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Welcome ladies and gentlemen too. We are the Hansons.
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I think we all have went through if you've got kids,
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that first breakup or the heartbreak that comes with your
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adult kids learning that every relationship's not going to last forever.
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I'm your co host, Jeremy.
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Hanson and Maya Hanson that's my wife.
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You know.
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Because of recent things, we thought, hey, this might be
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a good time to release this show because it's always emotional.
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Whether it's your little boy, whether it's your little girl.
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And when I say that, I mean picking be in
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their twenties and you still feel like they're yours.
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I mean the baby, the little d.
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Right, Yeah, they're definitely are.
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Yeah, well, I mean it just do you get that feeling.
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I think from a dad's perspective, it's different than a
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mom's perspective.
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I really do believe that.
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But you know, I think I think number one thing
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is just being there for them.
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Yeah. I think being there for them and having them
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being able to vent or talk to you is a
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big thing.
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Yeah, And I think mothers may be better for that.
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I guess it's like creating a safe space.
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Right right, let them talk, let them do their things.
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You know, it's very hard as a dad not to
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be like, well I told you that, or what were
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you thinking? Or you know, but that's that's really at
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that point, the last thing they need.
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I think. I think it's pretty hard for a mom
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because especially if it's your daughter, because you see what
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she's going through and you just want to find the guy.
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Well, there is some truth in that.
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You know, we're not going to get into specific stories,
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but yes, there is some truth in that.
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I think there's differences.
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Like if they break up for whatever reason, you know,
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there's some nonchalant, regular breakup reason. I think there's something
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to that. But I also think that there's something different,
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whether there's you know, I know it's a boyfriend and girlfriend,
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but there's still such a thing as infidelity.
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There is. I also think that boys don't show the
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emotions like the girls do. Fact, so it's more heartbreaking
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because you see your daughter crying and the boys are
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just like hiding it even though you know they're hurt.
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Right, Yeah, it's the outward expression of whatever emotion they
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have in the moment. But you know, I think number one,
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you have to be emotionally available to them, even though
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that's hard sometimes and you have to while you're doing that,
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you also have to listen without judgment in the moment,
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you know, kind of let them express their feelings, don't
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interrupt them, and don't minimize their pain, even like you know,
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the sixteen year old first love breakups. You know, like
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people know that most of the time that's coming. Yeah,
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but when you're young, that's your whole world, that's everything
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at the moment. So do you ever find it hard
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not to minimize that when but when you know what's coming.
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I do, And you don't want to try and fix
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it because obviously they have to fix it on their own.
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They need to be the one to take that step.
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All you can do is guide them and hope to
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God that they take your advice.
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Well, you can try, but you know, I think it's
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I think it's important that especially if you're a parent
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that likes being there with your children, like being there,
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being there, and you're the one that gives them confidence,
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you're the one that you know, I think it's easy
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for them to fall in the trap of what's wrong
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with me and all that, and you don't I think
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you need to just say things like I know this
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really hurts, but I promise you give another day and
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tomorrow you'll be better, or it'll get better, or you know, it's.
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Okay to feel this way.
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It's it's okay as a parent to be empathetic even
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as minimal as you think, Like we've been together twenty
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some years, it'd be a little bit different if we
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broke up than if we had a eight month sweetheart romance,
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you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure, But you
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have to validate the things that they feel, you really do.
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And patience is something that I learned a lot about
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and I know with children in breakups or heartbreak. I mean,
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we've dealt with different types of heartbreak, but in this show,
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we're specifically talking about their relationships with other people. Yeah,
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you know, And I think it helps as a parent
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if you set expectations of what they think they should
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be treated like.
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Yeah, I also think like having them setting boundaries and
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encouraging them that they're worth something, and their worth is
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you know, they can move along and they don't have
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to jump into a new relationship right away. They can live,
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you know, happy regardless if they have somebody or not.
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There's always going to be somebody down the road.
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Right they should set boundaries.
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And I'm a big believer in setting standards, like you
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can avoid a lot of heartache if you have standards
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for the people you date.
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It.
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You have to be a good judge of character.
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You have to have standards on the way that you
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get treated, and you have to have self confidence to
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know when something's your fault or if it's not your fault,
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or even if it is your fault, if they overreacted
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those types of things.
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And I think with that is experience.
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Also, we've always told our kids too not to let
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their friends influence them in like staying with their girlfriends
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or you know, staying with their boyfriends or vice versas.
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You know, oh yeah, if your son's friend gets lighted
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by his girlfriend, he's gonna do it.
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You know, it's just the.
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Mamby pamby high school game of stuff like that, but
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it's specifically this. It's okay to hug your kid to
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you know, put your hand on their shoulder, you sit
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beside him and just listen.
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You know. I know my daughter here, boy.
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When when something like this happens, she usually cries little bit,
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cries on my shoulder, and then she'll tell me about
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what's going on.
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You just you have to kind of sit.
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There and you have to reassure them of how much
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value they bring because it's just devastating when this happens.
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So you got to reinstall that confidence, reinstall that, you know,
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making them self assured that you know, life will go on,
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and you know, you got to remember to tell their
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value is not defined by the relationship they're in.
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And they also you know, when you have a breakup,
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you don't have as many or you have more friends
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contacting you and being able to ask you to go
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places as opposed to when you're with somebody. Your friends
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think that your time is more important with your significant
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other as opposed to them, so they don't contact you
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and ask you to do stuff like they would if
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you didn't have a significant other.
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One hundred percent.
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A lot of times relationships mean ending friendships and that's
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that's just one of those life things that you have
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to learn to have a little bit of balance with.
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And I really don't know you can talk Terry blue
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in the face, but I really don't know if you
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can know that until you've been through that, because at
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the time, would you head over heels. All you want
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to do is be with that person.
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Yeah. And then so when you have this breakup situation
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and you are going through heartbreak, you as a parent
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or maybe your siblings should be providing comfort and distraction
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to your sister or brother right to keep their mind
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going away from that situation.
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I mean, I do feel like our family has an
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advantage because they're seven brothers. So if the girls have
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a bad breakup, you don't want to be the boyfriend
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that did it. Yeah, you know, I think you should
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try if you can, try to normalize what they're going
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through to a point like, don't make it about you,
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but it's okay to share stories of you know, your
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own breakups, your own heartbreak, to make them feel like,
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you know, other people have been there so they don't
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feel alone during that.
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Yeah. And I think that just being there, letting them
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conversate and get all that out, and you know, being
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able to go and hang out with their friends or
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you know whatnot keeping their mind occupied is going to help.
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Yeah.
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Hey, try not to say things like hey, you're going
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to get over it, or it wasn't real or you know,
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because it's all about perspective and it might be very
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real to them, and you got to remember their individuals.
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So you know, I have said that to my boys.
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I would never say you're going to get over this
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to my daughters. I would never say that to the boys.
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It's for me, it's a little bit different perspective. It's like,
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you know, go through this emotion, but realize you've got
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to get over this because life ain't easy and this
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ain't going to be easy. With the girls, I'm not
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so much like that, but I think that most of
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the time, you take two different perspectives because of the
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way that they think.
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Yeah, I mean, I've seen heartbreak in my boys and
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my girls, and the boys seem a lot stronger, and
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maybe it's just because they don't want to show their
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parents like yeah, I'm sad or whatever.
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But it's I think it's a logical thing versus an
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emotional thing. Like it's emotional for them, but they try
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to wade through their emotions or you know, decompartmentalize whatever
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they're going through logically, where I think the girls they
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think logically too, but not like guys. It's way more emotional.
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And it's with the guys. With the boys, excuse me,
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it's you know, I can't believe she would do that,
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but with the girls a lot more of the time
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it's what did I do wrong?
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Yeah, I have to agree about that.
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So you know, give your perspective, but make sure that
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you give your perspective gently and try, especially with the girls,
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try not to diminish their pain or diminish the feelings
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that they're feeling at the moment.
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Yeah, and you want to try and encourage them to
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set goals for their selves.
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Right, Yeah, I think goals is one thing. But also.
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In my life, when I have dealt with stuff like this,
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it always helped me. I would just go work, like
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I mean, you know that about me. If I ever
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have something on my mind, I work. While I'm working,
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I think about it.
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Yeah, and I I think that, you know, going to
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school or going to a job, if you don't have
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a distraction, you think about stuff more.
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I agree, you know, And it's a proven fact if
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if you're depressed or something like that, get up and
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go walk, do something physical, because if you want to
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change your mental state, change your.
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Physical state, right, Yeah, for sure, I.
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Think it's important also that and I don't think this
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is something you spring on the moment, like when they're
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in this breakup. But I think that as a parent
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you should be giving them creative outlets their whole time,
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whether it's you know, like you remember the little girls,
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like their best friend. You know, well we had to
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fight today. We're no longer best friends anymore.
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Yeah, you know, and to them that heartbreak at that age.
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So they should have something to do rather than just
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sit on their you know, iPad or play video games,
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write something, listen to something, go go do something. Yes,
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I'm a firm believer in physical activity. Get out and
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go do something because most of the time they don't
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want to, but that cycle of depression can set in
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unless you make them in it. It's your job as
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a parent to make sure that they are doing the
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best thing for them, and that you are doing the
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best thing for them. So sometimes you know, not being demanding,
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but hey, come on, let's go do this. Go take
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them for a walk, go shoot some hoops, go throw
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the football around, do something to take their mind off
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of it, or if they're not taking their mind off
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of it, to get them to think in a more
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constructive way.
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Yep.
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And we've always encouraged our kids. Independence.
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Yeah, for sure, independence, but even with independence, I mean
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when you're an independent person in a weird sort of way,
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the friend base that you have and the family that
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you have take on a larger role if you're independent,
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rather than if you're a nester or a you know,
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a complete networker where you're not independent. I think that