March 18, 2025
We Are The Hansons: Helping Your Kids Heal from Breakups
Breakups are tough—especially for kids. In this heartfelt episode of We Are The Hansons, we dive into the best ways to comfort, support, and guide your children through heartbreak. Whether it’s a first crush or a serious relationship, knowing how to validate their feelings, provide reassurance, and help them move forward is key. We share practical advice, emotional strategies, and personal stories to help parents navigate these challenging moments with love and understanding.
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Welcome ladies and gentlemen too. We are the Hansons.
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I think we all have went through if you've got kids,
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that first breakup or the heartbreak that comes with your
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adult kids learning that every relationship's not going to last forever.
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I'm your co host, Jeremy.
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Hanson and Maya Hanson that's my wife.
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You know.
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Because of recent things, we thought, hey, this might be
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a good time to release this show because it's always emotional.
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Whether it's your little boy, whether it's your little girl.
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And when I say that, I mean picking be in
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their twenties and you still feel like they're yours.
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I mean the baby, the little d.
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Right, Yeah, they're definitely are.
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Yeah, well, I mean it just do you get that feeling.
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I think from a dad's perspective, it's different than a
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mom's perspective.
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I really do believe that.
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But you know, I think I think number one thing
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is just being there for them.
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Yeah. I think being there for them and having them
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being able to vent or talk to you is a
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big thing.
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Yeah, And I think mothers may be better for that.
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I guess it's like creating a safe space.
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Right right, let them talk, let them do their things.
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You know, it's very hard as a dad not to
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be like, well I told you that, or what were
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you thinking? Or you know, but that's that's really at
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that point, the last thing they need.
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I think. I think it's pretty hard for a mom
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because especially if it's your daughter, because you see what
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she's going through and you just want to find the guy.
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Well, there is some truth in that.
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You know, we're not going to get into specific stories,
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but yes, there is some truth in that.
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I think there's differences.
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Like if they break up for whatever reason, you know,
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there's some nonchalant, regular breakup reason. I think there's something
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to that. But I also think that there's something different,
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whether there's you know, I know it's a boyfriend and girlfriend,
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but there's still such a thing as infidelity.
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There is. I also think that boys don't show the
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emotions like the girls do. Fact, so it's more heartbreaking
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because you see your daughter crying and the boys are
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just like hiding it even though you know they're hurt.
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Right, Yeah, it's the outward expression of whatever emotion they
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have in the moment. But you know, I think number one,
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you have to be emotionally available to them, even though
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that's hard sometimes and you have to while you're doing that,
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you also have to listen without judgment in the moment,
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you know, kind of let them express their feelings, don't
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interrupt them, and don't minimize their pain, even like you know,
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the sixteen year old first love breakups. You know, like
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people know that most of the time that's coming. Yeah,
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but when you're young, that's your whole world, that's everything
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at the moment. So do you ever find it hard
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not to minimize that when but when you know what's coming.
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I do, And you don't want to try and fix
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it because obviously they have to fix it on their own.
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They need to be the one to take that step.
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All you can do is guide them and hope to
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God that they take your advice.
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Well, you can try, but you know, I think it's
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I think it's important that especially if you're a parent
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that likes being there with your children, like being there,
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being there, and you're the one that gives them confidence,
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you're the one that you know, I think it's easy
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for them to fall in the trap of what's wrong
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with me and all that, and you don't I think
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you need to just say things like I know this
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really hurts, but I promise you give another day and
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tomorrow you'll be better, or it'll get better, or you know, it's.
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Okay to feel this way.
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It's it's okay as a parent to be empathetic even
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as minimal as you think, Like we've been together twenty
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some years, it'd be a little bit different if we
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broke up than if we had a eight month sweetheart romance,
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you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure, But you
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have to validate the things that they feel, you really do.
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And patience is something that I learned a lot about
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and I know with children in breakups or heartbreak. I mean,
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we've dealt with different types of heartbreak, but in this show,
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we're specifically talking about their relationships with other people. Yeah,
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you know, And I think it helps as a parent
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if you set expectations of what they think they should
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be treated like.
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Yeah, I also think like having them setting boundaries and
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encouraging them that they're worth something, and their worth is
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you know, they can move along and they don't have
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to jump into a new relationship right away. They can live,
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you know, happy regardless if they have somebody or not.
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There's always going to be somebody down the road.
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Right they should set boundaries.
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And I'm a big believer in setting standards, like you
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can avoid a lot of heartache if you have standards
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for the people you date.
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It.
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You have to be a good judge of character.
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You have to have standards on the way that you
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get treated, and you have to have self confidence to
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know when something's your fault or if it's not your fault,
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or even if it is your fault, if they overreacted
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those types of things.
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And I think with that is experience.
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Also, we've always told our kids too not to let
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their friends influence them in like staying with their girlfriends
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or you know, staying with their boyfriends or vice versas.
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You know, oh yeah, if your son's friend gets lighted
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by his girlfriend, he's gonna do it.
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You know, it's just the.
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Mamby pamby high school game of stuff like that, but
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it's specifically this. It's okay to hug your kid to
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you know, put your hand on their shoulder, you sit
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beside him and just listen.
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You know. I know my daughter here, boy.
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When when something like this happens, she usually cries little bit,
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cries on my shoulder, and then she'll tell me about
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what's going on.
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You just you have to kind of sit.
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There and you have to reassure them of how much
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value they bring because it's just devastating when this happens.
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So you got to reinstall that confidence, reinstall that, you know,
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making them self assured that you know, life will go on,
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and you know, you got to remember to tell their
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value is not defined by the relationship they're in.
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And they also you know, when you have a breakup,
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you don't have as many or you have more friends
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contacting you and being able to ask you to go
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places as opposed to when you're with somebody. Your friends
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think that your time is more important with your significant
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other as opposed to them, so they don't contact you
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and ask you to do stuff like they would if
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you didn't have a significant other.
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One hundred percent.
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A lot of times relationships mean ending friendships and that's
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that's just one of those life things that you have
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to learn to have a little bit of balance with.
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And I really don't know you can talk Terry blue
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in the face, but I really don't know if you
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can know that until you've been through that, because at
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the time, would you head over heels. All you want
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to do is be with that person.
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Yeah. And then so when you have this breakup situation
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and you are going through heartbreak, you as a parent
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or maybe your siblings should be providing comfort and distraction
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to your sister or brother right to keep their mind
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going away from that situation.
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I mean, I do feel like our family has an
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advantage because they're seven brothers. So if the girls have
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a bad breakup, you don't want to be the boyfriend
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that did it. Yeah, you know, I think you should
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try if you can, try to normalize what they're going
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through to a point like, don't make it about you,
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but it's okay to share stories of you know, your
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own breakups, your own heartbreak, to make them feel like,
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you know, other people have been there so they don't
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feel alone during that.
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Yeah. And I think that just being there, letting them
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conversate and get all that out, and you know, being
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able to go and hang out with their friends or
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you know whatnot keeping their mind occupied is going to help.
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Yeah.
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Hey, try not to say things like hey, you're going
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to get over it, or it wasn't real or you know,
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because it's all about perspective and it might be very
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real to them, and you got to remember their individuals.
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So you know, I have said that to my boys.
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I would never say you're going to get over this
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to my daughters. I would never say that to the boys.
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It's for me, it's a little bit different perspective. It's like,
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you know, go through this emotion, but realize you've got
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to get over this because life ain't easy and this
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ain't going to be easy. With the girls, I'm not
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so much like that, but I think that most of
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the time, you take two different perspectives because of the
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way that they think.
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Yeah, I mean, I've seen heartbreak in my boys and
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my girls, and the boys seem a lot stronger, and
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maybe it's just because they don't want to show their
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parents like yeah, I'm sad or whatever.
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But it's I think it's a logical thing versus an
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emotional thing. Like it's emotional for them, but they try
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to wade through their emotions or you know, decompartmentalize whatever
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they're going through logically, where I think the girls they
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think logically too, but not like guys. It's way more emotional.
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And it's with the guys. With the boys, excuse me,
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it's you know, I can't believe she would do that,
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but with the girls a lot more of the time
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it's what did I do wrong?
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Yeah, I have to agree about that.
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So you know, give your perspective, but make sure that
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you give your perspective gently and try, especially with the girls,
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try not to diminish their pain or diminish the feelings
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that they're feeling at the moment.
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Yeah, and you want to try and encourage them to
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set goals for their selves.
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Right, Yeah, I think goals is one thing. But also.
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In my life, when I have dealt with stuff like this,
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it always helped me. I would just go work, like
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I mean, you know that about me. If I ever
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have something on my mind, I work. While I'm working,
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I think about it.
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Yeah, and I I think that, you know, going to
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school or going to a job, if you don't have
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a distraction, you think about stuff more.
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I agree, you know, And it's a proven fact if
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if you're depressed or something like that, get up and
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go walk, do something physical, because if you want to
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change your mental state, change your.
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Physical state, right, Yeah, for sure, I.
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Think it's important also that and I don't think this
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is something you spring on the moment, like when they're
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in this breakup. But I think that as a parent
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you should be giving them creative outlets their whole time,
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whether it's you know, like you remember the little girls,
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like their best friend. You know, well we had to
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fight today. We're no longer best friends anymore.
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Yeah, you know, and to them that heartbreak at that age.
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So they should have something to do rather than just
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sit on their you know, iPad or play video games,
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write something, listen to something, go go do something. Yes,
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I'm a firm believer in physical activity. Get out and
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go do something because most of the time they don't
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want to, but that cycle of depression can set in
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unless you make them in it. It's your job as
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a parent to make sure that they are doing the
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best thing for them, and that you are doing the
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best thing for them. So sometimes you know, not being demanding,
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but hey, come on, let's go do this. Go take
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them for a walk, go shoot some hoops, go throw
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the football around, do something to take their mind off
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of it, or if they're not taking their mind off
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of it, to get them to think in a more
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constructive way.
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Yep.
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And we've always encouraged our kids. Independence.
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Yeah, for sure, independence, but even with independence, I mean
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when you're an independent person in a weird sort of way,
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the friend base that you have and the family that
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you have take on a larger role if you're independent,
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rather than if you're a nester or a you know,
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