WEBVTT
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Hey, everyone, welcome back to We are the Hands, and
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today we're diving into a big topic that every family
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eventually faces. What happens when siblings grow up and move out. Now,
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in a family as big as ours, this is something
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we've had to navigate more than once, and honestly, it
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never really gets easier. There's this mix of pride, sadness, excitement,
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and sometimes even a little chaos. So today I want
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to share my thoughts on how our family has handled it,
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how it's impacted our kids, and some of the things
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we've learned along the way. When you have a full house,
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you get used to the noise, you know, the energy,
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just the general presence of everyone around, and then suddenly
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one of them is gone, whether they're leaving for college, work,
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or just to start their own life, that first empty
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room feels like a punch to the gut. For our
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younger siblings, it's a huge adjustment. They've spent their whole
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lives looking up to their older brothers and sisters now
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that that person isn't there. Every day I've seen my
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kids go through this. Sometimes they're excited for their siblings
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to be moving, sometimes they feel left behind, and sometimes
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they don't know how to process it all. For us
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as parents, it's weird. It's that weird mix of emotions too.
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On one hand, you want them to grow up and
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become independent and chase their dreams, but on the other hand,
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there's this quiet little ache because it's the end of
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an era. One of the biggest things we've tried to
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do is make sure our family stays close even after
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someone moves out. We try to still continue get togethers.
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We try to still do things as a family with
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all of us, and you know, life gets busy, but
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we courage the phone calls, video chats and visits whenever possible,
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just because we want that connection with our children, and
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we want our children to be connected to each other.
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A lot of people assume that once a kid moves out,
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they're gone, but that's not really true. If you've built
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a strong family foundation, they're still part of the fabric
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that is at home. It's just it's different in a way.
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Is pretty much what it is. We've had to learn
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to be intentional about keeping the connection. Sometimes that means,
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you know, having group chats that never stop buzzing. Sometimes
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it's planning family nights when they all come back home,
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or we all meet at one of their houses, and
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sometimes it's just making sure that they know that no
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matter how far they go, they always have a home
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with us. I want my kids to feel that because
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them knowing that our home is always open and they
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can always come back to visit. Even if they needed
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a place to stay, our door would always be open.
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This is home, this is where they were raised. It
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makes them feel comfortable and wanted knowing that they have
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that if they need it. I think the younger kids
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have the hardest time with it. Like you know, one
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day their older sibling is there to help with homework,
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to argue over the remo out, or just to be
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a constant part of their life. The next day they're
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packing up their things and moving on. You know, they
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see that and it does take a toll on them.
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I remember one of my kids struggling when the older
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sibling left, and still to this day. In fact, my
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daughter Madison, you know, she's she's kind of emotional when
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it comes to her siblings leaving, especially ones that she's
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close to. I would say Madison and Gavin have become
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really close this year, closer than they used to be,
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and Gavin will be moving out in May after he graduates.
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And Madison came in the other night and I thought
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she was just coming in to give me a hug
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a night, and when she lay down to hug me,
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she's making this noise. I could tell that she was crying.
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And I said, what's wrong? And she said, I don't
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want Gavin to move out. And I was like, Maddie,
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he's not going to be that far away, you know,
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and he's got tell May. I mean, he graduates and
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he's already moving. It's not like we're never going to
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see him again. You can either go there every weekend
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or every other weekend as long as we don't have
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stuff going on, or he can come see us. It's
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not like we're that far away and it's not like
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we're never going to see him again. And she said,
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but me and Gavin just started getting close this year,
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and I'm not going to see him as much. I'm like,
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you will see him, honey. You know, when kids grow
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up and move out, we as parents are sad, but
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we also want to see them start their own life
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and their own journey and see what we've taught them,
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how they use that and how you know, they raise
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their own family. It's hard for you to tell your
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younger kids that because they don't care about what their
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siblings are going to do for work or anything like that.
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They just want to be able to see them every
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single day and know that they're going to be coming
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through that door at night or they get done with work.
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So that's a big struggle for my Madison, and I
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know the other kids are sad too, but I think
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it's just when you become close to somebody. Even though
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all our kids are pretty clear, you always have that
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one sibling that you're closer to, and Madison is closer
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to Gavin now. And then I remember, like when Morgan
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moved out to go to college. The kids were really
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sad then too, Why does Morgan have to leave? And
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it was mostly the littler ones because they didn't understand
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that when you hit an age and you start living
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your own life, you want your own space, you want
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your own privacy moving out and starting your own life
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and your own journeys. They don't understand that. They just
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want them to be present all the time. It was
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still a struggle, but you know, they get used to it.
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It does take time, and they always ask questions like
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when is Morgan coming home? Or when are we ever
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going to see Colin? Or are keenan interest in coming
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over today? Or you know, it's always that constant question,
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and eventually it starts to fade because they see them
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coming over and they see them constantly and then they realize, oh,
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so they are we are going to see them and
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they will be over more and stuff like that. So
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it does get easier, especially if you can see your kids.
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Our kids in Wisconsin we don't get to see very often.
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We do call them, video chat them, but it's definitely
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not the same. We make sure the kids can talk
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to them. We reassure them that their bigger brother or
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their bigger sister still loves them, and we involve them
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in things like video chats and you want to call them,
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you you can call them stuff like that. So that
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does make it a lot easier. You know, this part
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is hard. When they're little. You're involved in everything as
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a parent, from what they eat to what they wear
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or how they spend their days, and then suddenly they're
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making big life choices on their own and for me
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as a parent, I try and give advice and make
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sure i'm leading them in the right path. And we
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can give our kids advice daily. It doesn't mean they're
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going to take our advice. We hope they do, and
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for the most part, I think our kids are pretty
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good about taking me and their dad's advice, but they
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also want to adventure and see on their own. So
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regardless if we give them the advice and we hope
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they take it, it's up to them to make that step
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and move to do what they feel is best for them.
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I've had to remind myself that my job isn't to
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control their life, but to support them as they figure
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things out. That doesn't mean I don't worry or that
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I don't have my opinions. I definitely do, but it
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does mean I have to trust that we as parents
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raise them well enough to make good choices. And you
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know what seeing them thrive out there in the world is,
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you know, one of the best feelings that I feel,
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even though we miss them like crazy, there's nothing like
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watching them step into adulthood with confidence. And sometimes I
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think to myself, as they grow up, you can tell
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which ones are going to not mess around and take
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things as a joke. Moving out into adulthood and which
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ones are going to be serious and following your footsteps.
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As parents, you hope and pray that they make the
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best choices and stuff and take your advice, but they
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do have to learn on their own. We can only
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hope that they listened. You know. As parents, me and
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my husband pray every single day for all of our
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children to succeed, and we hope our kids will do
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better than us and most parents, most good parents, i
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should say, want to see their kids do better than them,
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and that's what me and my husband hope. We want
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to see them do better than us. We want them
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to take pride in everything they do in life. We
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gave them the advice and it's up to them to
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run with it. One thing we've learned is that moving
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out doesn't always mean forever either, because sometimes your children
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come back, whether it's for a visit, for holidays, or
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even just something that life throws at them like a
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curveball and they need a safe place to land. Our
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doors are always open for our kids, and they know
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that every single one of them, maybe a relationship change
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and it didn't work out and they need to come home.
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My door is open. We will make room in our
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home for our children. We've always told our kids that
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our home is their home no matter how old they get,
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and if they need to come back, whether it's for
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a weekend or a few months or whatnot, our door
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is open to them. I would never let my kids
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go with no home. They will always have a home
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here at home, and they know that. It's almost like Morgan.
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She was staying with her boyfriend and she wanted to
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switch schools, and so her college is in Springfield, so
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she moved home so she could be closer to college.
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It has worked out good for her because one she
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has a place to lay her head, she don't have
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to spend a lot on groceries or living expenses when
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the roads are bad, she doesn't have to travel forty
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five minutes to get to class on bad roads. Granted,
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most of the time the schools close, but sometimes the
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colleges don't close, even though the high school, middle school,
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and elementary do. So there have been days that she
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had to go to school, even in bad weather. And
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it's a ten minute ride to school, so I don't
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have to worry about her going too far on bad roads.
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And if she ever needed a ride, we always get
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her there. Or get her home if she did not
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want to drive. So it's pretty good for us and
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for her as well. Colin has came home and stayed
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until he got on his feet. And guess what, every
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single one of our kids know that our door is
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open for them, and they don't hesitate to say, hey,
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can I stay by you? It's easy. We will make room.
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Regardless of how big our house is. We'll find a
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way and we always do, and our kids know that
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and it's comforting to them. And a lot of times
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we will have family night and our kids are coming home.
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We watch movies, we play games, we have a good dinner,
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and we just all hang out and chit chat and
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enjoy each other's company. And our kids hang out together.
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Over this weekend, the kids went and played basketball together Madison, Tristan, Keenan, Colin.
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They went by their cousins. Gavin hung out with Maddie.
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You know, they all are close and it makes this
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mama heart happy to see that. I am so proud
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of every one of our kids. So when they move out,
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when they grow up, I know they're not going far
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and I know we're going to see them often. Granted
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it's a little harder for the kids in Wisconsin, but
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video and phone calls and ninety nine percent of the
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time we see the kids that live around us here
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in Missouri daily, if not every other day, so it's
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not like it's super bad. And the younger ones are
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starting to get used to that because they know that
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they're going to see them more often than they thought,
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so it's a little bit better now. When Morgan decided
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that she wanted to go to college out of state,
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everyone was sad and we tried to convince her not
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to go, and we did a dang good job of
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convincing her to stay close to home because I was
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worried about her going far away and something bad happening
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and I'd get that horrible phone call that no parent
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wants to get, and I just wouldn't have been able
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to handle it, and nor would my husband Jeremy. It
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would just have been horrible for us. Good for her
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because she wanted to go to a college out of state,
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but not so good for us. There is that at
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the end of the day, you know, watching siblings grow
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up and move out is hard, but it also is
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such a beautiful part of life. It means they're growing
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learning and stepping into who they're meant to be. It's bittersweet,
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but if we do it right, if we stay connected,
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keep communications open, and let love be the foundation, then
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we don't really lose them. Our family just grows in
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a new way. That's all for today. Thanks for hanging
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out with me. If you want to send me a message,