March 4, 2025

We Are the Hansons: Things I Never Thought I’d Say as a Mom!

We Are the Hansons: Things I Never Thought I’d Say as a Mom!

Parenting comes with a lot of surprises, but some things you end up saying as a mom are beyond imagination! In this hilarious and heartfelt episode of We Are the Hansons, we dive into the wild, unexpected, and downright bizarre phrases that motherhood brings out—things you never thought would leave your mouth until kids made it necessary! From breaking up the strangest sibling fights to issuing warnings you never dreamed of, this episode is packed with relatable parenting moments, laughter, and a touch of chaos.

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Welcome back to We are the Handsen, where life is loud,

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messy and full of surprises.

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I'm your hostess, Maya Hansen, and.

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Today I'm trying solo, probably the only time I do

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anything alone in this house. But I thought, why not

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take advantage of this rare moment of peace to talk

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about something hilarious. Today's episode is all about the things

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I never thought I'd say as a mom, because let's

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be real, when you first imagine parenting, you picture yourself

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teaching life lessons, having deep conversations, and.

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Maybe being the cool mom. But in reality, most of

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what comes out of.

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My mouth sounds like I'm either running a zoo or

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negotiating a hostive situation.

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Let's dive in. Okay, So.

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I keep a running list of the weirdest things I've

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said to my kids because frankly, I need proof that

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I haven't lost my mind. And let me tell you,

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some of these are pure gold. For example, stop licking

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the window.

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I tell my kids.

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My littler ones this a lot, just because you know,

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when it's cold outside, you know how the window gets

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frosted over and the kids like to draw on it. Well,

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my kids, they like to draw on it, but they

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also like to lick it, and I can never figure

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that out. I'm like, that cannot taste good at all,

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So just stop licking the window. What parents says that

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to their kids? I mean, I could see if it

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was a dog, but it's my kids. So here we are,

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I'm telling them to stop licking the window, and they laugh.

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They think it's funny. But then there's like me asking

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my kids why is the dog wearing a diaper and

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in doll clothes? Like what is happening here? And then

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seeing my dog dressed as a baby and put in

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a car seeck and she's just laying there playing along

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with it like she's a baby.

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I'm like, what in the world is happening? Guys? So

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my kids think it's.

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Funny, you know, if they're not hurting the dog, I

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don't see why not let them have fun and enjoy life.

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Them are a couple things that I always say, And no,

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you cannot wear boots with shorts, Cowboy boots with shorts.

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That just looks silly. With some of the clothes my

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girls wear. They want to wear shorts when it's snowing.

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I don't let that happen. So I'm always asking them,

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why are you wearing shorts when it's snowing outside. My

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kids have this incredible ability to choose the worst footwear

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for any given situation, and somehow it always turns into

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an argument like I'm personally attacking their right to frostbite

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some of the stuff they wear.

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I don't know, So I'm gonna hop over.

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To some bathroom chronicles because, wow, if you have kids,

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you know that going to the bathroom in piece is luxury.

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But what's even wilder is the stuff I've had to

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say in or about the bathroom. For instance, why is

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there a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet?

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I've had to dig out multiple full rolls of toilet

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paper out of the toilet from my girls. You know,

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when they don't put it on the roll itself, it

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tends to happen to fall in the toilet bowl and

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sometimes they don't flush. So, needless to say, we go

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through a ton of toilet paper here, and you do

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not need an abundance of toilet paper when you go

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to the bathroom. I've tried and tried and tried to

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teach my kids, like, your butt is not that big

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that you have to use half the roll to wipe.

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You don't have to use that much. So I'm always

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teasing them that they don't have a butt as big

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as an elephant, so they don't need that much. Theirs

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is more the size of a mouse. So them are

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some of the things I tend to say about using

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the bathroom. Another one is, you know, you don't need

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an audience to go to the bathroom, And I don't

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care if you're two or twenty two. Privacy is a

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beautiful thing, but in this house, apparently it's optional. My

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personal favorite, No, the bathtub is not a swimming pool.

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One of my kids, well actually two of my kids,

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tend to think that they can put on full swim gear,

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got go floaties, their swimsuit, and go deep dive swimming

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in our bathtub, even though our bathtub ain't that big.

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So those are some of the things. And the confidence

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definitely was admirable. The flood in my bathroom not so much.

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It was not cool. Food is another battleground where I

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never expected to say some of the things that I've said, like, no,

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ketchup is not your vegetable. I mean, I get it,

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it's technically made from tomatoes. But that doesn't mean I'm

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letting you dip your entire meal in it and call

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it balanced nutrition. My kids put ketchup on everything. It's

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either ketchup barbecue sauce or soy sauce. Doesn't matter what

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they eat, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, whatever is on

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their plate, they will dip and ketchup barbecue sauce and

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so i sauce. It just depends on what they have

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an handkred for that day. And we ate the last

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cookie and left the empty box. That happens so much

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in our house. It could be cookies, it could be crackers,

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it could be fruit snacks, it could be cereal. It

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always seems to happen. And then they'll want something like

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that and I'll go to get it and I'm like, hmm,

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somebody left the empty box here. So it doesn't just

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happen with that kind of stuff. It happens with everything.

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This one is always met with. Not me. I live

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in a house where snacks disappear like magic, and yet

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no one is ever responsible. That is how this household is.

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If you don't like it, don't eat it, but stop

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gagging dramatically or saying ick. I mean that happens an

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awful lot, and kids act like you just poison them

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when you serve them vegetables. My kids are not big

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into green beans or peas. They like asparagus, they like corn,

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and they do sometimes like carrots and then potatoes. They

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are not big on veggies, especially the little ones. I'm like,

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I'm sorry, I didn't realize green beans were a personal

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attack because they're always telling me that we eat green

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beans all the time, which green beans are a big

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thing in our house because you can only eat corn

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so many days a week before you can't eat corn

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no more. And I want to keep my liking to

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corn and not get burnt out from it. So therefore,

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we do a lot of green beans. We do have

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a lot of broccoli and cheese. We do a lot

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of peas. I try and mix things up, though, and

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instead of like one of those veggies, I try like

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cauliflower or cooked cabbage. Needless to say, my kids are

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not big on that kind of stuff, but they for

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the most part, they're pretty good about it. Some days

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I feel like I work the complaint department at a

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very chaotic department store, and I'm sure a lot of

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people get this, especially mothers. The request I get our

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next level ridiculous, like can you make me ramen noodles?

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I hear that twenty four to seven, and I want

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chocolate milk. Or I don't like this cereal because it

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tastes funny, and it could be Raisin brand, or it

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could be cheerios or something. If it is not colorful

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in our house, my kids would rather not eat it.

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So if it ain't fruit loops, if.

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It ain't marshmallow maties, if it isn't Applejack's, any of

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those colorful cereals, my kids will eat.

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If there's no color to it, they don't want it.

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Another one I get a lot is mom, can you

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make my sandwich but with no crust and just cheese

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and then cut it in half or in force? And

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I'm like, okay, I can do this. But we get

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a lot of that because the girls, really, honestly, they

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do not like crust. They do not like to eat

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a whole sandwich unless it's cut in half or in force.

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And sometimes you know, you just cut it in half

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and half again, and then you're sitting there and they're like,

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why'd you cut it that way? Why didn't you cut

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it in triangles? And I'm like, oh, my goodness, why

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you gotta be so picky. So things I've given up on,

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and finally I have completely given up on because at

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some point you realize that fighting certain battles is just

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not worth it. One thing that I have given up

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on is matching socks gone. My kids will go outside

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with two different colored socks on because I think our

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washer eats the socks. It's either the washer or the

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dryer eating them, but something is eating them because most

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of the time I can only find one even though

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I put both in.

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I don't even.

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Blink anymore when I see them wearing two different socks.

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One because they sell mismatched socks at Walmart anyway, so

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I don't feel as bad. And two the kids kind

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of think it's cool to wear two to different colored

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socks or two different style of socks. And the other

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thing is a clean car that is not happening. I

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have just accepted that my vehicle will always have crumbs,

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wrappers and at least one identified sticky spot. I'm gonna

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tell you, my kids are little piglets when it comes

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to the car.

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And long car rides are the worst.

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I mean, they can make a big mess, so I

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try to limit and usually when we stop, I empty

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all the trash out of the car because I cannot

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take it that way. When we get to our destination.

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Alls I gotta worry about is just vacuuming, but there

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is always one sticky spot. And then the laundry. If

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it's clean and somewhere in the house, I consider that

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a win. A lot of times. What I do is

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I'll do the laundry and fold it, and then I'll

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tell the kids to go put it away. And I

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know if I entered their bedroom and I recognize an

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outfit or a shirt or something that I just washed

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and it's still folding and on the floor, I know

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that they did not put it away. So laundry is

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crazy at our house. My little girls, I can wash

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something and I'll see them wearing it five minutes later.

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So they go through clothes like crazy. So laundry definitely

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stacks up very high. So to all the parents out

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there saying things you never thought you'd say, just know

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you're not alone in that, because I have myself saying

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some crazy stuff. I'm going to tell you a funny

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little story before I get off. We were sitting in

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the living room and we have a male dog and

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he was sitting kind of funny on the floor and

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our daughter Torren, who's eight, she has never paid much

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attention to the lower half of the dog.

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Well, he was.

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Sitting kind of funny and she looked down and she said, ew,

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what is that what's sticking out of Boomer's wiener. I

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started laughing and I was like, Torren, that is Boomer's wiener.

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She's like, why does it have a cover on it?

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And, needless to say, I had to explain to her

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that dogs have that, that's just how dogs are made.

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But it was just funny hearing her when she said that,

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because she had no idea because she's never seen it before.

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It was just a hilarious moment and everybody started laughing.

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Them are some of the things that we say to

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our kids, and as parents, you don't really think about

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it until after you say it, and you're like, why

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did I just say that. You know, some of the

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stuff that we say, you never really thought you'd say it,

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but here we.

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Are saying it.

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So if you've ever caught yourself saying something completely ridiculous,

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I want to hear from you. Message me on We

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are the Hanson's Facebook page, or you can send me

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an email at we are THEE. Hansen Show at gmail

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dot com. I want to thank you all for hanging

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out with me and we are the Hansens. Now, if

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you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out why

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one of my kids just yelled. It was an accident,

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I swear from the other room.

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Wish me luck.