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Welcome back to We Are the Hands Ends. Today.
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I want to talk about something that's been on my
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mind a lot lately, raising kids with different personalities.
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When you have a big family like mine.
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You start to realize pretty quickly that no two kids
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are the same. Even though they come from the same home,
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the same parents, and often grow up with the same rules,
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their personalities can be widely different.
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And let me tell you, figuring out how to parent
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each one in the way they need.
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That's a whole adventure in itself. I think you start
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to notice the differences early in life, and even.
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When they're babies.
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You know, some kids are naturally more easy going, and
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they go through the flow and sleep through the night
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and adjust easy to new situations.
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And then you.
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Know there are the ones who are a little more particular,
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Like there are kids that have certain blankets that they
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have to have to fall asleep, and others you get
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off that routine, or their routine shifts just a little
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bit and it's different. I remember when Maddie was little,
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she was so independent right from the start. She didn't
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want help with things, and she would get very frush
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straighted if I tried to step in to help but
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then one of the younger ones would cling to me
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for comfort over the smallest thing. I had to learn
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that they both needed me, just in very different ways.
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And what I mean by that is one one's comfort
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one once their independence. So you have to balance the two.
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You got a comfort one and have a little help
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with the other, which even though they don't want help,
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you still try. That's the thing about raising kids with
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different personalities. You can't use a one size fits all
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parenting style. What works for one kid might not completely
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work for another one, and it might backfire. Some of
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my kids respond very well to gentle guidance in a
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little bit of space to figure things.
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Out on their own.
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Others need more structured approach, clear rules, direct consequences, and
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a lot of consistency. I've got a couple of kids
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who thrive on praise. If I tell them how proud
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I am of them or how great they did, it
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fuels them to keep working hard. But others, if I
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praise them too much, they start to feel pressure and
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shut down. So I've had to figure out when to
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step in and encourage and when to step back and let.
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Them come to me.
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And of course, you know, different personalities mean different conflict styles.
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Some of my kids are really sensitive and if they
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get into a fight with a sibling, they need time
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and space to call off. And that's normal. You know,
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everybody has their own way. Others want to talk it
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out right away and get frustrated if the other person
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isn't ready to do that, and managing that dynamic is
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tricky because you don't want to force one to engage
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when they're not ready, but you also want to teach
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them how to communicate and compromise. I found that teaching
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them to respect each other's differences is key. You might
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need to explain to the kid who likes to talk
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things out that sometimes their siblings need quiet time before
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they're ready to discuss it. And sometimes that works for
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us adults as well. And you have to remind the
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quiet one that avoiding the conversation forever isn't going to
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solve anything either. And I know my husband is that
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way where he likes to walk away and take a
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break and a little breather and then he'll come back
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and we'll discuss it. Me I'm the one that likes
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to get right to business, sit down and talk about
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it right then. It's also about, you know, noticing what
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each child's natural strengths and weaknesses are. One of my
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kids might be super creative and they can sit down
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with a pile of art supplies and turn it into
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something amazing without any direction.
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Another one might be more analytical.
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They want instructions, structure, and clear steps to follow. If
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I try to push the creative one to follow strict rules,
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it stifles them, and if I give the analytical one
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too much freedom, they feel overwhelmed. So I've learned to
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lean into their strengths while helping them build up the
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areas where they struggle. If one of my kids is
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naturally empathetic but tends to take on other people's emotions
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too much, I try to teach them how to set boundaries.
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If another kid is really logical but struggles with emotional expression,
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I try to help them understand how to connect with
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their feelings without forcing it.
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That makes sense. One of the.
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Biggest lessons I've learned is that teaching kids about their
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own personality and how it interacts with others is just
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as important as understanding it myself. I've had conversations with
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my kids about how we all think and feel differently
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and that's okay. They need to know that it's not
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about changing who they are. It's about learning how to
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navigate the world with the personality that they have. Sometimes
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I'll just sit down with them after a conflict and say, hey,
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I know you like to handle things head on, but
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your brother needs a little more time. How can we
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find a.
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Middle ground there?
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Or I'll tell one of my more sensitive kids, I
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know that hurt your feelings, but maybe your sister didn't
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mean it that way.
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She's just more, you know. Direct.
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The hardest part, honestly, is letting go of the idea
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that I can control how they turn out. I can
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guide them, teach them and give them all the tools
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I have, but they're still going to grow into the
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person they're meant to be, not how I want them
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to be, And sometimes that person is going to be
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very different from what I imagined.
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And it's tough.
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When you see a kid struggling with something you know
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you know their siblings handle easily. It's easy to think, well,
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if they just did it this way, it would be better,
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but that's not how it works. What's easy for one
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kid is hard for another, and that is perfectly okay,
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But you know what, that's also the beauty of it.
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Seeing how different they are means you get to celebrate
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so many unique milestones.
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Watching one kid score a.
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Goal in soccer after months of practice, and watching another
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one finally master a piece of music they've been.
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Working on for weeks.
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It's all success and it's all special because it reflects
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who they are as individuals, and honestly, their differences make
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our family stronger. They learn from each other, and the
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quieter ones learn to speak up from their louder sibling,
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the confident ones learn patience and empathy from the more
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sensitive ones. And as a parent me, I have learned
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to let go of the idea that my way is
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the only way, because each kid teaches me something new
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every day. So if you're raising kids with different personalities,
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and honestly, who isn't my advice is this, get to
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know your kids for who they are, not who you
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think they should be, because every child is different. Just
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when you think your child is the same as your
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other child, you will sit there and you will see
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that there is so many differences in each time. They
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are not the same, even though sometimes you see them
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doing similar things or acting similar ways. There is always
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something that makes them different, and there's nothing wrong with
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that at all. I have watched all of my kids,
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you know, all their personalities and how they act and
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how they react to things, and every one of them
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is different. I do have to say, you know, my Torn,
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she is more an emotional kid, so if somebody says
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something and she takes it wrong, she will cry. My Anna,
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on the other hand, she's more of a I would
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have to say, more of a fighter.
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I guess, I don't know.
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Sometimes when Torren will say something to Anna, she'll get
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really loud and mad at her, and then Torren will say, oh,
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I didn't mean it like that, and once Torn explains
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it to her, then she's okay. Sometimes when I ask
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them to clean, they'll say I didn't make that mess,
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and then I'll say, it doesn't matter who made it,
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we all need to help and pick up together. The
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one will get mad at the other one because they
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don't feel it is their job to pick it up
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because they didn't mess it. But we work through it
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and we get there now. I do have kids in
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our home that when they get upset, they don't talk.
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It's just they stay quiet and it's not always a bad.
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Thing to stay quiet. I feel that.
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Everybody should have that space because when they are ready,
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they will eventually talk about it and that's okay. So
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give them the space to be different while helping them
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understand how to respect and connect with each other. And remember,
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you're not going to get it right all the time.
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But if you're showing up, paying attention and loving them
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for who they are, you're doing a pretty great job.
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So that being said, I want to tell you guys,
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thanks for hanging out with me today. If you've got
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stories about raising kids with different personalities, I would definitely
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love to hear from you. You can send me a
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message at we Are the Hansens on our Facebook page,
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or you can send me an email at Werethehansen's Show
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at gmail dot com. And please go over to our
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YouTube channel and subscribe for me.