Sept. 22, 2025
Helping Our Kids through School Struggles
In this heartfelt episode of We Are the Hansons, we open up about the real struggles kids face in school—and how parents can step in with encouragement, understanding, and proven techniques that truly make a difference. From late-night homework battles and tough mornings to small wins that build confidence, we share our family’s journey of walking beside our children through both challenges and triumphs.
You’ll hear practical ways to support learning, nurture resilience, and celebrate growth—even when grades or circumstances feel overwhelming. School isn’t just about academics; it’s about building character, emotional strength, and lifelong habits. Join us as we talk about the tears, the laughter, and the powerful lessons that come from helping kids through school struggles, one step at a time.
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Mom, I just can't do this. The words cut through
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the house like thunder on a quiet night, tears streaming
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a mass problem, sitting untouched, and frustration written all over
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their face. If you've been there, you know the struggle
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is real, and so is the love that carries us
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through it. Welcome to We are the Hansons. I'm your host,
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Maya Hanson, and today we're talking about something every parent
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will face at some point, helping our kids through school struggles,
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the meltdowns, the breakthroughs, the messy middle, and the joy
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when it all finally clicks. Before we dive in, I
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want you to know something. The scene I just painted
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that was Tuesday night at our house, my eight year
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old Anelin staring at long Division like it was written
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in ancient hieroglyphics, and me standing in the doorway feeling
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like I was feeling her because I couldn't magically make
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it make sense. But here's what I've learned about raising
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thirteen kids through countless homework battles, project meltdowns, and I
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hate school declarations. Sometimes the most important lessons happen when
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the textbooks are closed. From our big, beautiful, chaotic family
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to yours. This is we are the Hansens, where we
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get real about raising kids with heart, humor and a
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whole lot of grace. Schoolwork doesn't always happen on neat,
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color coded schedules. Sometimes it happens after sports practice when
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everyone's tired. Sometimes it happens in the middle of making
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dinner with kids crying in the background. In our home,
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I've seen the tears of frustration, the slammed pencils, and
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the whispered words I'm not smart enough. And in those moments,
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it's not about homework anymore. It's about heartwork. Let me
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paint you a picture of last month. It's seven pm.
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Dinner dishes are still on the counter because we had
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to stop everything. When nine year old Torn had a
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complete meltdown over her science project, the volcano she'd been
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working on for two weeks, it didn't erupt the way
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it was supposed to. She threw her safety goggles across
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the kitchen and declared that she was the worst scientist
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in the world. Now, Torn is the kid who can
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tell you everything about black holes and wants to be
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the astronaut. But in that moment, one failed volcano made
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her question everything about herself. I sat down with her
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right there in the kitchen where she'd slumped against the cabinet,
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and I said something that surprised even me. You know what,
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maybe it's not supposed to erupt today. She looked at
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me with those big, confused eyes, and I continued, Real
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scientists fail all the time. That's how we discover new things.
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What if this volcano was teaching us something we didn't
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expect to learn. We ended up spending the next hour
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not trying to fix the volcano, but documenting what went wrong.
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We took pictures, brote observations, even tested the failed mixture,
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which by the way, was incredibly salty and made us
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both laugh and tell our side. Her project ended up
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being about when experiments don't go as planned, a scientific journey.
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She got an A plus, But more importantly, she learned
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that failure isn't the opposite of success, it's part of it.
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That night taught me something profound. Sometimes our kids aren't
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struggling with subject matter. They're struggling with perfectionism, with fear,
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with the pressure of not getting everything right the first time.
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And that's not a school problem, that's a life skill.
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We need to help them navigate over the years, I've
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borrowed tools from teachers, counselors, and child development experts and
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blended them with a little big family chaos. Here's what
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worked for us. Big projects feel overwhelming, so we slice
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them into small, doable parts. Just two problems, just one paragraph.
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Small wines lead to big confidence. Let me tell you
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about my daughter Mattie's book report Saga eighth grade, and
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she had to read and report on a three hundred
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page novel. She took one look at that book and
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declared it was impossible. Instead of pushing her to power through,
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we made a deal. Five pages a day, that's it.
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We even set a timer fifteen minutes of reading, then
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a five minute break to tell me what happened. By
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day three, something magical happened. She wasn't reading past the timer.
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By week two she was taking the book to bed.
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That impossible book became her favorite story, and the report
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she wrote three pages when she only needed one. I'll
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say it looks like you're frustrated. Naming the emotion helps
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kids feel understood and less alone. Nick came in handy
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last winter. When my son Gavin was learning to drive,
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his parallel parking looked like abstract art, and he was
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getting more upset with each attempt. Instead of saying just
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keep trying or it's not that bad, I said, man,
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this looks really frustrating. Your brain knows where you want
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the car togo, but coordinating all these movements at once
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isn't cooperating. Yet he looked at me and said, yes,
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that's exactly it. Just having his feeling named and validated
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gave him the emotional space to keep going. We started
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practicing in empty parking lots, celebrating when he got within
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two feet of the curb. Instead of expecting perfection, I'm
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proud of how hard you tried. Goes further than good job.
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It teaches resilience. This one was hard for me to
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learn because I'm naturally results oriented, but I started noticing
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something when I shifted my praise. When I focused on effort,
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My kids were willing to try harder things, take bigger risks.
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My youngest still at home, Anlin, was terrified of showing
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her math work. She did race and rewrite the same
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problem five times, afraid of making a mistake. So I
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started praising the process. I love how you're thinking through
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each step, or look how you double check that answer.
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That's real mathematician thinking. Now she shows me her work proudly,
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mistakes and all, because she knows the thinking matters more
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than perfection. Sometimes the best way through is stepping away,
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a quick walk, a game of catch, even dancing in
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the kitchen resets their brain. Science backs this up, by
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the way, when we're frustrated, our brains literally can't access
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the problem. Solving areas effectively. Movement gets the blood flowing
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and helps reset our nervous system. We have a family
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rule now, if someone's been stuck on the same problem
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for more than ten minutes, we take a brain break.
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Sometimes it's jumping jacks by the kitchen counter. Sometimes it's
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a walk around the block. Last week it was an
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imprompt dance party to tailor swift. Annlin came back to
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our fractions after our dance session and solved three problems
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in a row. Movement is medicine for frustrated brains. This
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one's tough, but it keeps my voice steady. My kids
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are more likely to settle too. I'll be honest, this
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is my hardest one. When my kids melting down over
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homework at eight pm and I still have lunches to pack,
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laundry to fold, or emails to answer. Staying calm feels impossible,
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but I've learned that my energy is contagious. If I'm frantic,
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they feel frantic. If I'm calm, they can borrow my
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calm until they find their own. I have a little
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trick now, when things start escalating, I take three deep
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breaths out loud so that they can hear me doing it.
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Then I lower my voice and speak slower. It's amazing
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how quickly they mirror that energy. Last month, when torn
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was panicking about a test, instead of saying you should
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have studied earlier or just calm down, I said, Okay,
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let's breathe together first, then figure out a plan. We breathed,
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We made a plan. She felt supported instead of judge,
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and you know what, she passed that test. There are
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nights it feels like a storm, voices raising, frustration, swirling,
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and I've wondered am I helping or making it worse.
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Let me take you to one of our darkest homework moments.
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It was a Thursday night in October. My daughter Mattie
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had a research project due the next day, a project
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she'd known about for three weeks but somehow forgot until
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that evening. The whole house was tense. She was crying.
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I was fighting the urge to lecture her about procrastination.
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Her younger sister was asking for help with her homework,
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and we needed to get lunches made. I felt like
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I was failing everyone. Maddie was learning that Mom would
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always bail her out at the last minute. Her sister
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was learning that her needs came second to crisis management.
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I was teaching them that chaos was normal, that planning
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didn't matter. But what I've learned is this struggle is
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part of learning. It's not proof of failure. It's proof
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that growth is happening. So I stopped right in the
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middle of the chaos. I stopped trying to fix everything.
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I sat down at the kitchen table and said, Maddie,
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this feels overwhelming for both of us right now. Let's
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take a breath and figure out what's really important. We
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looked at what she had to do and broke it
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into the smallest possible pieces, not perfect pieces, manageable pieces.
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She wasn't going to write the best research project in
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eighth grade history that night, but she was going to
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turn in something she could be proud of and more importantly,
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she was going to learn something about herself in the process.
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So I sat close, put my hand on her shoulder
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and said, I'm right here. We'll figure this out together.
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That moment, more than the right answer, is what they'll remember.
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We stayed up until ten pm that night, past everyone's bedtime,
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but Maddie learned that even when she messes up, her
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family doesn't abandon her. She learned that good enough is
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sometimes exactly enough, and she learned that asking for help
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is in failure, it's wisdom. The project wasn't perfect, but
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it was hers and she was proud of it. And
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the next project, she started it the day it was assigned.
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Sometimes the most important lessons happen in the struggle, not
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in spite of it. Here's something I wish someone had
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told me earlier. Every kid learns differently, and that's a
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bug in the system. It's a feature. With thirteen kids,
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I've seen every learning style imaginable. My older kids, like
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Logan and Courtney, are visual learners. Show them a diagram,
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a chart, a color coded system, and they're golden. But
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ask them to listen to instruction without seeing them forget it.
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My daughter, Torrine, learns through hands on. She can't understand
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fractions until she's physically cutting up pizza or pie. She
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can't grasp history until she's building a model of a
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medieval castle with a cardboard box and ductate. Aneline, our youngest,
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needs to talk through everything. She doesn't know what she
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thinks until she hears herself say it out loud. Homework
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time with Aneline sounds like a constant conversation, and that's
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exactly what she needs. And then there's Maddie, who needs
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zero distractions. She does her homework with noise canceling headphones
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and emerges in our later with everything perfectly completed. For years,
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I've tried to make them all learn the same way,
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the way I learned or the way they're school taught.
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But when I started paying attention to how each child's
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brain worked, everything changed. We created different homework spaces for
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their needs. The older kids who've moved out learned the
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system and took them to college and their careers. Maddie
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has a desk covered with all of her stuff she needs.
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Torn has a desk where she can spread out and
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build things. Anlin she has her desk and a lot
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of times they used the kitchen table, same family, same support,
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completely different approaches, and it works because we're not trying
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to force square pegs into round holes anymore. The breakthrough
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came when I realized that accommodating their learning style wasn't
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lowering expectations, it was raising them. When kids can access
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learning in their own way, they actually achieved more, not less.
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Sometimes despite our best efforts, we need to back up,
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and recognizing when to seek help isn't giving up, it's
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stepping up. Last year, I noticed that Anneline was struggling
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with reading in a way that seemed different from normal
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learning challenges. She was working twice as hard as her
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siblings for half the results, and it was breaking her spirit.
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The teacher kept saying, she just needs to try harder
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or focus more. But I knew Anlin, this kid could
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focus on marine biology documentaries for hours straight. Focus wasn't
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the issue. We had her evaluated for learning differences. Turns
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out one she had dyslexia, not just a learning disability,
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a learning difference. Her brain processes text in its own
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beautiful way, and once we understood that we could work
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with it instead of against it. Now she uses some
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audiobooks while following along in text, she has colored overlays
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that make words stay still on the page. She dictates
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some of her writing assignments instead of struggling to get
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her brilliant ideas down on paper. Her confidence came flooding back,
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and she realized she wasn't broken, she was just different.
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And different we learned can be absolutely wonderful. If your
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child is consistently struggling despite good support at home, if
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they're starting to hate learning, if their self esteem is suffering,
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don't wait talk to their teacher, talk to the school counselor.
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Sometimes kids need occupational therapy, speech therapy, or learning specialists.
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Sometimes they need different teaching methods or accommodations. Getting help
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is an admitting defeat. It's advocating for your child, and
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that's one of the most important things we can teach them.
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When you need help, you ask for it and then
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comes to breakthrough. That first correct answer after a long night,
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the teachers note saying they're improving, the smile that spreads
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across their face when they realize they can do it.
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Those wins, they're worth every tear because they remind our
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kids and us that the struggle was never wasted. It
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built character, It built grit, It built connection. Three weeks ago,
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Aneline ran into the house after school with her math
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test in her hand. Not an A plus a solid B,
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but the look on her face pure gold. Mom, I
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understood every single problem, even the hard ones. She didn't
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just pass that test. She conquered her own doubt. She
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proved to herself that her persistence pays off. She learned
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she could trust her own brain to figure things out.
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Torren's volcano project is still sitting on our kitchen counter
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two months later, not because we forgot to throw it away,
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