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Welcome back to We are the Handsen, where life is loud,
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messy and full of surprises.
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I'm your hostess, Maya Hansen, and.
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Today I'm trying solo, probably the only time I do
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anything alone in this house. But I thought, why not
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take advantage of this rare moment of peace to talk
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about something hilarious. Today's episode is all about the things
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I never thought I'd say as a mom, because let's
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be real, when you first imagine parenting, you picture yourself
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teaching life lessons, having deep conversations, and.
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Maybe being the cool mom. But in reality, most of
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what comes out of.
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My mouth sounds like I'm either running a zoo or
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negotiating a hostive situation.
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Let's dive in. Okay, So.
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I keep a running list of the weirdest things I've
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said to my kids because frankly, I need proof that
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I haven't lost my mind. And let me tell you,
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some of these are pure gold. For example, stop licking
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the window.
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I tell my kids.
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My littler ones this a lot, just because you know,
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when it's cold outside, you know how the window gets
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frosted over and the kids like to draw on it. Well,
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my kids, they like to draw on it, but they
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also like to lick it, and I can never figure
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that out. I'm like, that cannot taste good at all,
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So just stop licking the window. What parents says that
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to their kids? I mean, I could see if it
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was a dog, but it's my kids. So here we are,
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I'm telling them to stop licking the window, and they laugh.
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They think it's funny. But then there's like me asking
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my kids why is the dog wearing a diaper and
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in doll clothes? Like what is happening here? And then
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seeing my dog dressed as a baby and put in
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a car seeck and she's just laying there playing along
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with it like she's a baby.
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I'm like, what in the world is happening? Guys? So
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my kids think it's.
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Funny, you know, if they're not hurting the dog, I
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don't see why not let them have fun and enjoy life.
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Them are a couple things that I always say, And no,
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you cannot wear boots with shorts, Cowboy boots with shorts.
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That just looks silly. With some of the clothes my
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girls wear. They want to wear shorts when it's snowing.
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I don't let that happen. So I'm always asking them,
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why are you wearing shorts when it's snowing outside. My
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kids have this incredible ability to choose the worst footwear
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for any given situation, and somehow it always turns into
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an argument like I'm personally attacking their right to frostbite
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some of the stuff they wear.
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I don't know, So I'm gonna hop over.
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To some bathroom chronicles because, wow, if you have kids,
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you know that going to the bathroom in piece is luxury.
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But what's even wilder is the stuff I've had to
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say in or about the bathroom. For instance, why is
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there a whole roll of toilet paper in the toilet?
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I've had to dig out multiple full rolls of toilet
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paper out of the toilet from my girls. You know,
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when they don't put it on the roll itself, it
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tends to happen to fall in the toilet bowl and
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sometimes they don't flush. So, needless to say, we go
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through a ton of toilet paper here, and you do
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not need an abundance of toilet paper when you go
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to the bathroom. I've tried and tried and tried to
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teach my kids, like, your butt is not that big
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that you have to use half the roll to wipe.
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You don't have to use that much. So I'm always
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teasing them that they don't have a butt as big
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as an elephant, so they don't need that much. Theirs
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is more the size of a mouse. So them are
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some of the things I tend to say about using
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the bathroom. Another one is, you know, you don't need
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an audience to go to the bathroom, And I don't
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care if you're two or twenty two. Privacy is a
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beautiful thing, but in this house, apparently it's optional. My
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personal favorite, No, the bathtub is not a swimming pool.
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One of my kids, well actually two of my kids,
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tend to think that they can put on full swim gear,
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got go floaties, their swimsuit, and go deep dive swimming
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in our bathtub, even though our bathtub ain't that big.
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So those are some of the things. And the confidence
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definitely was admirable. The flood in my bathroom not so much.
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It was not cool. Food is another battleground where I
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never expected to say some of the things that I've said, like, no,
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ketchup is not your vegetable. I mean, I get it,
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it's technically made from tomatoes. But that doesn't mean I'm
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letting you dip your entire meal in it and call
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it balanced nutrition. My kids put ketchup on everything. It's
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either ketchup barbecue sauce or soy sauce. Doesn't matter what
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they eat, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, whatever is on
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their plate, they will dip and ketchup barbecue sauce and
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so i sauce. It just depends on what they have
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an handkred for that day. And we ate the last
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cookie and left the empty box. That happens so much
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in our house. It could be cookies, it could be crackers,
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it could be fruit snacks, it could be cereal. It
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always seems to happen. And then they'll want something like
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that and I'll go to get it and I'm like, hmm,
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somebody left the empty box here. So it doesn't just
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happen with that kind of stuff. It happens with everything.
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This one is always met with. Not me. I live
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in a house where snacks disappear like magic, and yet
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no one is ever responsible. That is how this household is.
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If you don't like it, don't eat it, but stop
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gagging dramatically or saying ick. I mean that happens an
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awful lot, and kids act like you just poison them
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when you serve them vegetables. My kids are not big
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into green beans or peas. They like asparagus, they like corn,
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and they do sometimes like carrots and then potatoes. They
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are not big on veggies, especially the little ones. I'm like,
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I'm sorry, I didn't realize green beans were a personal
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attack because they're always telling me that we eat green
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beans all the time, which green beans are a big
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thing in our house because you can only eat corn
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so many days a week before you can't eat corn
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no more. And I want to keep my liking to
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corn and not get burnt out from it. So therefore,
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we do a lot of green beans. We do have
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a lot of broccoli and cheese. We do a lot
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of peas. I try and mix things up, though, and
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instead of like one of those veggies, I try like
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cauliflower or cooked cabbage. Needless to say, my kids are
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not big on that kind of stuff, but they for
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the most part, they're pretty good about it. Some days
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I feel like I work the complaint department at a
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very chaotic department store, and I'm sure a lot of
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people get this, especially mothers. The request I get our
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next level ridiculous, like can you make me ramen noodles?
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I hear that twenty four to seven, and I want
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chocolate milk. Or I don't like this cereal because it
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tastes funny, and it could be Raisin brand, or it
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could be cheerios or something. If it is not colorful
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in our house, my kids would rather not eat it.
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So if it ain't fruit loops, if.
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It ain't marshmallow maties, if it isn't Applejack's, any of
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those colorful cereals, my kids will eat.
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If there's no color to it, they don't want it.
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Another one I get a lot is mom, can you
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make my sandwich but with no crust and just cheese
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and then cut it in half or in force? And
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I'm like, okay, I can do this. But we get
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a lot of that because the girls, really, honestly, they
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do not like crust. They do not like to eat
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a whole sandwich unless it's cut in half or in force.
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And sometimes you know, you just cut it in half
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and half again, and then you're sitting there and they're like,
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why'd you cut it that way? Why didn't you cut
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it in triangles? And I'm like, oh, my goodness, why
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you gotta be so picky. So things I've given up on,
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and finally I have completely given up on because at
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some point you realize that fighting certain battles is just
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not worth it. One thing that I have given up
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on is matching socks gone. My kids will go outside
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with two different colored socks on because I think our
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washer eats the socks. It's either the washer or the
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dryer eating them, but something is eating them because most
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of the time I can only find one even though
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I put both in.
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I don't even.
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Blink anymore when I see them wearing two different socks.
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One because they sell mismatched socks at Walmart anyway, so
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I don't feel as bad. And two the kids kind
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of think it's cool to wear two to different colored
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socks or two different style of socks. And the other
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thing is a clean car that is not happening. I
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have just accepted that my vehicle will always have crumbs,
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wrappers and at least one identified sticky spot. I'm gonna
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tell you, my kids are little piglets when it comes
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to the car.
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And long car rides are the worst.
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I mean, they can make a big mess, so I
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try to limit and usually when we stop, I empty
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all the trash out of the car because I cannot
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take it that way. When we get to our destination.
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Alls I gotta worry about is just vacuuming, but there
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is always one sticky spot. And then the laundry. If
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it's clean and somewhere in the house, I consider that
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a win. A lot of times. What I do is
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I'll do the laundry and fold it, and then I'll
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tell the kids to go put it away. And I
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know if I entered their bedroom and I recognize an
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outfit or a shirt or something that I just washed
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and it's still folding and on the floor, I know
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that they did not put it away. So laundry is
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crazy at our house. My little girls, I can wash
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something and I'll see them wearing it five minutes later.
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So they go through clothes like crazy. So laundry definitely
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stacks up very high. So to all the parents out
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there saying things you never thought you'd say, just know
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you're not alone in that, because I have myself saying
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some crazy stuff. I'm going to tell you a funny
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little story before I get off. We were sitting in
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the living room and we have a male dog and
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he was sitting kind of funny on the floor and
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our daughter Torren, who's eight, she has never paid much
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attention to the lower half of the dog.
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Well, he was.
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Sitting kind of funny and she looked down and she said, ew,
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what is that what's sticking out of Boomer's wiener. I
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started laughing and I was like, Torren, that is Boomer's wiener.
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She's like, why does it have a cover on it?
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And, needless to say, I had to explain to her
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that dogs have that, that's just how dogs are made.
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But it was just funny hearing her when she said that,
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because she had no idea because she's never seen it before.
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It was just a hilarious moment and everybody started laughing.
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Them are some of the things that we say to
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our kids, and as parents, you don't really think about
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it until after you say it, and you're like, why
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did I just say that. You know, some of the
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stuff that we say, you never really thought you'd say it,
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but here we.
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Are saying it.
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So if you've ever caught yourself saying something completely ridiculous,
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I want to hear from you. Message me on We
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are the Hanson's Facebook page, or you can send me
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an email at we are THEE. Hansen Show at gmail
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dot com. I want to thank you all for hanging
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out with me and we are the Hansens. Now, if
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you'll excuse me, I have to go figure out why
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one of my kids just yelled. It was an accident,
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I swear from the other room.
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Wish me luck.