WEBVTT
1
00:00:14.759 --> 00:00:18.039
Welcome back to We Are the Hansens, the podcast where
2
00:00:18.079 --> 00:00:21.359
we talk about the joys and challenges.
3
00:00:20.879 --> 00:00:22.839
Of raising a large family.
4
00:00:23.039 --> 00:00:28.280
Managing daily chaos, and navigating life's twists and turns. Today,
5
00:00:28.280 --> 00:00:32.240
we're diving into the topic that has probably frustrated many
6
00:00:32.320 --> 00:00:38.119
parents out there, nepotism and favoritism in schools. When our
7
00:00:38.240 --> 00:00:42.960
kids are mistreated or overlooked because of these dynamics, it's
8
00:00:43.000 --> 00:00:43.600
not just.
9
00:00:43.719 --> 00:00:45.799
Frustrating, it's heartbreaking.
10
00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:51.320
I'll be sharing some personal experiences how we've handled these
11
00:00:51.359 --> 00:00:57.079
situations and strategies for advocating for our kids effectively without
12
00:00:57.119 --> 00:01:03.079
burning bridges the problem with nepotism in school. Let's start
13
00:01:03.159 --> 00:01:08.120
by unpacking what nepotism can look like in a school setting.
14
00:01:09.079 --> 00:01:14.680
It's not always blatant as we might think. It's often subtle,
15
00:01:15.599 --> 00:01:18.079
but it can deeply impact kids.
16
00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:21.359
It might be the coach.
17
00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:26.319
Who always puts their kid in, you know, the starting lineup,
18
00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:31.400
regardless of skill, or a teacher who gives treatment to
19
00:01:32.120 --> 00:01:33.439
children of staff members.
20
00:01:33.920 --> 00:01:35.519
That has been a big thing.
21
00:01:35.799 --> 00:01:39.359
In most of the schools my children have attended, and
22
00:01:39.760 --> 00:01:43.680
I can tell you it's very frustrating. It can even
23
00:01:43.719 --> 00:01:48.480
be favoritism towards certain families who are well known or
24
00:01:48.519 --> 00:01:52.560
influential in the community, and I've seen it with my
25
00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:59.560
own two eyes. These situations can leave other kids feeling ignored, unvalued,
26
00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:04.680
or even humiliated. I'm going to start off by telling
27
00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:10.439
you a story, actually a couple stories. First story, my
28
00:02:10.560 --> 00:02:17.520
boys have always been into football, and I watched my
29
00:02:17.599 --> 00:02:22.080
boys play hard, they get good grades, and I sit
30
00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:27.319
on the sidelines in the stands watching my children. My
31
00:02:27.439 --> 00:02:30.800
boys stand on the sideline or sit on a bench
32
00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:33.840
and not be able to play till the last two
33
00:02:33.919 --> 00:02:38.639
minutes of a game. Every kid on that field whose
34
00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:41.719
name was called over the loudspeaker for getting a touchdown
35
00:02:42.360 --> 00:02:45.719
or catching a pass or a tackle.
36
00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:49.439
Have all been big names.
37
00:02:50.159 --> 00:02:55.159
Whether it be a teacher's kid or somebody that's been
38
00:02:55.199 --> 00:03:00.280
a big part of the community. It is seen, and
39
00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:04.719
my children and me are not the only parents who
40
00:03:04.800 --> 00:03:08.960
have seen it. And it's very frustrating because I see
41
00:03:09.080 --> 00:03:13.479
my kids go out there working hard, probably harder than
42
00:03:13.759 --> 00:03:17.240
a lot of the kids that got to play, and
43
00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:20.240
they probably got better grades than the kids that were
44
00:03:20.240 --> 00:03:23.000
on the field. But because those kids had a name,
45
00:03:24.360 --> 00:03:28.479
they put my child on the sideline and let those
46
00:03:28.560 --> 00:03:34.960
kids play and to me, that is disrespectful and mistreatment
47
00:03:36.039 --> 00:03:44.800
because every child who goes out to play basketball, football, soccer, volleyball, cheer,
48
00:03:45.240 --> 00:03:48.960
they should all be able to be part of the game.
49
00:03:50.199 --> 00:03:54.080
To me, it's about a game and it's for every child.
50
00:03:54.800 --> 00:03:55.599
To the schools.
51
00:03:55.639 --> 00:04:01.439
On the other hand, it's about winning, and I'm sorry,
52
00:04:01.800 --> 00:04:04.360
but my kids can be just as much of that
53
00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:07.639
win as the kids on the field playing too. So
54
00:04:08.639 --> 00:04:12.919
I've always sat back and watched, and you know, I've
55
00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:16.160
made contact with the school, and my kids ended up
56
00:04:16.399 --> 00:04:20.720
dropping football and not rejoining because of that reason.
57
00:04:21.680 --> 00:04:22.920
They busted their butt.
58
00:04:23.040 --> 00:04:25.360
They were there at every practice, they were there at
59
00:04:25.399 --> 00:04:30.680
every weightlifting, they were there for everything, and they played
60
00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:34.399
their hearts out and they still got sat on a
61
00:04:34.399 --> 00:04:37.759
bench or stood on the sidelines. And then they put
62
00:04:37.800 --> 00:04:39.879
them in the last two minutes of the game and
63
00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:46.360
my boys are, you know, getting tackles, catching passes, making touchdowns,
64
00:04:46.879 --> 00:04:50.920
and they're still pushed to the side, and that infuriates
65
00:04:50.959 --> 00:04:55.160
me to the max. I'm going to tell you another story.
66
00:04:56.399 --> 00:04:59.519
My daughter Morgan decided she wanted to drop cheer and
67
00:04:59.560 --> 00:05:02.879
join foot. She wanted to play football with her older brother.
68
00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:06.040
So I told her, if you want to join. You're
69
00:05:06.079 --> 00:05:08.879
going to have to work hard. It's not going to
70
00:05:08.920 --> 00:05:12.720
be fun, but you know, I have faith that you
71
00:05:12.759 --> 00:05:18.079
could do it. So she decided to join in eighth grade,
72
00:05:18.879 --> 00:05:22.839
and she was joining for freshman year. She went to
73
00:05:22.879 --> 00:05:27.839
every weightlifting, every practice, and it was the end of
74
00:05:27.879 --> 00:05:31.959
the year and for eighth grade, all the football players
75
00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:35.800
were called down to the cafeteria at the middle school,
76
00:05:36.519 --> 00:05:40.680
and so my daughter went walking down there. The principal
77
00:05:40.759 --> 00:05:43.639
looked at my daughter and said, you need to go
78
00:05:43.680 --> 00:05:44.279
back to class.
79
00:05:44.319 --> 00:05:45.160
You're not in football.
80
00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:49.399
And my daughter said, well, I am. I've been going
81
00:05:49.399 --> 00:05:53.399
to every practice. I'm going to go for football. And
82
00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:56.800
she said, no, you need to go back to class. Well,
83
00:05:57.279 --> 00:06:01.759
she embarrassed my daughter in front of all the football players,
84
00:06:02.319 --> 00:06:04.720
and all of them football players stood up for my
85
00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:07.879
daughter and said, no, no, she really has been coming
86
00:06:07.879 --> 00:06:12.199
to every practice and weightlifting and everything, and she.
87
00:06:12.240 --> 00:06:14.040
Still sent my daughter back to class.
88
00:06:14.519 --> 00:06:17.639
Well, during class change, my daughter went to the bathroom
89
00:06:17.720 --> 00:06:20.600
and she sent me a text and she said, Mom,
90
00:06:21.480 --> 00:06:24.160
you know, Doc Rogers embarrassed me in front of all
91
00:06:24.279 --> 00:06:27.240
of these kids. And she was in tears over it.
92
00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:31.160
And I said, don't worry about it. I'll take care
93
00:06:31.160 --> 00:06:35.720
of it, so me at that point, you don't embarrass
94
00:06:36.040 --> 00:06:39.360
any child in front of other children. If you have
95
00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:42.600
something to say to that child, you pull them aside
96
00:06:43.240 --> 00:06:45.680
and take them away from that group of kids and
97
00:06:45.759 --> 00:06:49.959
speak to them by yourself. Don't make them stand out
98
00:06:49.959 --> 00:06:53.360
in the crowd because you think you can tell them
99
00:06:53.560 --> 00:06:55.199
what they can and can't be part of.
100
00:06:55.680 --> 00:06:57.759
So I called the school and.
101
00:06:58.279 --> 00:07:02.600
I got the Rogers on the phone and I asked
102
00:07:02.600 --> 00:07:07.160
her who the parent was and she said you, And
103
00:07:07.199 --> 00:07:11.720
I said, my daughter asked if she could join football
104
00:07:11.759 --> 00:07:13.360
and I told her she could.
105
00:07:14.199 --> 00:07:16.680
Well, I don't think that girls are.
106
00:07:16.560 --> 00:07:20.240
Allowed to join and I said, whoa, whoa, wait a minute,
107
00:07:20.560 --> 00:07:26.040
who are you to say if a female joins football?
108
00:07:26.120 --> 00:07:31.360
And she said that Misha, she didn't think would allow
109
00:07:31.519 --> 00:07:34.720
a female to join. And I said, hmm, that's funny
110
00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:42.360
because Kabul School has a female player and she's not
111
00:07:42.560 --> 00:07:45.399
been discriminated against in any way, shape or form because
112
00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:46.879
she's a girl and joined football.
113
00:07:48.199 --> 00:07:49.199
So what's the problem.
114
00:07:49.560 --> 00:07:52.360
She said, Well, I'll have to talk to my husband
115
00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:56.480
and I said, no, I know the rule. I've looked
116
00:07:56.480 --> 00:08:00.160
it up, and you overstepped your bounds by telling my
117
00:08:00.240 --> 00:08:04.920
daughter that she wasn't joining the football team. I said,
118
00:08:04.959 --> 00:08:08.800
you got five minutes to go find my daughter and
119
00:08:08.879 --> 00:08:12.519
apologize to her for embarrassing her in front of all
120
00:08:12.600 --> 00:08:15.639
of them boys, or I'm coming to the school.
121
00:08:16.759 --> 00:08:17.399
It wasn't.
122
00:08:17.439 --> 00:08:21.879
Maybe four minutes later and Morgan texts me from school
123
00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:25.399
and said, mom, Doc Rogers just came and pulled me
124
00:08:25.439 --> 00:08:28.680
out and apologized to me. Well, needless to say, at
125
00:08:28.720 --> 00:08:32.039
that point, Morgan was done. She did not want to
126
00:08:32.080 --> 00:08:33.919
go back. She did not want to see those boys
127
00:08:33.919 --> 00:08:38.799
again because that principle embarrassed her in front of all
128
00:08:38.879 --> 00:08:44.080
them kids. It made me so angry as a parent.
129
00:08:44.600 --> 00:08:50.519
You do not do that to any child, period. It
130
00:08:50.600 --> 00:08:52.919
was almost like she wanted Morgan to get picked on.
131
00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:58.200
She was so embarrassed about it. We'll needless to say,
132
00:08:58.440 --> 00:09:04.279
from that point on, Doc Rogers never questioned my children
133
00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:10.720
ever again, because she knew she was wrong. I don't
134
00:09:10.759 --> 00:09:16.200
take that lightly what she did, because that's when kids
135
00:09:16.519 --> 00:09:24.720
do stupid things because some ignorant teacher or principal or
136
00:09:24.759 --> 00:09:28.919
any staff at a school embarrassed them in front of
137
00:09:29.320 --> 00:09:30.080
other kids.
138
00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:34.480
They don't even want to go to school. You know, it's.
139
00:09:34.120 --> 00:09:38.960
Horrible, So needless to say, that's what happened there? The
140
00:09:39.120 --> 00:09:43.919
next story I'm going to tell you because this bothers
141
00:09:43.960 --> 00:09:49.480
me as well. Every time a child is sick, they
142
00:09:49.480 --> 00:09:53.840
get sent to the nurse. Well, one day, my thirteen
143
00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:55.799
year old had to go to the nurse because she
144
00:09:55.919 --> 00:09:59.240
was sick. She had thrown up, and they sent her
145
00:09:59.279 --> 00:10:02.919
to the office. So she goes in by the nurse
146
00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:06.679
and she said she wanted to call her mom, that
147
00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:09.120
she'd just thrown up and she wanted to go home.
148
00:10:09.279 --> 00:10:13.960
She didn't feel good. Well, this nurse tells her, I
149
00:10:13.960 --> 00:10:16.279
think you're okay. I don't think you need to call
150
00:10:16.320 --> 00:10:19.919
your mom. And Madison's like, no, I need to call
151
00:10:19.960 --> 00:10:21.720
my mom. I threw up, I don't feel good. I
152
00:10:21.799 --> 00:10:24.840
just want to go home and sleep, lay down, you know, rest.
153
00:10:25.679 --> 00:10:30.840
Well she what Madison called me. So I get the
154
00:10:30.879 --> 00:10:33.240
phone call. Madison said that she threw up and she
155
00:10:33.279 --> 00:10:35.919
wanted to come home. So I said, okay, I'll be
156
00:10:36.000 --> 00:10:39.000
there shortly to get you. I hang up the phone
157
00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:43.480
and I go to the school and mind you, when
158
00:10:43.519 --> 00:10:47.799
I get there, I go in check Mattie out. We
159
00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:51.039
get in the car and Madison just starts bawling her
160
00:10:51.080 --> 00:10:54.879
eyes out, like what in the world, why are you crying?
161
00:10:55.840 --> 00:11:01.039
And she said the school nurse told her that because
162
00:11:01.080 --> 00:11:06.120
she missed school for her tumor removal in her neck,
163
00:11:06.799 --> 00:11:10.840
she was out five days. She told her that she
164
00:11:10.919 --> 00:11:14.639
had already missed too much school for that, so she
165
00:11:14.679 --> 00:11:17.080
didn't really need to go home. She should have stuck
166
00:11:17.120 --> 00:11:20.039
it out. And that made me mad too, because I
167
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:23.440
look at it like all of these kids with big
168
00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:28.799
names are traveling all over the place for rodeos or
169
00:11:29.159 --> 00:11:33.519
vacations or whatnot. How come they're not getting talked to
170
00:11:33.799 --> 00:11:40.679
about missing school. Madison had a doctor's excuse because she
171
00:11:40.799 --> 00:11:44.919
had an operation to have a tumor remove from her neck,
172
00:11:45.440 --> 00:11:50.639
so her absences were excused. There's no reason that nurse
173
00:11:50.720 --> 00:11:53.759
needed to bring up anything to her. So I told
174
00:11:53.799 --> 00:11:56.919
Madison I would deal with it. I called the school
175
00:11:57.960 --> 00:12:01.399
and I got the nurse on the phone, and I said,
176
00:12:02.080 --> 00:12:07.799
are you her parent? She said no, and I said, okay,
177
00:12:08.679 --> 00:12:12.200
I am the parent. And I told Madison that if
178
00:12:12.200 --> 00:12:15.759
she is ever feeling sick at school, she is always
179
00:12:16.279 --> 00:12:19.840
able to call me. There should be no questions asked.
180
00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:25.200
And as for you telling her that she can't call
181
00:12:25.279 --> 00:12:27.960
me and she should stay in school because she's already
182
00:12:28.000 --> 00:12:32.080
missed enough because of her surgery. That's a no no.
183
00:12:33.480 --> 00:12:35.639
If you have a problem with how many days my
184
00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:39.159
child has missed in school, you should be calling me
185
00:12:39.799 --> 00:12:44.480
her mom. And those school days that she missed were excused.
186
00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:50.399
I said, So, don't ever question when my child comes
187
00:12:50.440 --> 00:12:55.240
to you sick. Don't ever question her about calling her mom,
188
00:12:56.519 --> 00:12:58.799
because how would you like it if I made you
189
00:12:58.879 --> 00:13:04.440
stay in school and you were sick Like that's not acceptable.
190
00:13:04.559 --> 00:13:06.759
Not only is she sick, but she is going to
191
00:13:06.759 --> 00:13:10.759
give it to somebody else at school. And she apologized
192
00:13:10.759 --> 00:13:12.519
and said, well, I didn't mean it like that, And
193
00:13:12.559 --> 00:13:15.519
I said, well, you sure meant it some way because
194
00:13:15.559 --> 00:13:18.639
you made her cry. I told her, don't ever question
195
00:13:18.759 --> 00:13:23.600
my kids again ever, And needless to say, she ended
196
00:13:23.639 --> 00:13:30.120
up apologizing to me. But you're overstepping your bounds when
197
00:13:30.120 --> 00:13:34.320
it comes to my children, because my children don't miss
198
00:13:34.320 --> 00:13:38.519
a lot of school, so when they do miss, it's
199
00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:42.600
for a good reason, and most every time they miss,
200
00:13:43.120 --> 00:13:47.720
they always have a doctor's note. That being said, them
201
00:13:47.720 --> 00:13:51.440
are a few of my stories because I sit there
202
00:13:51.480 --> 00:13:53.559
and think of all these kids that get to go
203
00:13:53.600 --> 00:13:58.679
on vacations with their families, and they're gone for seven
204
00:13:58.919 --> 00:14:03.440
eight nine days, nothing ever is said to them, and
205
00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:05.480
then they'll come back to school for a couple of
206
00:14:05.519 --> 00:14:10.279
weeks and then they're gone again for a rodeo or something.
207
00:14:10.799 --> 00:14:13.679
How do them kids? And mind you, the kids I'm
208
00:14:13.679 --> 00:14:18.360
talking about, they have big names in the area, They
209
00:14:18.360 --> 00:14:23.919
are well known, very wealthy people, but nothing and most
210
00:14:23.919 --> 00:14:29.279
of it is the nieces or nephews of a school teacher.
211
00:14:29.720 --> 00:14:31.320
And to me, that's wrong.
212
00:14:32.840 --> 00:14:36.200
Just because they're your family doesn't mean that they can
213
00:14:36.240 --> 00:14:39.240
get away with it. What's good for them is good
214
00:14:39.240 --> 00:14:42.799
for the other children in that school period. A kid
215
00:14:42.919 --> 00:14:46.600
is a kid, So I'm not big into the public
216
00:14:46.639 --> 00:14:51.519
school system because of that, there is always favoritism and nepotism.
217
00:14:52.480 --> 00:14:55.639
Here's another story that I wanted to share because this
218
00:14:55.840 --> 00:15:02.120
opened my eyes too, favoritism in school. Madison had a
219
00:15:02.240 --> 00:15:08.279
science fair and we worked so hard on her project.
220
00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:12.840
I went to the science fair and she was so
221
00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:16.519
excited thinking she was gonna win something, even if it
222
00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:20.840
was third place, fourth place, whatever, she was for sure
223
00:15:20.919 --> 00:15:23.240
she was going to get something. And I'm sitting there
224
00:15:23.360 --> 00:15:28.399
listening to all the awards and then call the names.
225
00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:31.440
And I am not kidding you when I say this.
226
00:15:32.120 --> 00:15:36.279
Almost every child that received an award for first place,
227
00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:42.639
second place, third place, best project, just different awards. It
228
00:15:42.679 --> 00:15:45.600
was all the kids that were related to the teachers,
229
00:15:47.159 --> 00:15:50.600
the principals, daughter one, the nieces.
230
00:15:50.200 --> 00:15:54.240
And nephew's one. It's like, what in the world is happening.
231
00:15:55.159 --> 00:15:56.600
I told Maddie we left there.
232
00:15:56.720 --> 00:15:59.759
She said, Mom, I knew when they started calling names
233
00:16:00.120 --> 00:16:03.440
on the intercom telling who won and to come and
234
00:16:03.480 --> 00:16:07.679
get your ribbon and your award that I was not picked.
235
00:16:08.039 --> 00:16:09.080
And I said, that's okay.
236
00:16:10.039 --> 00:16:14.799
Them kids are going to be sorry when they get
237
00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:19.840
older because they were favored. And it just makes my
238
00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:25.360
kids stronger knowing and opening their eyes to see what me,
239
00:16:25.399 --> 00:16:29.000
as a parent see when I go to that stuff,
240
00:16:29.600 --> 00:16:32.080
so they'll be watching for that when their kids go
241
00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:36.360
to school. As parents, we want our kids to feel
242
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:40.600
that hard work and fairness is rewarded, but when nepotism
243
00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:47.399
takes over, that message gets completely lost, completely lost. In