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Hey, everyone, welcome back to We Are the Hands Ends.
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I am so glad you're here with me today, Whether
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you're folding laundry, driving to work, hiding in the pantry
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for five minutes of peace, or just soaking in some inspiration.
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Thank you for spending this time with me. Today's episode
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is one that's close to my heart, and it's something
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we're constantly working on in our home, teaching our kids'
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kindness and compassion. Now, when you have a big family
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like ours, there are a lot of personalities under one roof.
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There are days that feel like a beautiful dance of
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love and teamwork, and other days where it feels like
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wrestling matches for the last granola bar. But through it all,
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what we try to build into a very bones of
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our home is a spirit of kindness, empathy, and looking
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out for one another. Let me take you back a bit.
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When I first became a mom, I was young, and
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I remember thinking, I want my kids to be good
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humans for more than I want them to be anything else. Sure,
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I want them to be smart, successful, confident, But above
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all that, I want them to be kind. I want
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them to see someone hurting and offer a hand. I
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want them to think beyond themselves. I want them to
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be the kid who invites the new student to sit
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with them at lunch, the teen who stands up when
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someone's being bullied, and the adult who leads with heart.
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I think I've already accomplished that because one my daughter, Morgan,
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she was in a group in school called Stanford the Silent.
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That was a group that helps kids that are getting bullied.
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Anybody that's getting bullied can go to that person or
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one of the members of the group and ask them
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for help, and they will help. But that doesn't happen.
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None of this happens by accident. Your kids are taught
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kindness and compassion. Let me walk you through how we
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do that in our home, with some of the real stories,
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messy moments, and lots of trial and error. Modeling starts
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with us as parents. Kids are little mirrors, and in
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our home with thirteen little merors who it's houmb how
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fast they pick up what we say and do. If
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we want them to be kind, we have to show
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them kindness not just to them, but to each other,
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to the cashier, to the neighbor whose dog barks too much.
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Even when we're frustrated, especially when we're frustrated, I should say.
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I remember one time at the grocery store. One of
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the kids asked, why did you let that lady go
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in front of us when she had a whole cart
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and we just had milk? And I told them because
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she looked tired and maybe she's having a hard day.
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That moment stuck. Now I've caught our kids doing little
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acts like that without even telling them to. Correcting behavior
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with heart is another thing. Don't get me wrong. Our
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kids fight, they tease, they push each other's buttons like
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it's a sport sometimes, but when it crosses a line
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into unkindness, we don't just say sorry. We ask questions
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like how do you think that made your sister feel?
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Or what would you want someone to do if that
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happened to you, or how can you make this right?
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We want them to step into someone else's shoes. That's
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the heart of compassion, and sometimes that leads to the
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most honest, raw conversations, sometimes tears, and sometimes real apologies.
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Not just words, but a hug, a gesture, a change
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in behavior. I have seen this so much with my kids.
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My kids kids used to tease each other about being chunky,
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having big teeth. When I hear my kids tease one
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of their siblings about their teeth or being chunky or
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having a big head, I'm that parent that will say,
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we don't say that. That is not acceptable. That will
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not happen again. You apologize. And I'm also that parent
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that looks at my kids and said, if you say
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something harsh like that and something bad happens to that
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sister or brother after you say that, you're going to
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regret that for the rest of your life saying hurtful stuff.
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You don't ever want to say hurtful stuff to your siblings.
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My kids now see it. The little one's still kind
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to do it, but it's not as bad, but it's
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things that come out of their mouths. I also tell
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if you can't say nothing nice to somebody, don't say
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nothing at all, And I've caught my younger ones saying
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that to their siblings or friends. In a big family,
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it's easy for the loudest or most dramatic moments to
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get all the attention, but we make a point to
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catch them being kind and call it out. I saw
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the way you helped your brother with the homework. That
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was awesome. That is one thing I say a lot.
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I also say you were so patient with your sister today,
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Thank you. Here's another thing I say a lot is
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that was really mature of you to walk away from
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an argument that shows real strength. Kindness isn't always loud,
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so we make it loud by celebrating it. We also
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believe that compassion grows when kids get to step outside
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their bubble. We try to involve them in acts of service,
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whether that's helping a neighbor, donating their toys or even
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their outgrown clothes, or making cards for someone in the hospital.
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One time, we ended up giving a homeless woman some
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blankets because she came knocking on our door asking for food.
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Money she did say she would work for it. She
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also asked for blankets because they had nothing and they
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were cold, so we did donate blankets. We donated a
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bunch of the kids's toys that they had outgrown and clothes.
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So now when my kids outgrow some thing or don't
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want toys, that is the first thing they say is
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can we donate these to somebody that doesn't have a lot,
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Or can I give a little girl my clothes that
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don't fit us. We also talk a lot about feelings.
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We normalize them when they're sad. We don't rush to
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fix it. We sit with them, We validate, We use
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words like that must be really hard. And when someone
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else's upset, we ask, what do you think they need
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from you right now? Over the weekend, my little Anna
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had hit a very sad point. In the weekend, she
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asked me if she could call her grandma Darlene. It
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is her great grandma, but we don't call them great grandma,
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we just say grandma. And I look to her and
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I told her we couldn't call her because she's in
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heaven and heaven does not have a phone. And she
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was really upset and started crying, and I explained to her,
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I'm sorry, if we could call her, I would be
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letting you call her every day. And I just explained
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to her why we couldn't call her. It did help
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a little bit. She decided that she wanted to call
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her other grandma, so I made the phone call and
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let her talk to her other grandma. And then on Sunday,
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the same thing happened and she was crying and sad.
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So she went through an emotional weekend and I just
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hugged her and told her I loved her, Her sisters
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told her they loved her and that it was okay.
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And even though there's not a phone in heaven, she
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could still talk to Grandma Darlene, you know, just speak
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out loud and talk to her that way. Granted, she
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wouldn't get a response back, but at least she'd be
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able to tell her what she needed to or what
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she wanted to. And she ended up calling her grandpa
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on one of her other grandparents because she wanted to
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talk to Grandma Darlene and that was the next best thing.
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So we made sure that she was able to call
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her grandpa the next day. We role play situations before
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they happened, like what could you say if you see
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someone eating alone? This has happened with my children, especially
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at school. Every time somebody was eating alone, my kids
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would always either go and sit down with that person
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or ask that person to sit with them for lunch.
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My kids are very kind hearted children, and no matter
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what anybody else thought of that child that was sitting alone,
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my kids were one to step up and sit with
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that child. Another thing is how can you handle it
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if someone's being mean to your friend. My kids have
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always stuck up for their friends and kids that didn't
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have a voice of their own, which makes me proud
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as a parent. I always tell my kids you never
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ever bully anybody because you don't know what it's like
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in their home or what they're going through or their
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daily life. We don't know that, so you never ever
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bully somebody. I always have told my kids, if someone
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is picking on you, you have a right to defend yourself.
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If they put their hands on you, you need to
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stop it right then. So when they see somebody getting bullied,
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my kids are the first one to speak up. Always
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been that way. Another one is what if your friends
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having a rough day? How can you check in? You
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stop them and ask them how they're doing, and if
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they're all right, you can call them, you can video
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chat them. There are many ways to check in on
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your friends if you think something's happening, and my kids
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do that. My kids always check in on their friends.
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It's not about perfect responses. It's about giving them tools,
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giving them language, and making kindness a reflex And when
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they come home with stories, good or bad, we talk
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through them. We don't always solve it, but we always
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make space for it. If that makes sense. Here's the thing.
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Kindness isn't something you mass and move on from. It's
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a practice. It's a daily choice. And yes there are
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days we all get it wrong. I lose my patience,
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the kids slash out, we say things we regret. But
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even in those moments, we circle back to compassion. We apologize,
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we reconnect, We remind each other of who we are
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and who we want to be, and over time it
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shapes them and it shapes us. So to every parent
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listening who's wondering if the constant reminders, the endless conversations,
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the use kind words and try again moments are making
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a difference, They really are. It's slow work, but it's
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holy work, if that makes sense. In our family, kindness
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isn't a rule, it's a culture. It's how we live,
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it's how we love. Thanks for being here with me today.
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I'd love to hear how you're teaching kindness and compassion
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in your home too. Send me a message on our
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Facebook we are the Hansens, or drop me an email
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at We are the Hansen's Show at gmail dot com
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and please go subscribe to our We are the Hansen's
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YouTube channel. And if no one's told you today. You're
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doing a great job. Keep going, keep leading with love
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until next time. This is we are the Hansens. Take
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care of yourselves and each other.