Sept. 18, 2025
Raising Respectful Hearts: Teaching Our Kids Respect and Caring
In this heartfelt episode of We Are the Hansons, we open up about the ways we teach our kids the importance of respect and caring—both at home and out in the world. From simple daily routines to real-life examples, we share how our family works together to build kindness, empathy, and strong character. Respect and caring aren’t just lessons—they’re values that shape who our children become.
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You know that feeling when everything just stops, when one
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of your kids has just completely lost it, and you're
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standing there in the aftermath, thinking, this is it, this
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is the moment that matters. That's exactly what happened in
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my house last Tuesday. My daughter Torren had just snapped
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at her little sister over and I kid you, not
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a purple crayon, one purple cryan, and she slammed her
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bedroom door so hard I thought it might come off
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the hinges. But here's the thing about those moments, in
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that silence, you have a choice. You can storm in
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their angry and frustrated, or you can turn it into
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something bigger. So I did something different. I gathered all
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of my kids, yes, all of them, right there in
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the living room, and instead of lecturing them about door
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slamming and sister snapping, I asked them one simple question,
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how would you feel if someone treated you that way?
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The room went from chaos complete stillness, and in that
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stillness something beautiful happened.
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Reflection.
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I'm Maya Hansen, and this is my world where respect
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and caring aren't just nice ideas we talk about on Sundays.
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Their daily practice in the middle of real life, real mess,
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and real love. Today, I'm pulling back the curtain on
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what it actually looks like to raise kids who care,
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not perfect kids, the kids who choose kindness when.
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It matters most.
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When people here that I have thirteen kids, the first
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question is always how do you keep them from killing
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each other? And honestly, some days I wonder the same thing.
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But here's what I've learned.
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Siblings are actually perfect training ground for respects.
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Think about it.
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These kids can't escape each other. They share rooms, they
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share toys, They definitely share my attention, whether they want
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to or not. Last week, I'm watching my eight year
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old and my seven year old having this epic battle
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over who gets the front seat of the car, and
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my first instinct, my gut reaction, was just to say
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stop fighting and get in the car. Were already late,
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but something made me pause. I crouched down to their
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level and said, look at your sister's face. How do
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you think she feels right now? She got quiet for
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a second, really looked at her, and then said probably
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sad because she wanted the front seat too, And then,
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without me saying another word, he stepped back and said,
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you can have it today. That's when you know it's working,
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not when they're perfect, but when they choose to see
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each other. But here's the thing I've learned early on.
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Kids don't absorb respect from our lectures. They absorb it
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from watching us live it out. When I say please,
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when I ask my husband ass assault, when I say
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thank you for the little things, when I apologize to
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them when I mess up, and trust me, I mess
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up plenty. They see that respect isn't something you demand
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from other people. It's something you give freely, starting with
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the people closest to you. I have one sacred rule
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at our going table, and it has single handedly saved
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my sanity. Are you ready for this life changing wisdom?
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Who doesn't move unless you ask nicely? I know, I know,
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I sound ridiculously simple, But picture this, thirteen people around
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one table, everyone hungry, everyone wanting something at the exact
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same time.
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Without that rule, complete chaos. So if someone wants.
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The bread basket, they don't just grab it over three people.
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They have to say, could you please pass the bread?
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And then here's the kicker. They have to wait for
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a you're welcome before they move on. What's amazing, Even
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my littlest ones pick it up. My seven year old
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can even say please and it comes out great. But
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here's what I discovered along the way. Please and thank
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you aren't just polite words to teach our kids, to
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make them seem well mannered, their respect and action. When
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you say please, you're acknowledging that the other person has
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a choice. They could say no, they could ignore you,
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But you're asking anyway with kindness and thank you. That's
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you saying I see what you did for me. I
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notice your effort, and I value it. Even with something
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simple as passing the ketchup. You multiply that by every meal,
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every interaction, every small exchange. It builds something, this foundation
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where everyone matters, where everyone's contribution is seen and appreciated,
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even the seven year old with ketchup all over her face. Okay,
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confession time. I absolutely hated chores as a kid. They
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felt like punishment, like something my parents made me.
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Do just because they could.
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So when I started having kids, back when I thought
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i'd have maybe two or three, I was determined to
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flip that script entirely. I'll never forget this conversation I
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had with my fourteen year old. She's sitting at the
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cachen table, rumbling and rolling eyes through folding her little
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siblings laundry clastic teenage response. Right. So I sat down
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next to her and said, Madison, when you fold Horn's pajamas,
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what are you really doing? And oh the look she
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gave me, your teenagekeptism. I'm folding clothes, mom, obviously, but
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I kept going, You're making sure she has something clean
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and soft to wear to bed tonight. You're taking care
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of her before she even knows she needs it, taken
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care of something clicked. I could see it in her face,
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the shift from obligation to purpose. That's when I started
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calling them family care instead of tours. When eight year
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old Warren wipes down the kitchen counter, she's not cleaning
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up a mess. She's preparing a space for the next
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person who needs it. When Anelin vacuums the living room floor,
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she's creating a comfortable place for everyone to gather. When
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the boys take out trash, they're making sure our home
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stays a place we all want to be. It's respect
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and action, respect or your family or your home for
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the people who come after you. And you know what
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started happening. They began noticing each other's efforts. Thanks for
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cleaning the bathroom, Warren. The kitchen looks great, Madison. I
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love how you organized the playroom. Anna. Suddenly these tasks
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that used to feel like punishment became love languages, ways
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of saying I care about this family without saying a word.
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There's this moment that's permanently etched in my memory. I
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was at the grocery store with all the kids, which,
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let me tell you, is always an adventure that requires
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strategic planning and multiple player sessions. Our cashier looked exhausted,
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end of a double shift, exhausted. He was probably nineteen,
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maybe twenty, and you could just tell it had been
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one of those days. And without any prompting from me,
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none whatsoever, my eight year old torn looks right at
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her and says, I hope you have a really good day.
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That transformation on her face was instant. I went from
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going through the motion tired too, genuinely smiling, and then,
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like Domino's falling, all the kids started chiming in, thank
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you have a nice day. I really like your necklace.
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By the time we finished checkout, this exhausted young.
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Woman was beaming.
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But here's what hit me. As we walked to the car.
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I never told them to do that. They saw someone
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who needed kindness, and they just gave it because somewhere
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along the way they'd internalize this truth. Respect doesn't stop
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at your front door. It's something you carry everywhere you go.
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I see it when we're at restaurants and they automatically
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say please and thank you for our servers, when they
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hold the door open for elderly couples at the mall,
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when they let someone with fewer items go ahead of
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us at the checkout line. These aren't big, dramatic gestures.
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They're tiny moments. But tiny moments.
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Create ripple effects.
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That cashier probably went home and told someone about the
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sweet family who made her day better, and maybe that
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someone was having a rough day too, and hearing about
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my kid's kindness helped them choose kindness for the next
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person they encountered. That's how respect spreads, one small interaction
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at a time. In a house with thirteen kids, apologies
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are daily currencies. I mean, when you have that many personalities,
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that many strong wills, that many different needs all under
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one roof, conflicts happen a lot. But early on I
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realized that sorry, by itself wasn't enough. Kids can throw
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around sorry like confetti, quick meaningless, just to get out
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of trouble. So I taught them to be specific. Instead
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of just I'm sorry. They have to say what they're
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actually sorry for. I'm sorry I yelled at you when
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I was frustrated about my homework. I'm sorry I took
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your toy without asking. This is the part that really matters.
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I coached the other child on how to respond, not
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just it's okay, because sometimes it's not okay. But I
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forgive you. There's something powerful about those words. I forgive
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you means I'm choosing to let go of what you
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did wrong. I'm choosing to see you as more than
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your mistake. I remember when my fourteen year old accidentally
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broke her sister's favorite mug, not just any mug, the
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special mug one grandma had given her with a unicorn
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on it. Morgan was devastated, I mean tears, the whole thing,
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and Madison felt terrible. She came to me and said, Mom,
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how do I fix this? I can't glue a mug
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back to together. I said, you start with the truth.
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You tell Morgan exactly what happened. You tell her you're sorry,
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and you ask her to forgive you, then you figure
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out the rest together. So she did full honesty, full ownership,
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and Morgan, through her tears, said, I forgive you, Madison,
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but I'm still sad about my mug.
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And you know what that was? Okay.
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Forgiveness doesn't mean the hurt disappears immediately, but it means
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you're not going to let the hurt define your relationship.
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We ended up going on a special trip to find
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Morgan a new favorite mug. Madison used her allowance money.
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But more than that, we learn that when you hurt
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someone you love, you don't just say sorry. You do
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everything you can to make it right. Every family has
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their stories, those moments that get told and retold until
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they become part of your family's DNA. In our house,
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we're constantly collecting these stories of kindness and respect and honesty.
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They're more powerful than any lecture I could give. Like
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the time my daughter shared her lunch with a classmate
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who didn't have one. He came home that day and
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mentioned it so casually, Oh, Emma didn't have a lunch today,
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so I gave her half of mine. But when I
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dug a little deeper, I found out that Emma's family
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was going through a really tough time financially. Madison had
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figured this out on her own and had been sharing
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her lunch for three weeks without telling anyone. That night,
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at dinner, I told her story to the whole family,
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not to embarrass her, but to celebrate her.
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This is who we are.
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I told them, we're the family that makes sure no
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one goes hungry.
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And you know what happened the.
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Next week, several kids started packing extra snacks in their
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backpacks just in case they met someone who needed them.
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Or there's that story about my son Gavin standing up
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to a bully, not getting into a fight. That's not
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what I mean. But when he saw a kid kicking
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on a smaller boy on a field trip, Gavin walked
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over and said, hey, I want to play soccer with
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us instead. He didn't try to be a hero, He
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just gave everyone a better option. And that story gets
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told at our dinner table, gets passed down to the
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younger kids as an example of what courage actually looks like.
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Then there was a time our family was at the
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park and we saw an elderly man sitting alone on
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a bench, looking really lonely. Without any prompting for me,
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my eight year old Torren walked up to him and
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asked if he wanted to watch her go down the
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slide for the next hour, this man had a cheering
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section of one of Torren's performed increasingly elaborated slide tricks
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for him. When we left, he had tears in his eyes.
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He told me it was the first time someone had
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talked to him in weeks. These stories, they become part
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of who we are. When the kids face similar situations,
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they remember, Remember when Madison shared her lunch, Remember when
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Gavin included that kid, Remember when made that man smile.
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Lectures fade, but stories stick, and those stories shape how
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my kids see themselves, not as perfect people, but as
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people who choose kindness when it matters. Every time we
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retell these moments, we're saying, this is what our family.
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Values, This is who we are, this is what we do.
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Respect isn't about how we treat people, so that's obviously
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the big one. It's about how we treat everything around us,
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our pets, our belongings, our environment, even the small things
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that might seem insignificant. I learned this lesson from my
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kids Actually, we were at the park one day having
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a picnic and we were packing up. I watched my
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eight year old daughter pick up a piece of trash
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that wasn't even ours. When I asked her about it,
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he said, while someone else is going to use this
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park after us, I want them to think it's beautiful
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as we did.
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That's when it clicked for me.
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Respect is really about thinking beyond yourself. When we teach
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our kids to take care of their toys, we're not
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just preventing clutter. We're teaching them to value what they have.
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