March 18, 2025

We Are The Hansons: Helping Your Kids Heal from Breakups

We Are The Hansons: Helping Your Kids Heal from Breakups

Breakups are tough—especially for kids. In this heartfelt episode of We Are The Hansons, we dive into the best ways to comfort, support, and guide your children through heartbreak. Whether it’s a first crush or a serious relationship, knowing how to validate their feelings, provide reassurance, and help them move forward is key. We share practical advice, emotional strategies, and personal stories to help parents navigate these challenging moments with love and understanding.

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Welcome ladies and gentlemen too. We are the Hansons.

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I think we all have went through if you've got kids,

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that first breakup or the heartbreak that comes with your

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adult kids learning that every relationship's not going to last forever.

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I'm your co host, Jeremy.

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Hanson and Maya Hanson that's my wife.

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You know.

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Because of recent things, we thought, hey, this might be

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a good time to release this show because it's always emotional.

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Whether it's your little boy, whether it's your little girl.

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And when I say that, I mean picking be in

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their twenties and you still feel like they're yours.

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I mean the baby, the little d.

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Right, Yeah, they're definitely are.

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Yeah, well, I mean it just do you get that feeling.

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I think from a dad's perspective, it's different than a

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mom's perspective.

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I really do believe that.

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But you know, I think I think number one thing

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is just being there for them.

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Yeah. I think being there for them and having them

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being able to vent or talk to you is a

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big thing.

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Yeah, And I think mothers may be better for that.

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I guess it's like creating a safe space.

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Right right, let them talk, let them do their things.

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You know, it's very hard as a dad not to

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be like, well I told you that, or what were

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you thinking? Or you know, but that's that's really at

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that point, the last thing they need.

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I think. I think it's pretty hard for a mom

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because especially if it's your daughter, because you see what

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she's going through and you just want to find the guy.

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Well, there is some truth in that.

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You know, we're not going to get into specific stories,

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but yes, there is some truth in that.

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I think there's differences.

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Like if they break up for whatever reason, you know,

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there's some nonchalant, regular breakup reason. I think there's something

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to that. But I also think that there's something different,

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whether there's you know, I know it's a boyfriend and girlfriend,

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but there's still such a thing as infidelity.

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There is. I also think that boys don't show the

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emotions like the girls do. Fact, so it's more heartbreaking

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because you see your daughter crying and the boys are

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just like hiding it even though you know they're hurt.

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Right, Yeah, it's the outward expression of whatever emotion they

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have in the moment. But you know, I think number one,

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you have to be emotionally available to them, even though

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that's hard sometimes and you have to while you're doing that,

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you also have to listen without judgment in the moment,

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you know, kind of let them express their feelings, don't

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interrupt them, and don't minimize their pain, even like you know,

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the sixteen year old first love breakups. You know, like

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people know that most of the time that's coming. Yeah,

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but when you're young, that's your whole world, that's everything

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at the moment. So do you ever find it hard

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not to minimize that when but when you know what's coming.

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I do, And you don't want to try and fix

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it because obviously they have to fix it on their own.

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They need to be the one to take that step.

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All you can do is guide them and hope to

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God that they take your advice.

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Well, you can try, but you know, I think it's

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I think it's important that especially if you're a parent

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that likes being there with your children, like being there,

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being there, and you're the one that gives them confidence,

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you're the one that you know, I think it's easy

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for them to fall in the trap of what's wrong

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with me and all that, and you don't I think

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you need to just say things like I know this

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really hurts, but I promise you give another day and

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tomorrow you'll be better, or it'll get better, or you know, it's.

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Okay to feel this way.

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It's it's okay as a parent to be empathetic even

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as minimal as you think, Like we've been together twenty

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some years, it'd be a little bit different if we

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broke up than if we had a eight month sweetheart romance,

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you know what I mean? Yeah, for sure, But you

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have to validate the things that they feel, you really do.

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And patience is something that I learned a lot about

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and I know with children in breakups or heartbreak. I mean,

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we've dealt with different types of heartbreak, but in this show,

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we're specifically talking about their relationships with other people. Yeah,

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you know, And I think it helps as a parent

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if you set expectations of what they think they should

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be treated like.

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Yeah, I also think like having them setting boundaries and

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encouraging them that they're worth something, and their worth is

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you know, they can move along and they don't have

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to jump into a new relationship right away. They can live,

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you know, happy regardless if they have somebody or not.

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There's always going to be somebody down the road.

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Right they should set boundaries.

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And I'm a big believer in setting standards, like you

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can avoid a lot of heartache if you have standards

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for the people you date.

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It.

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You have to be a good judge of character.

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You have to have standards on the way that you

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get treated, and you have to have self confidence to

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know when something's your fault or if it's not your fault,

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or even if it is your fault, if they overreacted

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those types of things.

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And I think with that is experience.

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Also, we've always told our kids too not to let

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their friends influence them in like staying with their girlfriends

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or you know, staying with their boyfriends or vice versas.

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You know, oh yeah, if your son's friend gets lighted

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by his girlfriend, he's gonna do it.

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You know, it's just the.

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Mamby pamby high school game of stuff like that, but

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it's specifically this. It's okay to hug your kid to

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you know, put your hand on their shoulder, you sit

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beside him and just listen.

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You know. I know my daughter here, boy.

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When when something like this happens, she usually cries little bit,

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cries on my shoulder, and then she'll tell me about

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what's going on.

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You just you have to kind of sit.

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There and you have to reassure them of how much

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value they bring because it's just devastating when this happens.

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So you got to reinstall that confidence, reinstall that, you know,

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making them self assured that you know, life will go on,

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and you know, you got to remember to tell their

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value is not defined by the relationship they're in.

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And they also you know, when you have a breakup,

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you don't have as many or you have more friends

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contacting you and being able to ask you to go

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places as opposed to when you're with somebody. Your friends

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think that your time is more important with your significant

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other as opposed to them, so they don't contact you

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and ask you to do stuff like they would if

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you didn't have a significant other.

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One hundred percent.

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A lot of times relationships mean ending friendships and that's

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that's just one of those life things that you have

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to learn to have a little bit of balance with.

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And I really don't know you can talk Terry blue

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in the face, but I really don't know if you

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can know that until you've been through that, because at

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the time, would you head over heels. All you want

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to do is be with that person.

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Yeah. And then so when you have this breakup situation

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and you are going through heartbreak, you as a parent

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or maybe your siblings should be providing comfort and distraction

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to your sister or brother right to keep their mind

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going away from that situation.

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I mean, I do feel like our family has an

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advantage because they're seven brothers. So if the girls have

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a bad breakup, you don't want to be the boyfriend

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that did it. Yeah, you know, I think you should

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try if you can, try to normalize what they're going

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through to a point like, don't make it about you,

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but it's okay to share stories of you know, your

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own breakups, your own heartbreak, to make them feel like,

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you know, other people have been there so they don't

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feel alone during that.

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Yeah. And I think that just being there, letting them

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conversate and get all that out, and you know, being

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able to go and hang out with their friends or

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you know whatnot keeping their mind occupied is going to help.

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Yeah.

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Hey, try not to say things like hey, you're going

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to get over it, or it wasn't real or you know,

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because it's all about perspective and it might be very

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real to them, and you got to remember their individuals.

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So you know, I have said that to my boys.

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I would never say you're going to get over this

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to my daughters. I would never say that to the boys.

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It's for me, it's a little bit different perspective. It's like,

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you know, go through this emotion, but realize you've got

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to get over this because life ain't easy and this

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ain't going to be easy. With the girls, I'm not

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so much like that, but I think that most of

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the time, you take two different perspectives because of the

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way that they think.

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Yeah, I mean, I've seen heartbreak in my boys and

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my girls, and the boys seem a lot stronger, and

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maybe it's just because they don't want to show their

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parents like yeah, I'm sad or whatever.

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But it's I think it's a logical thing versus an

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emotional thing. Like it's emotional for them, but they try

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to wade through their emotions or you know, decompartmentalize whatever

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they're going through logically, where I think the girls they

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think logically too, but not like guys. It's way more emotional.

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And it's with the guys. With the boys, excuse me,

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it's you know, I can't believe she would do that,

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but with the girls a lot more of the time

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it's what did I do wrong?

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Yeah, I have to agree about that.

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So you know, give your perspective, but make sure that

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you give your perspective gently and try, especially with the girls,

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try not to diminish their pain or diminish the feelings

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that they're feeling at the moment.

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Yeah, and you want to try and encourage them to

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set goals for their selves.

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Right, Yeah, I think goals is one thing. But also.

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In my life, when I have dealt with stuff like this,

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it always helped me. I would just go work, like

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I mean, you know that about me. If I ever

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have something on my mind, I work. While I'm working,

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I think about it.

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Yeah, and I I think that, you know, going to

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school or going to a job, if you don't have

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a distraction, you think about stuff more.

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I agree, you know, And it's a proven fact if

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if you're depressed or something like that, get up and

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go walk, do something physical, because if you want to

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change your mental state, change your.

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Physical state, right, Yeah, for sure, I.

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Think it's important also that and I don't think this

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is something you spring on the moment, like when they're

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in this breakup. But I think that as a parent

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you should be giving them creative outlets their whole time,

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whether it's you know, like you remember the little girls,

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like their best friend. You know, well we had to

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fight today. We're no longer best friends anymore.

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Yeah, you know, and to them that heartbreak at that age.

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So they should have something to do rather than just

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sit on their you know, iPad or play video games,

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write something, listen to something, go go do something. Yes,

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I'm a firm believer in physical activity. Get out and

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go do something because most of the time they don't

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want to, but that cycle of depression can set in

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unless you make them in it. It's your job as

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a parent to make sure that they are doing the

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best thing for them, and that you are doing the

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best thing for them. So sometimes you know, not being demanding,

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but hey, come on, let's go do this. Go take

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them for a walk, go shoot some hoops, go throw

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the football around, do something to take their mind off

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of it, or if they're not taking their mind off

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of it, to get them to think in a more

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constructive way.

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Yep.

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And we've always encouraged our kids. Independence.

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Yeah, for sure, independence, but even with independence, I mean

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when you're an independent person in a weird sort of way,

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the friend base that you have and the family that

241
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you have take on a larger role if you're independent,

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rather than if you're a nester or a you know,

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a complete networker where you're not independent. I think that

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it may be more important as an independent person to

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have a strong backing, like a family resource or a

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good friend. Yeah, you know, I think it's so important,

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especially with dating today, that you set boundaries for social

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media exposure because the things that you see on there.

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You know, that's saying leave nothing of what you hear

250
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in half of what you see. I think that when

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they go and they see this stuff on social media,

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I think did that in relationships, it's almost like a

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death blow because nothing that you see on social media

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is real, and it creates unrealistic expectations of what you

255
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should have in your relationships, and I think sometimes it

256
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can set you up for heartbreak.

257
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Yeah, it definitely can such up for heartbreak, especially if

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you're going on there just to see what your ex

259
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or whatever is doing or.

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You know, right, I'm a pretty big believer in digital detoxing.

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You know, just get away from it for a while.

262
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Get your mind straight, go for a ride, go do something.

263
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It seems to me, especially in relationships, that that's very,

264
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very healthy, even with us. You take a break from

265
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social media for a little bit and you focus on

266
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each other, that can be a big help, even if

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it's just focusing on yourself.

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Or video games or whatever.

269
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Right, whatever it may be. I think telling and teaching

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your kids not to make rash decisions. Don't be impulsive,

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you know, don't send Don't send that text right away

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when you're angry. Don't make a call when you're angry.

273
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Don't put a post on. I mean, we're all guilty

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of it.

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Don't rush, but.

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Don't rush it. Think through things. You know, when you're

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emotionally charged, it tends not to be very good when

278
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you start sending text calls or social media posts.

279
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What do you think I have to agree because you

280
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want to make sure you're not going to say something

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you'll regret.

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Right, And you know, with kids and the expectations that

283
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they have going to school today or with relationships today,

284
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I don't think that they prioritize rest enough. I don't

285
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think that they prioritize nutrition enough. And there's nothing that

286
00:16:51.799 --> 00:16:54.600
will put a smile on your daughter's face after a

287
00:16:54.639 --> 00:16:56.840
breakup than eating some of the food that.

288
00:16:56.799 --> 00:16:59.559
She really likes, that's for sure, or.

289
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Just being around people that love her. Yeah, you know

290
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what I'm saying. Same with the boys.

291
00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:08.160
Yeah, but it's not as as much with the boys.

292
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No, the boys are much more to go do something.

293
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Yeah, the boys try to act tough.

294
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Well, I don't know if it's an act.

295
00:17:16.200 --> 00:17:20.680
Well, they they try to show toughness as opposed to

296
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you know, sadness, like they'll say, oh, she'll come back around,

297
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or there's always the next girl, you know.

298
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And they usually do.

299
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Yeah.

300
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I mean for them, that's been the case in our family.

301
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But I think that that's important, you know, getting enough rest,

302
00:17:38.519 --> 00:17:42.440
eating enough food and the right kind of food. You know,

303
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It's okay to sit together and have a movie night,

304
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a game night, you know, just family outings, just getting

305
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together with people.

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It's a description.

307
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It's a distraction for your mind and sometimes just that

308
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can create comfort for yourself.

309
00:17:58.039 --> 00:18:02.759
That and helping them build confidence again is a big thing,

310
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and it helps when you're building them up.

311
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Right, you know.

312
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I hate to say it, but it's the truth that

313
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these breakups and heartbreaks and things like that it's all

314
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part of growing, you know, whether it's your emotional growth,

315
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whether it's you becoming resilient.

316
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Here's the thing.

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You don't become resilient if everything is easy. You don't

318
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get emotional growth unless you go through the things that

319
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destroy things that make you stronger.

320
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You know.

321
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So, in a weird sort of way, it's part of

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the parent's job to make sure that they learn from

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their experience, you know, when they're ready, discuss what they've

324
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learned and what you've learned, and try to apply that

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to relationships.

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You know.

327
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I think that being able to teach them, I don't

328
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know it's a word, is Would coping strategies be the

329
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:09.240
right word? Yeah, you know, breathing exercises. I don't know

330
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if I would go that far. I think that our

331
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kids have enough emotional restraint that they're not uncontrollably breathing

332
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and stuff like that, but I've seen some kids that

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00:19:17.599 --> 00:19:21.359
that could be. I think that even under pressure, teaching

334
00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:25.319
them to be mindful of other people is important, and

335
00:19:25.400 --> 00:19:28.039
hopefully by the time they have these types of issues,

336
00:19:28.720 --> 00:19:33.240
they actually know techniques that help them relax, that help

337
00:19:33.319 --> 00:19:36.680
them think that. You know, meditation is probably too far,

338
00:19:37.319 --> 00:19:41.160
but actually put themselves in a position where they can think.

339
00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:44.519
Clearly, exercising is very good, right.

340
00:19:45.160 --> 00:19:48.880
And the other thing is through this whole time, you

341
00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:54.319
should be talking about things that get them excited, that

342
00:19:55.000 --> 00:19:58.039
help them have a little bit of hope. You know,

343
00:19:58.160 --> 00:20:01.519
kids today, I mean the mental health problems that kids

344
00:20:01.559 --> 00:20:03.720
have today. A lot of it are caused by the

345
00:20:03.759 --> 00:20:06.319
digital world, a lot of it is caused by not

346
00:20:06.359 --> 00:20:09.039
being purpose driven, and a lot of it is caused

347
00:20:09.519 --> 00:20:12.599
simply because they don't have hope or goals for tomorrow.

348
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:16.400
Yeah, you definitely need goals.

349
00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:17.799
Now.

350
00:20:17.839 --> 00:20:22.559
I've never had to deal with this per se and

351
00:20:23.000 --> 00:20:25.960
neither have you. But I think that it's important as

352
00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:31.559
a good parent to see the signs of depression or

353
00:20:31.759 --> 00:20:34.559
you know, prolonged sadness. Maybe you can't clinically say well,

354
00:20:34.599 --> 00:20:37.920
this is depression, but you should be able to have

355
00:20:38.000 --> 00:20:43.160
a spot that you're thinking about your kids about that

356
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:46.559
are they depressed and do they need to go see

357
00:20:46.559 --> 00:20:47.079
a doctor?

358
00:20:47.160 --> 00:20:47.440
Now.

359
00:20:48.039 --> 00:20:49.640
I am not one of these people that, oh, go

360
00:20:49.759 --> 00:20:51.759
put your kid on this drug, because I don't believe

361
00:20:51.759 --> 00:20:54.279
in that crap, because it doesn't work, and what is it?

362
00:20:54.359 --> 00:20:57.279
Forty seven percent of all children are on some sort

363
00:20:57.359 --> 00:21:03.160
of medication anti depressant in the United States. That's that's staggering.

364
00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:06.599
I don't believe in them. I have seen where they

365
00:21:06.640 --> 00:21:09.279
don't work in most cases. I'm sure in some cases

366
00:21:09.279 --> 00:21:13.279
they have, But are the ones that I have seen

367
00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:17.920
they haven't. If you see changes in eating, if you

368
00:21:17.960 --> 00:21:21.400
see weird changes in sleep, if you see like a

369
00:21:21.480 --> 00:21:25.000
complete withdrawal from social activities, maybe it's time to go

370
00:21:25.079 --> 00:21:28.759
seek help elsewhere, maybe a doctor, maybe a pastor maybe

371
00:21:29.000 --> 00:21:30.119
something like that.

372
00:21:30.480 --> 00:21:36.160
There is other ways to deal with depression rather than

373
00:21:37.000 --> 00:21:42.480
taking a medication, because to me, I think antidepressants make

374
00:21:42.559 --> 00:21:43.480
you more depressed.

375
00:21:44.039 --> 00:21:44.839
Right. You know.

376
00:21:45.079 --> 00:21:48.039
The thing is is mental health is real. It is

377
00:21:48.839 --> 00:21:52.599
so at some point, you know, and you should set

378
00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.759
that boundary with yourself about your child.

379
00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:58.519
You know, maybe counseling or maybe therapy. Maybe that's something

380
00:21:58.599 --> 00:22:01.200
they need. Maybe it isn't. I don't know.

381
00:22:01.240 --> 00:22:03.079
I can't tell you when to do it, and I've

382
00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:06.759
never personally got there. But I can tell you this

383
00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:12.759
as a father, as a parent, I as a husband

384
00:22:12.759 --> 00:22:16.759
for that matter, I have been put in situations where

385
00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:21.079
I feel helpless, especially with your wife and kids or

386
00:22:21.119 --> 00:22:24.359
your wife and girls, where you're like I don't know

387
00:22:24.400 --> 00:22:26.799
if I can fix this. My goal is to fix this.

388
00:22:26.960 --> 00:22:30.880
My goal is to take their pain away. But the

389
00:22:30.880 --> 00:22:34.000
best cure that I have found for that is consistency

390
00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:38.960
in being there, consistency showing them that you love them,

391
00:22:39.559 --> 00:22:43.079
and being the best support and confidence builder that your

392
00:22:43.160 --> 00:22:46.200
kids can have. I believe that's your job as a father.

393
00:22:47.279 --> 00:22:52.119
Yeah. I believe that just being there for your kids.

394
00:22:52.799 --> 00:22:56.359
And you know, when you start seeing a change in them,

395
00:22:56.759 --> 00:22:59.480
you take action as a parent right away. You don't

396
00:22:59.559 --> 00:23:02.799
let it slide for weeks or months on end. You

397
00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:05.720
take action right away and get on it before it

398
00:23:05.720 --> 00:23:06.359
gets worse.

399
00:23:07.000 --> 00:23:10.960
Right, And if you're a father like me, it is

400
00:23:11.160 --> 00:23:14.720
one hundred and ten thousand percent okay to go set

401
00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:19.359
boundaries with the people that your daughters want.

402
00:23:19.240 --> 00:23:20.920
To date or sons.

403
00:23:21.960 --> 00:23:23.160
Ah, that's the mom's job.

404
00:23:23.480 --> 00:23:26.640
Yeah, definitely got to set boundaries in both sens.

405
00:23:26.799 --> 00:23:30.119
I mean, and sometimes I'm not very nice. I've been

406
00:23:30.160 --> 00:23:33.400
to the point where i haven't been very nice because

407
00:23:33.400 --> 00:23:34.079
I'm not blind.

408
00:23:34.119 --> 00:23:35.839
I can see things.

409
00:23:36.119 --> 00:23:39.079
And I've been to the point where my daughter said, Dad,

410
00:23:39.119 --> 00:23:41.920
you embarrassed me so much. I didn't mean to embarrass her,

411
00:23:42.240 --> 00:23:45.200
but would I do it again? Absolutely, because I am

412
00:23:45.279 --> 00:23:47.960
protecting her from things that she doesn't even know that's

413
00:23:48.000 --> 00:23:50.640
out there. And I know you've done the same thing

414
00:23:50.680 --> 00:23:51.359
with our sons.

415
00:23:51.400 --> 00:23:52.559
I'm probably worse.

416
00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:57.960
It's it's just one of those things that in parenting

417
00:23:59.400 --> 00:24:02.880
sucks some times. As a father, it is your job

418
00:24:03.000 --> 00:24:03.880
to be the bad guy.

419
00:24:04.240 --> 00:24:06.559
And we always tell our kids we've gone through it.

420
00:24:06.720 --> 00:24:09.960
We know, you know, we're not just doing it out

421
00:24:10.000 --> 00:24:14.359
of anger spite. We've been there. Otherwise we wouldn't be

422
00:24:14.960 --> 00:24:16.880
protecting you like we do.

423
00:24:17.039 --> 00:24:19.799
Right, I mean, heartache's going to happen, you know, getting

424
00:24:19.880 --> 00:24:22.039
cheated on. I hope doesn't happen. But I think what

425
00:24:22.119 --> 00:24:24.440
about ninety nine percent of the kids out there are

426
00:24:24.440 --> 00:24:26.519
going to go through that at this time. Yeah, I

427
00:24:26.559 --> 00:24:30.079
think it's important to realize that ninety nine percent of

428
00:24:30.119 --> 00:24:33.359
the time when your kids are dating somebody, they're dating

429
00:24:33.400 --> 00:24:37.799
another kid. It's just one kid experiencing things with another kid.

430
00:24:38.160 --> 00:24:41.640
And heartbreak is going to happen for sure. Betrayal is

431
00:24:41.720 --> 00:24:45.039
going to happen. And this is a learning process and

432
00:24:45.079 --> 00:24:48.880
it's a growth process and just knowing who they are

433
00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:54.079
and spending time with them, creating and building confidence and

434
00:24:54.160 --> 00:24:57.359
having an open shoulder and open ears for them.

435
00:24:57.480 --> 00:24:59.799
I think is the best therapy that any kid could have.

436
00:25:00.200 --> 00:25:05.400
Yes, So, if you guys have any questions for us,

437
00:25:05.559 --> 00:25:07.920
you can send us a message on our We are

438
00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:12.160
the Hansen's Facebook page or send us an email on

439
00:25:12.519 --> 00:25:16.319
We Are the Hansen's Show at gmail dot com. And

440
00:25:16.640 --> 00:25:19.920
please go subscribe to our We are the Hanson's YouTube channel.

441
00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:22.519
Thank you very much for joining us today. This has

442
00:25:22.559 --> 00:25:36.960
been We Are the Hansens