law didn't think so, and she didn't think so,

892
00:49:52.519 --> 00:49:56.400
not because I wasn't right, but because I wasn't her kid.

893
00:49:57.639 --> 00:50:02.719
That's probably true. Yeah, my mom. Sometimes that's why I

894
00:50:02.760 --> 00:50:04.159
don't tell her anything.

895
00:50:04.960 --> 00:50:07.840
Yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, Folks,

896
00:50:09.079 --> 00:50:12.320
if you're in a marriage, is a fight worth winning?

897
00:50:12.679 --> 00:50:15.159
Especially if you're a guy and you're fighting with your wife.

898
00:50:16.239 --> 00:50:20.039
Do you really want to live with a defeated wife? Like, logically,

899
00:50:20.079 --> 00:50:22.280
do you want to beat her up? Does that make

900
00:50:22.360 --> 00:50:27.320
you feel better in a relationship? No, it's not about

901
00:50:27.400 --> 00:50:30.239
winning when it comes to your wife. It's about resolution,

902
00:50:31.199 --> 00:50:34.360
and I think over time you get to that, but

903
00:50:34.480 --> 00:50:39.920
in the meantime, until you can understand that fully, that's

904
00:50:39.960 --> 00:50:43.000
why you go on date nights. That's why you have

905
00:50:43.159 --> 00:50:46.880
alone time, that's why you have communication, that's why you

906
00:50:47.400 --> 00:50:49.920
act like you do when you're younger and being married.

907
00:50:50.960 --> 00:50:55.079
Yes, absolutely so.

908
00:50:55.119 --> 00:50:57.320
Anyways, if you want to send us an email, folks,

909
00:50:58.000 --> 00:51:01.639
email us that we are the Hansons Show at gmail

910
00:51:01.679 --> 00:51:05.480
dot com. That's we are the Hansons Show at gmail

911
00:51:05.519 --> 00:51:08.599
dot com. And we're gonna put out another one, maybe

912
00:51:08.599 --> 00:51:12.079
another two this week. Maye's got them all wrote down.

913
00:51:12.119 --> 00:51:15.079
I'm not even sure if I'm on them, but until

914
00:51:15.159 --> 00:51:17.199
next time, thank you for listening to We are the

915
00:51:17.239 --> 00:51:20.559
Hansons and we love you.