WEBVTT
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Welcome back to We are the hands that today we're
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diving into a big topic, responsibility. As parents of a
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large family, we know firsthand how important it is to
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teach our kids to be responsible from a young age
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or responsibility is it just about.
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Tours or taking care of their things. It's about shaping
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them into capable and dependable adults.
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Let's talk about how we instill responsibility in our kids
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and why it matters so much in our family.
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I'm going to start off by saying responsibility is one
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of the biggest life skills we can get our children.
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When kids learn responsibility, they gain confidence, independence, and a
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sense of accomplishment. They also learn accountability, understanding that their
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actions have consequences, whether it good or bad. If we
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don't teach our kids' responsibility, they might struggle with discipline,
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decision making, and even relationships in the future. For us,
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raising responsible kids isn't just about making our lives easier,
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though it certainly helps.
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It's about preparing them.
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For the real world, where they will have to manage
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their time, commitments, and personal responsibilities without constant reminders from
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us as parents. You know, with so many kids in
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our household, we've developed different ways to teach responsibility based
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on their ages and personalities. Here are some of the
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main ways we do it, you know, giving age appropriate chores.
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Every child in our home has responsibilities that match their
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age and ability. Our younger kids, they might be in
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charge of simple tasks like putting their toys away, while
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the older ones help with dishes, laundry, or meal prepping,
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which we don't do a lot of meal prepping just
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because things change for us day to day, so we
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don't really have a lot of time because we're so busy,
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so meal prepping usually doesn't happen here, but sometimes we
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do it just depends on the week. I guess you know,
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these tours aren't just about getting things done. They help
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our kids feel like valuable members in the family. When
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I give my kids a task, they usually if they
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they know that it's gonna help them in some type
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of way, whether it be being able to go to
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a friend's house or being able to do something, play
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on their tablets or whatnot. That helps my kids with motivation.
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I guess you could say I watch the little ones
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more than the older ones because the little ones are
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more into Like I can say, if.
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You clean your room will do this.
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Or I can say, if you clean your room, I'll
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take you to the dollar tree and you might get
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to pick out something, and nine times out of ten
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they will clean that room spotless, not just pick up.
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The older kids, none of them really do laundry, just
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because they tend to overload the wash machine. That being said,
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they have other things to do. They have to clean
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their own rooms. They have to help take out trash,
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they have to help clean the table off in the kitchen,
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do dishes, wipe down counters, stuff like that. So everybody's
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helping somewhere. Sometimes if dad's outside doing car work, you know,
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changing oil, putting brakes on, the older ones are out
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there helping and learning.
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At the same time.
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We try to teach the older ones how to do
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all that stuff because it teaches them to be responsible
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with their own vehicles, making sure their oil gets changed,
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making sure their breaks are taken care of. It's teaching
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them to be responsible. I never usually have to worry
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about anything like that with the older kids. Morgan, on
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the other hand, she tends to slack a little bit
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on her oil changes, but she means to do it.
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She just very forgetful, very busy, so sometimes that does happen.
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Kids learn best by watching us as parents or adults,
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like grandparents seeing them do it, parents seeing them do it,
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aunts and uncle seeing them do it.
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They learn by us if.
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They see us taking the responsibility for our actions. Even
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if there's an argument and one of us is wrong,
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we take accountability for that.
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We are responsible for.
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That, admitting when we make mistakes and following through on commitments.
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They'll naturally start to do the same. If we tell
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them to clean up after themselves but never do it ourselves,
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they're gonna notice that disconnect. I am always cleaning. I
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just I enjoy it and it's very relaxing to me.
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I'm always cleaning, and my kids see that. Toring my
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eight year old, she especially is following that footstep. She
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does tend to mess up a lot. But if I
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say clean up, she's always the one. Or I'll say, Torrin,
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I need your help. We need to clean the table
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off and wipe it down. She will help. She is
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the first one that responds. We try to let natural
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consequences do the teaching when possible. If one of our
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children forgets something at home, they learn to double check
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next time, like my son Gavin, he always forgets his
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wallet before he leaves for work. He will sit it
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down and walk out the door, and I'm calling him, hey,
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you forgot your wallet. And then usually the next time
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he'll remember, and then he'll forget again.
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So it's just a habit too.
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If they don't do their laundry, they'll run out of
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their favorite clothes. Usually I'm the one that does the laundry,
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but if it is not in the dirty clothes basket,
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well I'm not going searching for it.
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So they learn that way too.
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They have to bring their clothes and put them into
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that clothes basket in order for their clothes to be washed.
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These lessons stick better than constant nagging. I'm not going
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to sit there and nag them twenty four to seven,
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get your dirty clothes out, take the dishes to the sink.
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They need to learn that responsibility. I can say it
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one time and I won't say it no more. Instead
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of jumping in to fix everything, we ask questions to
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guide them towards a solution. If one of the kids forgets,
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like Gavin forgets his wallet at home or something, instead
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of running it to them, we ask what can you do?
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To make sure it doesn't happen again, like you have
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to start remembering that stuff. This helps them develop critical
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thinking and accountability. We encourage our kids to take ownership
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of their schedules. Every child has a schedule, or at
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least in our home, and part of that schedule is
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remembering what you have to.
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Do that day.
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We do it day by day because the whole week
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would just confuse them. So we start off Monday, What
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do you got to do Monday? And I'll say that
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to them, especially the younger ones, and they will usually
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go through and tell me what they have to do.
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It's just a responsibility that we give them to remember
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what they have to do that day, and they're pretty
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good about that. The sooner they learn time management, the
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better prepared they'll be for adult I've watched it with
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the older kids, learning how to manage their time, not
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forget their stuff, you know, get everything together the night before.
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That way, when you're running out the door for college
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or work, you can just grab it and go in
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the morning. You don't have to worry about running around
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like a chicken with your head cut off, grabbing it
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and going. And I see that all the time with
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our older kids. They are very responsible children, and it's
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because we've instilled in them that these are the steps
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you need to take. You have to be the responsible
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one doing your laundry. When do you do your laundry?
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Pick a day.
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Usually the older kids like to do their laundry Saturday
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or Sunday. They do all their laundry for the week,
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and then it's done Saturday and Sunday come around and
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they're right back at laundry. So I've seen them do
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that a lot. Let's be honest, teaching responsibility isn't always easy.
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Sometimes it feels like, uh, you know, it would be
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quicker and easier to just do things ourself.
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But we can't do that.
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There are times when our kids push back, they complain,
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or even fail, but failure is part of that process.
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When they mess up, it's a chance for growth. I mean,
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we can't be there every single day twenty four to
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seven to show them how to be responsible. They have
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to learn by watching and by getting told. Eventually, you're
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not going to be there to do that, so they
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have to take the initiative first their actions. There's also
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the challenge of finding the balance between responsibility and overwhelming
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them when we want our kids to be responsible, but
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we don't want to load them with so much that
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they feel stressed or burnt out. We keep an open
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dialogue with them to make sure they feel supported while
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still being challenged.
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And it's not that hard. It really is not that hard. One.
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I don't want to be that nagging mom that's always hounding,
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but I also want them to learn from me the
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first time, so I try and be as stern as
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I can to let them know that listen, this is
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your responsibility. You need to figure it out and take action.
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The best part of teaching responsibility is seeing the long
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term benefits in our kids. We've watched our older kids
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step up as leaders, not just in our home, but
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in school, in sports, and in work. They've learned the
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value of hard work, the importance of keeping their word,
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and the satisfaction of a job well done. Seeing them
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become independent and reliable young adults makes all the.
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Effort worth it.
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I'm sure a lot of you know what I mean
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by that. Sometimes kids don't want to be responsible, and
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you can sit there and drill them and drill them
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and drill them. I'm going to tell you a little story.
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Our son Gavin, he is the youngest boy. For a
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long time, he wouldn't listen. He just he was very stubborn.
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I always told myself, I got to try and break
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him of that stubbornness, because you could tell him one
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thing and it would just go right out his ears
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and he would do the total opposite. And I would
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always get on him about his schoolwork in middle school
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and the beginning of high school, and I would be like, Gavin,
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you are so much better than this. His teacher said, Man,
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he works so hard, but he always forgets to.
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Turn in his homework.
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And I'm like, hmm, she said, if he would just
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do his homework and turn it in as soon as
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it's done instead of waiting four days to turn it in,
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he would be an ab student. But here he's sitting
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at a sea because he doesn't turn in his homework.
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I thought to myself, how can I fix this so
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that he will turn in his homework. So I was
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like Gavin, from now on, when you complete your assignment,
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turn it in right away. Don't put it in your folder,
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fuck it up, stick it in the basket, stick it
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on the teacher's desk wherever they want you to turn
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it in at turn it in, he says, Mom, Well,
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sometimes she tells us to hold on to it till
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the next day. I just forget to turn it in.
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I told him, from now on, even if she tells
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you to hold on to him, turn it in right away.
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That way you never forget. And if she says anything
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to you, tell her your mom told you to because
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you're forgetful. So I noticed he was doing a lot
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better with turning in his homework. I had reached out
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to his teacher a couple weeks later and I was like,
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you know, I'm just checking in to see how Gavin's
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doing with his schoolwork getting it turned in on time.
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And she's like, he's doing pretty good. He's doing a
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lot better than what he was, but he's still forgetting.
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I told him, I was like, Gavin, you cannot forget
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because you're killing your grade. Eventually, I noticed that he
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was doing a lot better. I mean to the point
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where his grade was staying between an A and a
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B and it wasn't dropping below that. You know, that
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was his responsibility to make sure it got turned in.
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And I think, you know, just my two talks to
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him helped a lot, because I always tell my kids,
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I know you guys can do the work. You just
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got to do it. You guys are super smart kids,
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and if you put time and effort into it, you
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can do it. And I'm going to tell you, I
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see how hard my kids work at stuff. Like Tristan
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in middle school. Tristan really struggled in middle school. He
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was very quiet, didn't say a lot. He was scared
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to ask for help. Even though all the teachers were
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openly and willing to help him, he was scared to ask.
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So he was starting to struggle and I was like, Tristan,
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you shouldn't be struggling.
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You know this stuff.
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Well, what he was doing was he was second guessing
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his answers and then he'd redo it and he'd get
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the wrong answer, even though the first answer he got
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was correct. Needless to say, his teacher helped him. He
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told him, don't stuck and guess yourself. You know this,
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You're very smart. Take your time and do it. So
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once he started taking his time stuff like that, he