Sept. 29, 2025
Grandparenting and Parenting All At Once
In this heartfelt episode of We Are the Hansons, we dive into the beautiful chaos of grandparenting and parenting all at once. Between raising our own children and helping guide our grandkids, life in the Hanson household is a mix of diapers, diplomas, and deep conversations. We talk about the joy of watching generations grow together, the lessons learned from both sides, and the challenges of balancing being Mom, Dad, and Grandma or Grandpa—sometimes all in the same day. It’s real, raw, and full of love, laughter, and family wisdom.
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Last week, I was rocking my seven month old granddaughter
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Leanna to sleep. The house was finally quiet, The older
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kids were in their rooms, the dishwasher was humming its
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final cycle, and the only light was from the moon
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spilling through the bedroom window. She was fighting it, of course,
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that determined little squirm, the squeak of protest, those long
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lashes batting like tiny hummingbird wings, refusing to let go
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of the day, even though her eyes were so so heavy.
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Finally she gave in. She snuggled deep into the crook
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of my arm, her whole tiny body melting into me.
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Her hand so small it barely looked real, wrapped around
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my index finger and squeezed, and for a perfect singular moment,
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everything was still. The world was just the weight of
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her in my arms, the scent of baby powder, and
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the slow, steady beat of her heart against mine. It
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was peace. It was Nana calm. But then, are you serious?
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That was the last one? It wasn't me. You bumped
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my arm. My fourteen year old daughter Mattie had knocked
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over a glass of milk while debating with my nine
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year old Torren about who ate the last cookie, And
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just like that, the peace shattered along with the glass
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sh sh little one, It's okay. There. I was a
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sleeping baby in one arm, a storm of chaos brewing
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in the other. I was split right down the middle,
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one foot in the quiet, patient world of grandparent, the
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other in the frantic problem solving world of a parent.
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Nana calm and mom panic all at once. And I thought,
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this is my life right now. This is the overlap.
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This is parenting and grandparenting at the same time. Welcome
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back to We are the Hansens. I'm your host, Maya.
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And if you ever found yourself soothing a crying baby
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with one hand while texting a teenager about their curfew
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with the other, this episode is for you. We're diving
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into the strange, beautiful and utterly exhausting chapter of life
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where your nest isn't quite empty, but it's also suddenly
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full again with the next generation. It's the grand chaotic
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overlap parenting your kids while stepping into the grandparent role.
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Today we'll talk about the energy drain, the unexpected joys,
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and the moment you hear your own parenting advice coming
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out of your child's mouth. If you've ever wished you
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could clone yourself, just to get through the day. This
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one's for you. The moment in the rocking chair wasn't
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the first time, of course, but it was the loudest.
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The first time I really felt the weight of a
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dual role, though, was a much quieter afternoon. My granddaughter
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Leanna was just a few months old, sleeping soundly in
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her carrier on my chest. I was sitting at the
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kid table with my nine year old torn trying to
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explain long division. She was getting so frustrated. I don't
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get it, mom, why does the seven go here? And
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I was trying to explain the steps, pointing with my finger,
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bouncing Leana gently with my body at the same time
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because she was starting to fuss. So I'm whispering, okay,
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so you carry the one to Torren while humming a
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lullaby and patting Leanna's back. Two generations needing completely different
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parts of my brain, my body, and my heart all
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at the exact same moment. My daughter needed my logic,
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my granddaughter needed my comfort. It felt surreal, almost like
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I was stretched across two timelines. It goes to parenting
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past and it goes to parenting future, both sitting all
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at my kitchen table on a Tuesday. It's in these
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small moments, isn't it, Not the big dramatic ones. It's
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when you're trying to cut grapes in half for a
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toddler while quizzing a fourth grader on their spelling words.
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It's when you're planning a two year old's birthday party
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and a fourteen year old's high school registration in the
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same notebook. My reflection from the day is this, Sometimes
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you don't realize you've entered a new phase of life
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with a grand announcement. It just arrives on Tuesday afternoon
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and smacks you right in the middle of the chaos.
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Let's talk about the single most precious resources in this phase. Energy,
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not just physical energy, but mental and emotional energy. It's
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a huge, huge challenge. I had a morning last month
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that felt like a marathon before the sun was even
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fully up. The alarm didn't go off because my granddaughter
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Leanna was my alarm. At five am sharp after feeding
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in a diaper change, it was a sprint get my
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eight year old Aneline dressed and fed while she argued
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that she did not want toast. She wanted waffles and no,
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not those waffles. The other ones then hustle her to
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get her on her live classes, and my phone buzzed.
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It was a chain of texts from my fourteen year
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old Maddie and her friends trying to coordinate a carpool
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to practice. By ten am, I felt like I had
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already worked a full day. I sat down on the couch,
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Leanna asleep on my lap, and I just stared at
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the wall. I needed a nap, or a bubble bath,
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or maybe a bubble bath with a latte and a
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locked door. It's the constant gear shifting that gets you.
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You're in soft, general nano mode, then you have to
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switch instantly to firm, structured mom mode. It's like driving
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a car where you have to constantly slam between first
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gear and fifth gear, with knowing between the lessons here
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is simple, but hard to live by. Parenting and grandparenting
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demand relentless patience and above all, a deeply forgiving sense
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of humor, because some days you will put coffee grounds
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in the baby's bottle and formula in the coffee maker
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and you just have to laugh. Chaos is the baseline
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in my house. If my house is quiet for more
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than five minutes, I get suspicious. A few weeks ago,
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I was trying to get some work done at the
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dining room table. My two year old granddaughter Riley was
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in her heightchair happily decorating the floor with her cheerios
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one by one. Meanwhile, my nine year old Torn was
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on the verge of a full blown meltdown over a project.
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It's not fair. I don't want to write about George Washington.
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The dog started barking at a squirrel outside, and Riley,
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thinking it was the best game ever, started throwing cheerios
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at the dog. My first instinct was to yell, to
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just shout everybody stop, but I didn't. I just paused.
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I looked at the scene, cheerios everywhere, a pouting fourth grader,
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a giggling toddler, a barking dog, and I started to laugh,
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a real deep belly laugh. It was absurd. It was
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a mess. It was my life. What was yelling going
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to accomplish. That's the reflection I keep coming back to.
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Embrace the mess. The sticky floors, the cluttered countertops, the
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overlapping schedules, the emotional spills. It's not something to be
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conquered or tied. It away The mess is a sign
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of life, a reminder that your house is in a museum.
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It's a home alive with arguments and giggles and cheerios.
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And just as the chaos doubles, so did the celebrations.
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My two year old granddaughter Riley's birthday landed on the
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same weekend as my fourteen year old daughter's friends party.
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It was a logistical nightmare. Saturday was her friend's party.
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Things were back to back. It was crazy juggling Leanna
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in her carrier and making sure my other kids had
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enough sunscreen and whatever they needed. Then Sunday was Riley's
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birthday party. A house full and kids running around. I
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had to run all over the place and get birthday
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cake and whatever else we needed. It was fun. It
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was chaos, but we did it. By Sunday night, I
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was running on fumes. I had bounced from a grassy
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soccer field to a balloon filled birthday party. Exhausting, yes,
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so incredibly exhausting, but while worth it. Absolutely I wouldn't
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have missed either moment for the world. My takeaway is this,
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some moments can't be perfectly balanced. You can't give one
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hundred percent to two different places at once. You just
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split yourself in two and show up where love calls you,
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and you hope your heart is big enough to hold
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all the joy. The next one is a lesson of humanity.
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My fourteen year old Mattie is amazing with her little nieces.
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She baby sits them often and she's still fourteen. She
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called me. She was completely frustrated. Mom, I can't do
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it rightly, will not go down for her nap. I've
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tried everything. She just keeps standing up in her crib
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and crying. And my mom nana brain immediately went into
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fix it mode. I started my checklist. Well, did you
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make sure the room is dark? Have you tried her cartoons?
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Sometimes you rub their back in just slow circles. And
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before I could get another word out, she cut me off. Mom,
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I just need you to listen. I don't need advice,
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I just need to vent oof. That stopped me in
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my tracks. She wasn't calling Nana the baby expert. She
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was calling her mom, her safe space to complain. In
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that moment, I had to consciously take off my grandparent hat,
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the one that holds decades of wisdom, and just be
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a mom, a listener. It's a hard shift to make.
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You have all this experience and you just want to help.
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But my reflection is this, being a grandparent to your
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own grandchildren while still being a parent to your children
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sometimes means holding your wisdom in your heart and just
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being present. It means recognizing when they need a consultant
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versus when they just need their mom. But for all
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the chaos, there are these moments of grace, these perfect
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little snapshots that make it all make sense. We had
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one last Saturday. It was a lazy afternoon. I was
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washing dishes. My nine year old Torn decides she wanted
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to make brownies from a box. My two year old
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granddaughter Riley was in her highthchair helping by banging a
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plastic spoon on the tray. My fourteen year old daughter
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Mattie wandered in, stealing a pinch of brownie mix. She
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leaned against the counter and started telling a funny story
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about something Riley had done earlier in the day, and
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Torren started laughing, which made Riley start giggling, which made
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us all laugh even harder. Three generations all in my
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messy kitchen, covered in a light dusting of cocoa powder.
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We weren't doing anything important. We were just together, laughing
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and cooking. It wasn't planned, it wasn't a holiday. It
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was just a moment of ordinary, beautiful connection. These are
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the moments that fuel you. They're unexpected joys that make
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the exhaustion and scheduling conflicts and the endless energy drain
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completely and utterly worthwhile. There's a strange, wonderful phenomenon that
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happens when you're just in this overlap. You start to
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see yourself reflected back in your own children. The first
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time I heard my fourteen year old daughter Mattie talking
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to her two year old niece Riley, my heart did
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a little flip. Riley had snatched a toy from another
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child at the park, and Maddie knelt down to her level,
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her voice calm and gentle, and said, Riley, we don't
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snatch toys. Use your kind words. I almost dropped my coffee.
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Use your kind words. That was my line. That was
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the phrase I repeated a million billion times when Maddie
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and her sisters were little, in the living room, in
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the grocery store, at the playground, over the dinner table,
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use your kind words. And here it was living and
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breathing in the next generation. My parenting, my philosophy was
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living on through her. My reflection, is this The impact
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of your parenting ripples forward in ways you can't even predict.
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The seeds you planted in your own children are now
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blossoming in the way they love and care for the
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next generation. You're not just a grandparent, You're a legacy
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in motion. If parenting teaches your patients, then parenting and
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grandparenting at the same time is like getting a doctorate
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in it. You are tested constantly from every angle by
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every age group, toddler tantrums and teenage drama, sometimes happening
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in the same room at the same time. I had
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a moment where my two year old granddaughter was having
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a full body meltdown on the kitchen floor because I
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gave her green beans. She wanted absolutely nothing to do
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with it, screaming, crying, the works. At the same exact time,
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my eight year old Anelin was refusing to clean her room,
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arms crossed with a defiant look in her face that
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was just as intense as the toddler tantrum, only quieter
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and much more strategic. The old me, the younger parent
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me might have lost it, but the nanimum me has
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a different perspective. I look at the screaming toddler and
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I know with absolute certainty this phase will pass. And
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I look at my stubborn eight year old, and I
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know this phase will pass too. Grandparenting gives your parenting
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a long view lens. It deepens your patients because you
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have tangible proof your own grown children that they all
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turn out okay, different ages, same core lessons. Breathe, remember
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it's not personal, and know that patience is the key
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that unlocks the next moment. You would think that raising
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thirteen kids and now helping with your grandkids, I'd have
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all the answers, but I don't. And now that's been
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the most humbling and frankly, the most beautiful lesson of all.
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I watched my own children parent their kids, and sometimes
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they do things different than I did. They have new information,
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new techniques. I was a firm believer in time out
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on the stairs, on the chair, but my daughter she
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uses a calm tone in her voice and pretty much
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just talks to her daughter. The first time I saw
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her do it, my instinct was to say, well, in
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my day, we just but I stopped. I just watched
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and I saw it work. I saw her teaching her
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child how to manage emotions, not just how to serve
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a punishment, and I learned something. No matter how many
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kids I've raised, I don't know everything. Watching them reminds
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me that my way isn't the only way, And sometimes
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they teach me far more than what I taught them
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about grace, about modern parenting, about seeing the world through
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