Jan. 28, 2025

We are the Hansons How I deal with Nepotism In The Schools

We are the Hansons How I deal with Nepotism In The Schools

How I deal with nepotism in schools when my kids are mistreated and the nepotism, we tackle a sensitive yet relatable topic for many parents: navigating the challenges of favortisim and unequal treatment in schools. Drawing from personal ecperiences, we discuss how we address situations where our kids have been mistreated or overlooked due to nepotism or bias. We'll share stragies for advocating for your children, fostering open communication with educators, and setting boundries when necessary to ensure fairness. It's a conversation about standing up for what's right while maintaining respect and teaching our kids resilience and self-advocacy.

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Welcome back to We Are the Hansens, the podcast where

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we talk about the joys and challenges.

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Of raising a large family.

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Managing daily chaos, and navigating life's twists and turns. Today,

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we're diving into the topic that has probably frustrated many

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parents out there, nepotism and favoritism in schools. When our

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kids are mistreated or overlooked because of these dynamics, it's

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not just.

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Frustrating, it's heartbreaking.

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I'll be sharing some personal experiences how we've handled these

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situations and strategies for advocating for our kids effectively without

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burning bridges the problem with nepotism in school. Let's start

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by unpacking what nepotism can look like in a school setting.

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It's not always blatant as we might think. It's often subtle,

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but it can deeply impact kids.

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It might be the coach.

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Who always puts their kid in, you know, the starting lineup,

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regardless of skill, or a teacher who gives treatment to

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children of staff members.

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That has been a big thing.

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In most of the schools my children have attended, and

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I can tell you it's very frustrating. It can even

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be favoritism towards certain families who are well known or

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influential in the community, and I've seen it with my

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own two eyes. These situations can leave other kids feeling ignored, unvalued,

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or even humiliated. I'm going to start off by telling

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you a story, actually a couple stories. First story, my

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boys have always been into football, and I watched my

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boys play hard, they get good grades, and I sit

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on the sidelines in the stands watching my children. My

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boys stand on the sideline or sit on a bench

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and not be able to play till the last two

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minutes of a game. Every kid on that field whose

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name was called over the loudspeaker for getting a touchdown

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or catching a pass or a tackle.

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Have all been big names.

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Whether it be a teacher's kid or somebody that's been

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a big part of the community. It is seen, and

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my children and me are not the only parents who

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have seen it. And it's very frustrating because I see

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my kids go out there working hard, probably harder than

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a lot of the kids that got to play, and

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they probably got better grades than the kids that were

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on the field. But because those kids had a name,

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they put my child on the sideline and let those

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kids play and to me, that is disrespectful and mistreatment

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because every child who goes out to play basketball, football, soccer, volleyball, cheer,

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they should all be able to be part of the game.

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To me, it's about a game and it's for every child.

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To the schools.

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On the other hand, it's about winning, and I'm sorry,

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but my kids can be just as much of that

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win as the kids on the field playing too. So

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I've always sat back and watched, and you know, I've

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made contact with the school, and my kids ended up

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dropping football and not rejoining because of that reason.

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They busted their butt.

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They were there at every practice, they were there at

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every weightlifting, they were there for everything, and they played

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their hearts out and they still got sat on a

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bench or stood on the sidelines. And then they put

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them in the last two minutes of the game and

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my boys are, you know, getting tackles, catching passes, making touchdowns,

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and they're still pushed to the side, and that infuriates

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me to the max. I'm going to tell you another story.

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My daughter Morgan decided she wanted to drop cheer and

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join foot. She wanted to play football with her older brother.

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So I told her, if you want to join. You're

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going to have to work hard. It's not going to

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be fun, but you know, I have faith that you

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could do it. So she decided to join in eighth grade,

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and she was joining for freshman year. She went to

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every weightlifting, every practice, and it was the end of

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the year and for eighth grade, all the football players

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were called down to the cafeteria at the middle school,

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and so my daughter went walking down there. The principal

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looked at my daughter and said, you need to go

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back to class.

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You're not in football.

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And my daughter said, well, I am. I've been going

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to every practice. I'm going to go for football. And

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she said, no, you need to go back to class. Well,

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she embarrassed my daughter in front of all the football players,

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and all of them football players stood up for my

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daughter and said, no, no, she really has been coming

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to every practice and weightlifting and everything, and she.

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Still sent my daughter back to class.

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Well, during class change, my daughter went to the bathroom

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and she sent me a text and she said, Mom,

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you know, Doc Rogers embarrassed me in front of all

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of these kids. And she was in tears over it.

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And I said, don't worry about it. I'll take care

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of it, so me at that point, you don't embarrass

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any child in front of other children. If you have

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something to say to that child, you pull them aside

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and take them away from that group of kids and

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speak to them by yourself. Don't make them stand out

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in the crowd because you think you can tell them

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what they can and can't be part of.

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So I called the school and.

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I got the Rogers on the phone and I asked

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her who the parent was and she said you, And

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I said, my daughter asked if she could join football

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and I told her she could.

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Well, I don't think that girls are.

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Allowed to join and I said, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,

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who are you to say if a female joins football?

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And she said that Misha, she didn't think would allow

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a female to join. And I said, hmm, that's funny

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because Kabul School has a female player and she's not

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been discriminated against in any way, shape or form because

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she's a girl and joined football.

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So what's the problem.

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She said, Well, I'll have to talk to my husband

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and I said, no, I know the rule. I've looked

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it up, and you overstepped your bounds by telling my

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daughter that she wasn't joining the football team. I said,

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you got five minutes to go find my daughter and

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apologize to her for embarrassing her in front of all

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of them boys, or I'm coming to the school.

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It wasn't.

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Maybe four minutes later and Morgan texts me from school

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and said, mom, Doc Rogers just came and pulled me

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out and apologized to me. Well, needless to say, at

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that point, Morgan was done. She did not want to

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go back. She did not want to see those boys

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again because that principle embarrassed her in front of all

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them kids. It made me so angry as a parent.

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You do not do that to any child, period. It

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was almost like she wanted Morgan to get picked on.

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She was so embarrassed about it. We'll needless to say,

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from that point on, Doc Rogers never questioned my children

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ever again, because she knew she was wrong. I don't

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take that lightly what she did, because that's when kids

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do stupid things because some ignorant teacher or principal or

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any staff at a school embarrassed them in front of

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other kids.

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They don't even want to go to school. You know, it's.

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Horrible, So needless to say, that's what happened there? The

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next story I'm going to tell you because this bothers

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me as well. Every time a child is sick, they

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get sent to the nurse. Well, one day, my thirteen

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year old had to go to the nurse because she

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was sick. She had thrown up, and they sent her

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to the office. So she goes in by the nurse

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and she said she wanted to call her mom, that

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she'd just thrown up and she wanted to go home.

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She didn't feel good. Well, this nurse tells her, I

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think you're okay. I don't think you need to call

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your mom. And Madison's like, no, I need to call

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my mom. I threw up, I don't feel good. I

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just want to go home and sleep, lay down, you know, rest.

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Well she what Madison called me. So I get the

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phone call. Madison said that she threw up and she

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wanted to come home. So I said, okay, I'll be

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there shortly to get you. I hang up the phone

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and I go to the school and mind you, when

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I get there, I go in check Mattie out. We

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get in the car and Madison just starts bawling her

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eyes out, like what in the world, why are you crying?

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And she said the school nurse told her that because

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she missed school for her tumor removal in her neck,

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she was out five days. She told her that she

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had already missed too much school for that, so she

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didn't really need to go home. She should have stuck

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it out. And that made me mad too, because I

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look at it like all of these kids with big

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names are traveling all over the place for rodeos or

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vacations or whatnot. How come they're not getting talked to

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about missing school. Madison had a doctor's excuse because she

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had an operation to have a tumor remove from her neck,

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so her absences were excused. There's no reason that nurse

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needed to bring up anything to her. So I told

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Madison I would deal with it. I called the school

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and I got the nurse on the phone, and I said,

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are you her parent? She said no, and I said, okay,

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I am the parent. And I told Madison that if

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she is ever feeling sick at school, she is always

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able to call me. There should be no questions asked.

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And as for you telling her that she can't call

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me and she should stay in school because she's already

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missed enough because of her surgery. That's a no no.

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If you have a problem with how many days my

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child has missed in school, you should be calling me

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her mom. And those school days that she missed were excused.

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I said, So, don't ever question when my child comes

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to you sick. Don't ever question her about calling her mom,

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because how would you like it if I made you

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stay in school and you were sick Like that's not acceptable.

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Not only is she sick, but she is going to

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give it to somebody else at school. And she apologized

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and said, well, I didn't mean it like that, And

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I said, well, you sure meant it some way because

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you made her cry. I told her, don't ever question

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my kids again ever, And needless to say, she ended

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up apologizing to me. But you're overstepping your bounds when

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it comes to my children, because my children don't miss

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a lot of school, so when they do miss, it's

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for a good reason, and most every time they miss,

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they always have a doctor's note. That being said, them

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are a few of my stories because I sit there

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and think of all these kids that get to go

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on vacations with their families, and they're gone for seven

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eight nine days, nothing ever is said to them, and

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then they'll come back to school for a couple of

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weeks and then they're gone again for a rodeo or something.

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How do them kids? And mind you, the kids I'm

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talking about, they have big names in the area, They

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are well known, very wealthy people, but nothing and most

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of it is the nieces or nephews of a school teacher.

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And to me, that's wrong.

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Just because they're your family doesn't mean that they can

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get away with it. What's good for them is good

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for the other children in that school period. A kid

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is a kid, So I'm not big into the public

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school system because of that, there is always favoritism and nepotism.

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Here's another story that I wanted to share because this

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opened my eyes too, favoritism in school. Madison had a

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science fair and we worked so hard on her project.

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I went to the science fair and she was so

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excited thinking she was gonna win something, even if it

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was third place, fourth place, whatever, she was for sure

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she was going to get something. And I'm sitting there

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listening to all the awards and then call the names.

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And I am not kidding you when I say this.

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Almost every child that received an award for first place,

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second place, third place, best project, just different awards. It

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was all the kids that were related to the teachers,

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the principals, daughter one, the nieces.

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And nephew's one. It's like, what in the world is happening.

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I told Maddie we left there.

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She said, Mom, I knew when they started calling names

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on the intercom telling who won and to come and

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get your ribbon and your award that I was not picked.

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And I said, that's okay.

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Them kids are going to be sorry when they get

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older because they were favored. And it just makes my

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kids stronger knowing and opening their eyes to see what me,

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as a parent see when I go to that stuff,

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so they'll be watching for that when their kids go

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to school. As parents, we want our kids to feel

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that hard work and fairness is rewarded, but when nepotism

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takes over, that message gets completely lost, completely lost. In

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our family of thirteen kids, you can imagine the number

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of school related issues we've encountered over the years. So

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there's so many stories that I could go into, but

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I will definitely save some of those for another day,

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just because there's too many. How I address the situation

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to my children is there's favoritism in every school. There's

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always certain kids that get picked and situations arise. My

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first instinct is to always protect my children, but over

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the years, I've learned that storming into the school and

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foam Mama bear mode doesn't always lead to the best outcomes.

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And not just because you know, I've had to deal

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with the school in different situations and didn't get anywhere

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because they don't listen, because they are part of the problem.

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They are one of the biggest parts of the problem.

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And I've had people reach out to me that have

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had kids in the same situation and they want me

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to call the school and say something. And I am

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that parent that I'm not going to sit back and

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keep my mouth shut. And I think that's why a

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lot of times I've gotten messages or phone calls asking

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me to be the one to call. I try and

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gather the facts, you know. I always talk to my

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kids first to fully understand what happened. Then I gather

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additional details as much as I can, sometimes even asking

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other parents if there was another kid around my child

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when the situation happened, ask the child's parents, like what

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did your kids see I've had parents reach out to

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me because their child has seen how my child was treated.

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That helps me approach the school with a clear understanding

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of what actually happened, so I can take it from there.

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I try to schedule a meeting with the teacher or something.

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They don't always schedule a meeting. Sometimes I just have

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to call and demand to talk to them. I try

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to go in calmly. I'm going to tell you a

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little story about one of my other children and how

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I handled it by going into the school. My son Tristan,

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had to use the restroom and he asked the teacher,

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and the teacher told him no, and he had to

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go now. He almost wet his pants and he was

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almost in tears because he had to go so bad.

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He waited, Thank God that the bell rang just in time,

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and he made it to the bathroom in time. He

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came home and he told me about this, and I

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was like, Okay, I'll deal with it tomorrow and we'll

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go from there. And I sat at home thinking do

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these teachers ask to use the bathroom? Because I've always

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told my kids, if you have to go, go, don't

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ever ask, because I do not want them teased if

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they wet their self or they have an accident in

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their pants.

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Period.

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Kids are mean these days, and I am not going

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to have my child picked on because of an accident

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because the teacher refused to let them use the bathroom.

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The next day came and I walked right into that

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school and I asked to speak with the principal and

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they said, she's not here. She's in a meeting, but

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she'll be back here in a little while. I said, okay,

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start walking out of the office door, and lo and behold,

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here comes the principal through the front door. And I

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stopped her and I said, I'm Maya Hansen, Tristan's mom,

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and I said, yesterday he asked to use the bathroom

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because he had to go. It was close to the

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end of class and he could not hold it. He

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was prancing around, almost in tears because he thought he

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was gonna wet his pants, and I saiden the teacher

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refused to let him go when he asked, and I said.

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Do your teachers have to ask to use the bathroom?

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And she said no, And I said, well, I'm going

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to tell you you better make sure every teacher here

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knows when my child has to go to the bathroom,

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because I know my kids don't mess around in the bathroom.

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When my child asked to use the bathroom, they should

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be let go. My kids are not problem children. They

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don't cause issues anywhere at school. I said, so make

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sure these teachers know if my child has to go

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to the bathroom. I have instructed my children to just

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get up and walk out of the classroom and go

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to the bathroom. My kids have always been scared to

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do that because they don't want to get in trouble,

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but it is necessary if they've already encountered a problem

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where the teacher refuses to let them use the bathroom.

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So my kids know now, if you have to go

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to the bathroom and you can't hold it, go, don't wait.

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So that is another little story about a teacher who

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00:22:26.759 --> 00:22:30.720
earlier on my son said she let one of the

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big name kids go to the bathroom, but she did

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not let him. They're supposed to go to the bathroom

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before every class, But how do you go to the

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bathroom before every class if you don't have to go

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to the bathroom. I mean, I couldn't just go in

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and sit on the toilet, and try and go pee.

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How do you do it?

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Sometimes it takes time to fill your bladder to have

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to go, So when you have.

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To go, you have to go.

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That's how came I was that day walking into that school.

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It was not easy for me because I do not

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like that. I know my kids don't cause problems in school.

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I've been told, your kids are so well behaved. I

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never have to deal with any problems with them. They're

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so polite. The school teachers and staff have told me this,

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So what's the problem.

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My kid is not going.

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To go into the school bathroom and be destructive or

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start problems. Now, when problems escalate, there have been times

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when a calm conversation didn't resolve the issue and I've

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had to go higher up, whether it's the principal or

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the school board or whatever. I'm going to tell you

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a story about that. So our son Peyton was in

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a class and the teacher had the fan going, and

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00:24:04.920 --> 00:24:08.640
somebody had passed gas in the classroom and the fan

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was blowing directly at our son Peyton, and Peyton got up.

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And shut it off so he didn't have to smell it.

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The teacher yelled at Peyton because he turned her fan off,

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and he explained to her why he shut it off.

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She accused him of passing gas and he said it

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wasn't me. And at this point, the teacher's going crazy

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and he is laughing at her because how crazy she

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is going because he turned her fan off. Well, she

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comes over and starts dousing Peyton with her perfume. Mind you,

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00:24:48.839 --> 00:24:55.200
the school states in their handbook that there is not

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to be any perfumes or sprays or anything brought to

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school because of asthma and allergies and stuff like that.

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So they're not to bring any of that to school,

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but the teachers can. So this teacher is dousing Peyton

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with perfume and he has asthma, and he's laughing at

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her because she's going psycho and he's trying to stop

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her from sprain. I'm telling her, please stop stop. She

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does not stop. So Peyton gets up out of his

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seat and walks the other direction away from her. As

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she's chasing him spraying him with her perfume. She told

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Peyton to go to the office that he was in trouble.

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Paytan's like, why am I in trouble? She said, because

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you were laughing at me and disrespecting me. So Peyton

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goes to the office and he gets a suspension because

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he's trying to stop this teacher from spraying him. He

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gets this suspension. He comes home, he tells us about it.

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I call the school.

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The principal refused to talk to me, so I had

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to talk to the vice principal. Vice principal gets on

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00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:13.440
the phone and I said, how come she can have

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spray at school, but in your handbook it says the

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kids are not allowed to have it because of asthma

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00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:23.759
and allergies and stuff like that. And he said, well,

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00:26:23.799 --> 00:26:27.079
she's a teacher. I said, it doesn't matter. She's spraying

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00:26:27.160 --> 00:26:33.079
a kid with her perfume that has asthma. That's not acceptable.

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She disrespected him, and she's claiming that our son disrespected her.

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There's a problem. She owes my son an apology. He said, well,

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miss Hanson, I can't make her apologize to Peyton. He said,

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I can talk to her about it, but I can't

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force her to apologize. I said, okay, that's good enough.

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I will deal with it when I see her outside

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00:26:58.200 --> 00:27:02.200
of school. So it was like four or five days

398
00:27:03.319 --> 00:27:07.599
and Peyton, me and Morgan go to Walmart and I

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00:27:07.640 --> 00:27:10.279
see this teacher standing at the back of her car

400
00:27:10.440 --> 00:27:15.759
putting groceries in her car, and I hurried up, parked,

401
00:27:15.960 --> 00:27:17.559
got out of the car, and I walked up to

402
00:27:17.599 --> 00:27:21.319
her and I said, you're the teacher that was spraying

403
00:27:21.400 --> 00:27:23.640
my son with your perfume at school the other day,

404
00:27:23.640 --> 00:27:26.480
weren't you? And she said excuse me, and I said,

405
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you know exactly what I'm talking about. I said, you

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00:27:29.640 --> 00:27:33.720
better never do that again, because you could have caused

407
00:27:33.799 --> 00:27:37.400
him to have an asthma attack. And you disrespected him.

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00:27:37.480 --> 00:27:41.119
And you claimed he disrespected you. I said, because he

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00:27:41.200 --> 00:27:43.319
shut the fan off because he didn't want to smell

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00:27:43.400 --> 00:27:47.480
somebody else's fart. And she was like panicking trying to

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get her stuff in her car. I said, I'm warning

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00:27:50.000 --> 00:27:52.720
you don't do it again, because I will see you

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00:27:53.519 --> 00:27:57.160
outside of school and me and you will have words again.

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00:27:57.680 --> 00:27:59.640
And I walked away and I just let her think

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00:27:59.680 --> 00:28:03.000
about it. I wanted her to know what she did

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00:28:03.039 --> 00:28:07.720
to our son was not acceptable. She's a grown adult.

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00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:12.720
She should know better. Needless to say, from that day forward,

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00:28:13.599 --> 00:28:16.440
not one of my children that had her as a

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00:28:16.440 --> 00:28:21.359
teacher had any issues with her after that. Sometimes you

420
00:28:21.440 --> 00:28:24.640
as a parent, have to stand your ground and not

421
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:29.640
let them push you around. And sometimes that's what it takes.

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00:28:30.720 --> 00:28:33.519
And I'm that mom. I try to teach my kids

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00:28:33.519 --> 00:28:37.960
to advocate for themselves, but when they're getting pushed to

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00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:42.559
the point that they're getting suspended, yeah, then it comes

425
00:28:42.599 --> 00:28:47.000
to mama bear. It's important to remember that schools are

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00:28:47.079 --> 00:28:52.880
often small communities with their own politics. Sometimes nepotism isn't

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00:28:52.920 --> 00:28:59.160
even intentional. It's just human nature for people to gravitate

428
00:28:59.240 --> 00:29:05.799
toward those they know. However, that does not make it acceptable,

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00:29:07.160 --> 00:29:11.279
not acceptable at all. I've also learned that part of

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00:29:11.279 --> 00:29:15.279
the solution lies in teaching our kids how to handle

431
00:29:15.319 --> 00:29:21.359
these disappointments. Life isn't always fair, and while it's hard

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00:29:21.400 --> 00:29:26.319
to watch our kids struggle, these moments can build resilience

433
00:29:26.480 --> 00:29:30.559
and character, and a lot of it advocating for fairness

434
00:29:30.599 --> 00:29:34.759
without burning bridges. One of the toughest parts of dealing

435
00:29:34.799 --> 00:29:39.480
with nepotism is trying to fix the problem without alienating

436
00:29:39.599 --> 00:29:45.359
people in the school community. Always stay professional. As tempting

437
00:29:45.680 --> 00:29:50.680
as it is to get emotional, keeping the conversation focused

438
00:29:50.720 --> 00:29:56.640
on fairness and policy makes your argument stronger. It's very

439
00:29:56.680 --> 00:29:57.160
hard for.

440
00:29:57.079 --> 00:29:57.920
Me to follow that.

441
00:29:58.079 --> 00:30:03.119
By the way, parents who have noticed the same issues

442
00:30:03.400 --> 00:30:09.559
can be great allies. A united front often has more

443
00:30:09.640 --> 00:30:14.440
impact than a single voice, and that's the truth. But

444
00:30:14.519 --> 00:30:18.480
sometimes it could backfire and you pick your battles. Not

445
00:30:18.720 --> 00:30:24.400
every situation is worth escalating. Sometimes the best move is

446
00:30:24.440 --> 00:30:27.799
to help your child focus on other opportunities rather than

447
00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:34.680
dwelling on the unfairness. I'm telling you, I have drilled

448
00:30:34.680 --> 00:30:37.119
that into my kids. Sometimes it's just not worth it.

449
00:30:37.599 --> 00:30:41.039
If they're mean to you. On the other hand, and

450
00:30:41.400 --> 00:30:45.359
you're scared to say something, I'm your mom. I'm supposed

451
00:30:45.400 --> 00:30:49.480
to be your voice as well, so if you don't

452
00:30:49.480 --> 00:30:53.359
have that voice, I will have that voice for you.

453
00:30:53.799 --> 00:30:56.759
With that being said, dealing with nepotism in schools is

454
00:30:56.799 --> 00:31:00.000
never easy, but as parents, our role is to add

455
00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:03.720
advocate for our kids while teaching them to navigate these

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00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:08.240
challenges with grace and determination. At the end of the day,

457
00:31:09.200 --> 00:31:13.200
our kids look to us for guidance on how to

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00:31:13.279 --> 00:31:19.799
handle adversity. If we approach these situations with integrity and persistence,

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00:31:21.039 --> 00:31:25.160
we can show them that while life isn't always fair,

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00:31:25.920 --> 00:31:29.599
they have the strength to rise above. Thanks for tuning in.

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00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:34.400
Thanks for tuning in to We are the Hansens. If

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00:31:34.440 --> 00:31:40.039
you had your own experience with nepotism in schools.

463
00:31:40.759 --> 00:31:42.480
Or you have any tips.

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00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:45.279
For handling these situations, I'd love to hear from you.

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00:31:46.559 --> 00:31:49.200
Feel free to send me a message on our Facebook

466
00:31:49.279 --> 00:31:54.039
page We are the Hansens, or send us an email

467
00:31:54.119 --> 00:32:00.039
at we are the Hansens Show at gmail dot com,

468
00:32:00.240 --> 00:32:03.960
and please go subscribe to our YouTube channel We are

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00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:07.279
the Hansoens. Thank you for listening and have a great day.